Wedding gifts and my dad

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

talk to your mother and father immediately.

tell your grandmother to stop the check and to send another one to your address.

if you father forges your signature, that is fraud.

Post # 4
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

if you father forges your signature, that is fraud.

@ajillity81:  +1 This exactly.

To OP, if he’s really being difficult, you can always call the bank that he goes to and report him, he will probably get arrested.  Or you could always write a thank you card to your grandmother for the $3000, which she’ll question no doubt.

Post # 5
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@livalittle13:  Ummm, thats mail fraud, if its got your name on it, and he opens it, that is a jail sentence. Obviously, you don’t want your Dad to go to jail, but if he’s stealing gifts from you, maybe he should be taught a lesson!

Post # 7
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh hell no.

Can people really not just ASK for your address?

Please, please speak with your father about this IMMEDIATELY. Do not wait until you’re there to talk to him–what if he forges your signature and cashes your checks?

Post # 8
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wow. That’s ridiculous. Who knows what else he has done. Unless your mother has watched him open every card, there could have been cash, checks, or giftcards in any of them. And why did she not stop him or tell him that she was going to tell you right away. She told you secretly and you’re not supposed to say anything to stop him? But she won’t say anything herself apparently.

Post # 9
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

even if your father does cash the check, I would go to the bank and tell them you didn’t sign for it.

YES he will get in trouble, but maybe he’ll think about it next time he tries something so stupid.

 

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@livalittle13:  Was your father being serious about cashing the check? Maybe he was joking about it? I only ask this bc some people joke about things that theybthink would be witty but in reality its just stupid and infuriating. My dad jokes about stupid stuff so that’s the only reason why I’m throwing it out there.

Post # 11
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can’t imagine the bank will cash it or let your father deposit that in his name-unless you have an account  with him. But I’d call your grandmother to have her stop it.

Post # 12
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You do realize that opening someone else’s mail is a felony, right?

You need to talk to him immediately, and you need to report him to the bank if he goes through with it. And then you need to tell all of your relatives your address and tell them NOT to send anything to your parents anymore. Better yet, tell your grandmother what your father was going to do. 

F ALL that nonsense. Father or not, that’s some bullshit.

Post # 13
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Does your father have a history of shady behavior? If not, I’d hold off on insanity like calling the police, asking your grandma to stop payment on checks, etc. Lots of reactionary solutions here.

Talk to both of your parents ASAP.

Post # 14
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@solidarity:  well I meant have her stop the check if he did it.

 

I personally wouldn’t go any further bc if either of my parents ended up in jail I’d have to bail them out. The whole ordeal would be an even bigger headache then losing all that money.

Post # 15
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

what the actual fuck? There are so many levels of wrong here.

1) opening mail that is not addressed to you is against federal law, and you can get sent to jail for it. If you want consequences, see if you can visit and photograph the opened mail. You can use it as leverage against him (you have photographic evidence), and while you dont have to actually press charges, the fact that you have every right to and would be able to might stop him from doing it more.

2) cashing checks made out to someone else into your own bank account, and fudging someone elses signature to do so, IS FRAUD. Again, you can be sent to jail. if you can document this also, that would be good to protect yourself.

3) looking at someone’s personal gifts, passing them out, etc, may not be against the law, but it is so disrespectful of you and your things. That is your PROPERTY, he has no right to mess around with your stuff, threaten to use it for himself, and you have no idea what else he might have done with gifts/money/cards. Imagine all the people who may have sent you gifts, but since you dont recieve them you dont write thank yous, and then they think you’re disrespectful and ungrateful through no fault of your own.

publish *your* address on your website (if it is private, you probably dont want people anywhere on the internet being able to find you), post it into a private page on facebook that your guests are invited to, ANYTHING so that guests who have yet to send you gifts will know YOUR address and send it there.

And whatever you do, DONT have your parents be in charge of the gift table/taking gifts home after the reception. have a trusted friend or other family member do it, because your father (and your mother by extension, because she is doing nothing to stop it though she knows its wrong) have shown that they are not trustworthy.

I’m sorry OP. What a crappy situation, I can’t even imagine.

Post # 16
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Talk to your father NOW! Tell him you are upset that he is breaking the law and why you feel this is wrong and an invasion or your privacy. He needs to hear this from YOU because it sounds like your mother is not doing anything to stop his actions. She is just passively mailing you all your opened mail. He needs to hear that this is illegal and that you will no longer have guest send letters/gifts to their house. Don’t let him defend his actions because your comeback can simply be “What you are doing is illegal. Period.”  Just stand your ground and let him know how you feel and how you will take actions from this moment further. Message your guests and give them your home address and call your grandmother asap. Thank her and let her know what your father did and that is why you calling her so late to thank her. I know standing up to your parents can be hard and it doesn’t have to end in a fight. Just be firm with what you expect from them and what you are doing to prevent this from happening from now on. If he continues to do this give him consequences that you WILL call the cops. I hope this scares him straight. Best of luck!!!

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