(Closed) Wedding guest drama – HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

wow yeah small town problems!!!! 

Honestly when it comes down to the bridal shower and bachelorette party it’s who YOU want there…it’s really not up to her! yes she is planning it but she will need to get the guest list from you most likely and if you want her there she will just need to be the bigger person and just deal with it! That’s how I feel! You can’t just exclude people just to make her happy. If she was such a good friend she wouldn’t be putting this unnecessary stress on you in the first place. 

 

Post # 6
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AbeeCee123:  1. Tell Mary that Courtney is invited, and that is not negotiable. If Mary can’t do what YOU want for YOUR parties, Mary should step down from the bridal party, or at least skip those parties and let someone else plan them.

2. Again, Mary can get over it. She’s happily engaged, so what’s the problem?

Mary is acting like a child. Lots and lots of people put up with much worse at weddings: divorced parents of the bride or groom. My parents had a very bitter divorce after 25 years of marriage. Despite the pain of the divorce (and my father being there with his new wife, who I am 99% sure he was sleeping with before he officially left my mother), my mother and father have both behaved themselves at family weddings (and other major events like christenings and funerals). And this happens all the time, probably thousands of weddings every weekend. Tell Mary that if divorced parents can behave themselves at weddings, so can she.

Post # 7
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@AbeeCee123:  If you want Mary to be one of your bridesmaids, I would not invite Courtney, Jessica, and Ricky to the wedding. If you want to invite Courtney, Jessica, and Ricky, then I would not ask Mary to be your bridesmaid, as this forces her to be in a position she has clearly stated she doesn’t want to be in. If you don’t ask her to be in the wedding, she can choose whether or not if she wants to go.

Maybe she should be over it by now but she clearly isn’t. By just inviting everyone, they will have choices as to whether they want to come to your wedding and when they want to leave.

Post # 8
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AbeeCee123:  Problem #1, since she’s hosting, while it’s nice to consult you on the guest list, she’s within her rights to refuse.  Just invite Courtney to the wedding and maybe hang out with her for a special lunch sometime.  Courtney will probably understand that Mary didnt’ wish to invite her.

Problem #2, I’d leave Jessica off the guest list or invite her but explain that for obvious reasons, Ricky won’t be included.

Post # 10
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AbeeCee123: 
I hate to say it but this shouldn’t be your problem. You are all adults and its time they start acting like it. HS is well in the past for me and I just graduated college early so they have all had plenty of time otherwise to grow up and mature. If they haven’t by now then I can only send prays that they do soon

Post # 11
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AbeeCee123:  Perhaps see if you can get her on board with the idea of having her attend just the shower and not the bachelorette?  One extra event rather than two may be easier to get her to agree to.  Not to mention it may be better to have them meet up at a shower where there isn’t lots of drinking like bachelorettes often have.  If you’re having much alcohol at the bachelorette the two of them plus booze is a disaster waiting to happen.

Wait and see what happens with Jessica’s boyfriend.  With luck they’ll break up and if they don’t, then I would talk to Jessica.  Tell her that it’s nothing against Ricky but that  with your bridemaid, you think it would be best for everyone if Ricky sat the wedding out.  She may be angry, but hopefully she’d see reason.

Post # 12
Member
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AbeeCee123:  Tell one or two BMs that Courtney is invited to the bachelorette and bridal shower. Explain that Mary doesn’t like Courtney, and get them to specifically check that Courtney is invited.

It is very rude to Jessica to not give her a +1, when every other guest is getting a +1. You should probably forewarn Mary (but not until a couple of months before the wedding) that Ricky is coming with Jessica. But your guest list should not be hostage to the whims of one of your BMs.

Basically Mary needs to grow up. She’s 25, not 15.

Post # 13
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Mary needs to get over herself or step down from the bridal party since she obviously can’t handle the social aspect.

Post # 14
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AbeeCee123:  I completely agree with everyone who says that Mary needs to grow up. However, you really need to think about what the consequences will be of each possible action you take. And I know this is YOUR wedding and you should get what YOU want (and that is true) BUT obviously no matter what you do, you are going to be in a situation where one or more of your friendships will be affected so you’ve pretty much got to decide which course of action will conjure the least drama for you. 

The fact that Mary is still this angry 8 years later means she is not over it and and it kind of sounds like harshness will follow if you invite all the others. She’s definitely the number one to watch out for and considering she’s your bridesmaid, I would most likely put her wishes first depending on how much she means to you..

Post # 15
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sinfulli2sweet:  

@paula1248:  

100% agree.

It is completely childish for someone to expect another to not be invited to a wedding or it’s events that is not THEIRS.

She needs to get over herself. This wedding is not about HER it is about YOU.  You should not have to decide this shit after years of being out of highschool.  Pathetic.

Post # 16
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well I wouldn’t be stressing about any of this right now, you’re wedding is still a year away.  When the time comes I would just have one of the other bridesmaids invite Courtney to the shower and bachelorette (I hate to say it but expect some drama if she comes though) and since you’re so far off I wouldn’t worry about Ricky now.  If they’re still together by the time invitations come out, don’t invite him.  You already said you don’t like him, your friends (other than the one dating him) I assume don’t like him either so why would you want him there.  I had one guest that I didn’t give a plus one because I didn’t like the guest they would bring and really didn’t want them at the wedding.  I just sent the invitation to the person, no explanation needed and as far as I know they never got mad at me for it.  Really it’s your wedding and I wouldn’t want any drama there.

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