Wedding guest frustration

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First and foremost, you should have immediately started calling people who RSVPd with their children and told them no. Children in the wedding party are something different than children who are simply invited. The invitations were addressed to the parents only, and the people you invited should have respected that. 

Post # 4
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I’m curious how come you didn’t call all these people to clarify who was actually invited? It’s different if it’s just maybe 1-2 extra kids, but we are talking about A LOT of extra children here.

As for the 9 month old adult entreé, are you kidding me? Listen, I’m all for feeding kids healthy meals, but at 9 months old?! If they have three bites I’d be super surprised. Id order the kids pasta option like you mentioned and let the parents deal with it. That’s seriously ridiculous. If they need to, they can give their baby some of their own food.

Post # 6
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@penguin1982:  Im with posters… you can even say the venue is not large enough. How rude to assume childresn are coming, especially your co-worker. I would just start the list.. you call your side, your FI call his.

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@penguin1982:   Are your parents and siblings paying for the wedding? If not, they have no say. I’m sorry, but if you dont put your foot down you are liable to be walked all over in the future. This is not the cause for a “huge”
 family fight… is it rude to “invite” your own guests to a wedding

Post # 8
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A 9 month old will not eat an adult entree. Doesn’t that cousin have any clue how much that costs?

 

if parents are making special meal requests, tell them what the child meal is and if they do not like it (seriously, what kid doesn’t eat chicken fingers?!) then politely tell them that they might want to pack some snacks for their little one. It’s not your problem and you shouldn’t be customizing children meals.

 

girl, you need to stand up for yourself.

 

Post # 9
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know it’s annoying about giving the child the adult meal, but I don’t think you’re in any position to decide what their child eats. 

Post # 10
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@penguin1982:  you need to put your foot down.  unless your siblings and parents are paying for this wedding, they shouldn’t tell you who to invite.  period.

i would rather have a cousin a bit upset at me than to go into debt.  your family needs to be more understanding.  if they can’t be, it’s better they stay home.  this is your wedding and your money.

as for children under 10, they get a child’s meal of your choice.  chicken fingers or pasta are great choices.  if they don’t like it, too bad.  they can share their parent’s meal.

seriously, you need to call those guests who included the uninvited children and let them know that due to the capacity of the venue and budget, only the guests listed on the invite are invited.  if you don’t feel comfortable doing this, and no one else will do this, you will just need to accept the additional guests and pay for them.

when you have to pay $50-$100 ++ per guest, i would gain the courage to make those calls now.

Post # 11
Member
2830 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

so…9 month olds with an adult entree? IDK, fam. If the child was 4 or older, I might feel differently. But don’t 9 month olds eat like oatmeal and mashed potatoes and baby food? I completely don’t understand this. I might have to take this opportunity to  explicitly explain to these parents that I understand if they don’t like the children’s option, but it’s simply not in the budget to buy a $100 entree for a child with 5 teeth. Maybe (MAYBE) I would offer to pay for some baby food or something. But no, feet must be put down at some point. To add: this has nothing to do with the fact that OP and the cousin aren’t close. I wouldn’t pay for an adult meal for my OWN infant either.

Post # 12
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, I would definitely put my foot down, it’s not up to these people to just bring whoever they want. Personally, I think it’s great you made an exception for the kids you WANTED there, I don’t understand how parents can think that just because they are going somewhere their kid needs to come. It’s unreal how worked up they get. My parents never brought me to anything like that! I’m pretty sure if my parents were going to a wedding and kids WERE invited they wouldn’t eve bring us lol!

@Bubbles42:  She absolutely is in a position to decide not to pay for an adult entree for a BABY. If the cousin doesn’t like it he has a few options: 1) don’t invite your uninvited baby to a wedding b) bring food for the baby or c) don’t come at all if you really can’t figure out how to get around ordering a $100 entree for a baby. My guess is he is being greedy and wants seconds lol

Seriously OP you need to tell your parents that this isn’t up to them (unless of course they’re footing the bill, then you’ll have to just suck it up lol) and that you simply cannot afford to have all of these uninvited children. As for your coworker, I would just tell it like it is, you weren’t planning on having any kids besides the nieces and nephs, & unfortunately you aren’t able to accomadate 4 extra children, but you’d love for her to still come. From there it’s up to her, it’s not rude of you. It’s rude of all these crazy people thinking their kids are welcome everywhere.

Post # 13
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Unfortunately, the problem you’re now facing, if you’ll pardon my use of an old, oft-repeated expression, is that you’ve given people an inch, and they’ve taken a yard. By not politely and firmly dealing with each situation immediately as it arose, you and your FI essentially have allowed yourselves to be bullied by family members who have now not only taken control of your guest list but also your menu as well. At this point, it sounds as if a lot of the damage has been done. I’m not sure there is an easy or polite way to regain control of your own event now that you are this far into the process of trying to accommodate 32 extra children and their controlling parents.

Post # 14
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Car7yn44:  I mean I do agree that she should tell them no children but I didn’t comment on that aspect as a few others already have. 

Post # 15
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@penguin1982:  I would call back each and every one of them and tell them that due to the incredible amount of unexpected children in both of your families you are over the venue capacities and have had to make the decision to not have any children except the bridal party since it would not be fair to cut some children and allow others. That you hope to still have the pleasure of their parents company but you will understand if they can not make it. 

Post # 16
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

This is my nightmare, a friend went through the same thing, and it’s honestly the reason I am having a private ceremony (parents/siblings/one friend each) and an appetizer-based evening reception.

I really wish you the best of luck! Some people just can’t see that this is YOUR DAY, and nobody should be forced into debt because someone can’t bring some effing jars of baby food to feed their 9-month-old. That’s messed up.

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