(Closed) Wedding gifts…How much is too much?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it okay to state on your invitations that you're looking for money, no gifts?
    NO, Not at all. That's tacky! : (150 votes)
    77 %
    Sure, Why not, You're going to return all the bad gifts any way? : (16 votes)
    8 %
    I wouldn't, but I can see why someone might. : (29 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    hmmm…. that is a tough one. Completely bad etiquette on the part of the bride, but what can you do. I know i am going to get flack for this, but this is just a guidline where i live. My parents always said the rule is to cover your approximate cost of your plate and then give a little more for a gift. I know it isnt meant to be a “pay for yourself” kind of thing, but if you are looking for a rough amount to give that is where i would start…. so for a couple going to a wedding where i am from would give roughly $300-350

    Post # 5
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Neither my husband nor I make a lot of money (I’m an unemployed HS teacher) and we just got married last month, so for friends’ weddings this summer / fall, we’re doing $100 for shower and wedding gifts. In better financial times, we’d likely do $150.

    Post # 6
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @MissSpark:  Lol, no your arn’t cheap at all. I know it is kinda crazy, weddings are so expensive in Toronto….. it is totally dependent on people’s financial circumstances, culture and your geographical location.

    Post # 7
    Member
    12572 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always give cash or checks.  Personally, I have a number I give for the gift, and then I add the cost of my meal (and FI’s meal, if attending together).  This method doesn’t work for everyone, and I’m not looking to get into a debate (again). 

    However, I would give less if the person specifically asked for money.  While it’s rude to mention gifts at all on an invitation, it’s incredibly offensive to dictate what I should be giving you, and point out that you are expecting money from me.

    I traditionally give $300-400 at weddings depending on the person, more if I’m really close ot the person.  If someone flat out asked for money as a gift, I’d probably give $100 or less.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always give money, but where I’m from its considered extremely tacky to walk into a wedding holding physical gift. Around here, its pretty much understood and you don’t need to write it on the invitation.

     

    From a couple, I would give about $300-$400, but that of course should depend on what you can afford, you shouldn’t go broke trying to give someone a gift!

    Post # 10
    Member
    10289 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Ignoring how much I typically give at weddings, because it’s a bit on the high side, this chick would get $100 from me along with a generic card for dictating what I can and cannot bring to her wedding. Tackiness is not rewarded. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @abbie017:  I totally agree with you! I would normally give $300-$400 becuase that is what is common where i live, but since they specifically asked for cash i would probably give less because i would be a bit ticked off. Of course it depends on your relationship with them too….

    I am glad to see though, that i am not totally nuts for covering my plate and then giving a little more as a gift..

    Post # 12
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I get what you’re saying about the gift vs. dollar amount.  When it’s just cash, the number is what suddenly matters.. not the thoughtfulness.  This is coming from someone who is in the cash gifts only capital (NJ-NY area).  I don’t know nor care what people spend on my plate… it’s not a restaurant and it’s their choice how much to spend.  We give what we can which can range from $100-200 depending on how our finances are at the time.

    BTW, I’d be tempted to do a physical gift just as a way to stick it to them for being so tacky… but I probably would wind up conforming.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1096 posts
    Bumble bee

    In my circle of friends (different cultures and religions), it is common place to give cash gifts. But you NEVER put it in the invitation –rather, people know either by word of mouth, or by deduction (since you don’t have a registry). I have a standard minimum number I give (150/1 person, 300/couple) but it could be more for a very close friend or close family member. I’ve never been to a wedding where you give wedding gifts.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4433 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Don’t ever ever ever put any wedding gift…monetary or not on a invitation for a wedding!

    I would put your registry info or wedding website on a BRIDAL SHOWER card and that is about it. 

    Anything else should be word of mouth.

    Post # 16
    Member
    640 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It is really tacky to put on an invitation, but a lot of couples are asking for money primarily these days because they have lived on their own a long time and have everything they need at home already. My fiancé and I didn’t place it on the invite but on our wedding website we stated that we would prefer donations towards our honeymoon rather than gifts but still registered for a few items for those who absolutely wanted to get us a physical gift.

    I wouldn’t base the monetary gift on how much the wedding cost per say, but the level of closeness you are. I think 100 is the generic gift amount for a wedding.

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