Post # 1
I am getting married in about a month. I never wanted a big wedding, but we are having one due to the fact that my fiance and I both have large families. Our invites went out about a month ago, and we’ve received the great majority of them back already. We have 8 nieces and nephews (all are in the wedding as flower girls and ring bearers), so our cousins and distant relatives knew that there would be children at the wedding. What we weren’t expecting was them all to RSVP for themselves and their children when we addressed the invite only to the adults. We now have over 40 children attending our wedding! I am getting really stressed about it. I was worried enough with our own nieces and nephews during the reception, and they are in the wedding. My coworker even RSVP’d for herself, her husband and her four children.
The one that really upsets me is my cousin, who ordered an adult entree for his 9 month old. I am beyond floored. We are not on the greatest of terms with this cousin and haven’t seen him in about two years, so we are glad they are coming, but can’t believe the adult vegetarian entree. My sister tried calling to explain we could order a child’s meal for the baby, and he insisted the baby needed the adult entree because it was much healthier than any children’s options. I want to serve them a child’s pasta portion anyway, but my other cousins and aunts think this is rude of me, as they might want the baby to eat the potato, etc that comes with the adult entree. Of course the adult entree is much more expensive than the cihld’s portion and our budget is very, very tight…. my fiance and I made sure we had enough for all our invited guests, but we just barely have enough. Adding all the kids, etc, has set us over our budget and I’m scared we won’t have enough in the bank to cover it. There are other guests who have called and asked about the children’s option… when I explain we are providing chicken fingers for children several have requested something else, as their kids don’t eat chicken fingers. So i’ve been trying to customize children’s meals for guests because I want to make everyone happy, but I’m learning that’s not possible.
My fiance’s cousins also invited all of their kids. They originally understood that their kids were not invited, but told my fiance’s sister they were going to have to bring them anyway because they couldn’t find sitters, and because they didn’t think it was fair that our nieces and nephews could be there and their kids could not. We didn’t argue because we didn’t want to start a fight, but like I said, now we are going to have sooo many kids there. I thought drawing the line at kids in the wedding was OK, but apparently not! Very frusrated and not sure how to handle this! I don’t want to be frustrated at guests but am feeling a great deal of stress.
Post # 3
First and foremost, you should have immediately started calling people who RSVPd with their children and told them no. Children in the wedding party are something different than children who are simply invited. The invitations were addressed to the parents only, and the people you invited should have respected that.
Post # 4
Yes, I’m curious how come you didn’t call all these people to clarify who was actually invited? It’s different if it’s just maybe 1-2 extra kids, but we are talking about A LOT of extra children here.
As for the 9 month old adult entreé, are you kidding me? Listen, I’m all for feeding kids healthy meals, but at 9 months old?! If they have three bites I’d be super surprised. Id order the kids pasta option like you mentioned and let the parents deal with it. That’s seriously ridiculous. If they need to, they can give their baby some of their own food.
Post # 5
I know I should have called, but we were told by our siblings and parents that it would start a huge family fight and that cousins were already very angry. I didn’t want to be the cause of a fight that could last for years… there are a lot of family issues coming out. It is so difficult. So yes, I realize I should have called, but when you have parents and siblings telling you you can’t, it’s very hard. My fiance and I are teh youngest in our families and have always pretty much been told what to do, so neither one of us knows how to handle it. We just can’t find support anywhere, which is very frustrating.
Post # 6
@penguin1982: Im with posters… you can even say the venue is not large enough. How rude to assume childresn are coming, especially your co-worker. I would just start the list.. you call your side, your FI call his.
Post # 7
@penguin1982: Are your parents and siblings paying for the wedding? If not, they have no say. I’m sorry, but if you dont put your foot down you are liable to be walked all over in the future. This is not the cause for a “huge”
family fight… is it rude to “invite” your own guests to a wedding
Post # 8
A 9 month old will not eat an adult entree. Doesn’t that cousin have any clue how much that costs?
if parents are making special meal requests, tell them what the child meal is and if they do not like it (seriously, what kid doesn’t eat chicken fingers?!) then politely tell them that they might want to pack some snacks for their little one. It’s not your problem and you shouldn’t be customizing children meals.
girl, you need to stand up for yourself.
Post # 9
I know it’s annoying about giving the child the adult meal, but I don’t think you’re in any position to decide what their child eats.
Post # 10
@penguin1982: you need to put your foot down. unless your siblings and parents are paying for this wedding, they shouldn’t tell you who to invite. period.
i would rather have a cousin a bit upset at me than to go into debt. your family needs to be more understanding. if they can’t be, it’s better they stay home. this is your wedding and your money.
as for children under 10, they get a child’s meal of your choice. chicken fingers or pasta are great choices. if they don’t like it, too bad. they can share their parent’s meal.
seriously, you need to call those guests who included the uninvited children and let them know that due to the capacity of the venue and budget, only the guests listed on the invite are invited. if you don’t feel comfortable doing this, and no one else will do this, you will just need to accept the additional guests and pay for them.
when you have to pay $50-$100 ++ per guest, i would gain the courage to make those calls now.
Post # 11
so…9 month olds with an adult entree? IDK, fam. If the child was 4 or older, I might feel differently. But don’t 9 month olds eat like oatmeal and mashed potatoes and baby food? I completely don’t understand this. I might have to take this opportunity to explicitly explain to these parents that I understand if they don’t like the children’s option, but it’s simply not in the budget to buy a $100 entree for a child with 5 teeth. Maybe (MAYBE) I would offer to pay for some baby food or something. But no, feet must be put down at some point. To add: this has nothing to do with the fact that OP and the cousin aren’t close. I wouldn’t pay for an adult meal for my OWN infant either.
Post # 12
If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, I would definitely put my foot down, it’s not up to these people to just bring whoever they want. Personally, I think it’s great you made an exception for the kids you WANTED there, I don’t understand how parents can think that just because they are going somewhere their kid needs to come. It’s unreal how worked up they get. My parents never brought me to anything like that! I’m pretty sure if my parents were going to a wedding and kids WERE invited they wouldn’t eve bring us lol!
@Bubbles42: She absolutely is in a position to decide not to pay for an adult entree for a BABY. If the cousin doesn’t like it he has a few options: 1) don’t invite your uninvited baby to a wedding b) bring food for the baby or c) don’t come at all if you really can’t figure out how to get around ordering a $100 entree for a baby. My guess is he is being greedy and wants seconds lol
Seriously OP you need to tell your parents that this isn’t up to them (unless of course they’re footing the bill, then you’ll have to just suck it up lol) and that you simply cannot afford to have all of these uninvited children. As for your coworker, I would just tell it like it is, you weren’t planning on having any kids besides the nieces and nephs, & unfortunately you aren’t able to accomadate 4 extra children, but you’d love for her to still come. From there it’s up to her, it’s not rude of you. It’s rude of all these crazy people thinking their kids are welcome everywhere.
Post # 13
Unfortunately, the problem you’re now facing, if you’ll pardon my use of an old, oft-repeated expression, is that you’ve given people an inch, and they’ve taken a yard. By not politely and firmly dealing with each situation immediately as it arose, you and your FI essentially have allowed yourselves to be bullied by family members who have now not only taken control of your guest list but also your menu as well. At this point, it sounds as if a lot of the damage has been done. I’m not sure there is an easy or polite way to regain control of your own event now that you are this far into the process of trying to accommodate 32 extra children and their controlling parents.
Post # 14
@Car7yn44: I mean I do agree that she should tell them no children but I didn’t comment on that aspect as a few others already have.
Post # 15
@penguin1982: I would call back each and every one of them and tell them that due to the incredible amount of unexpected children in both of your families you are over the venue capacities and have had to make the decision to not have any children except the bridal party since it would not be fair to cut some children and allow others. That you hope to still have the pleasure of their parents company but you will understand if they can not make it.
Post # 16
This is my nightmare, a friend went through the same thing, and it’s honestly the reason I am having a private ceremony (parents/siblings/one friend each) and an appetizer-based evening reception.
I really wish you the best of luck! Some people just can’t see that this is YOUR DAY, and nobody should be forced into debt because someone can’t bring some effing jars of baby food to feed their 9-month-old. That’s messed up.