Wedding guest list dilemma! advice needed!

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

k8t1234:  Instead of trying to limit the number of guests he invites, simply because you won’t have as many, why not celebrate the fact  that your FI has many friends and family, with whom he would like to share his marriage to you. It’s like saying you can’t be happy, because I’m not.

Unfortunately, when couples’ hometowns are thousands of miles apart, one of them is generally going to be vastly outnumbered by the other’s guests.

Marriage isn’t about being even or fair. It will require compromise all the time.

Believe me, you won’t even notice those other people when you are getting married. Your eyes will be on your FI. The rest will be a blur.

Post # 3
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

k8t1234:  For his friends and family, this is their one and only chance to celebrate with you before you return to the UK. Think of it this way: his family and friends “get you” for the wedding; but your family and friends “get you” for the rest of your lives. So it is only natural that his side will hugely outnumber yours, and there is nothing wrong with that. Because at every single event in the UK for the rest of your lives, your side will outnumber his.

It doesn’t matter if some of the guests will be faces you don’t recognise – they will be special to your fiance, and they will be wishing you well, as the woman their dear friend/relative is marrying.

So sorry, I am with your fiance. Let him invite whoever he wants, as long as you and he can afford it.

Post # 4
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We agreed on a guest list and split it 50/50. We were also in agreement that this wedding was about us (as a team) and having equal amounts of people there supporting us was essential. That was our compromise. 

Post # 5
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper

k8t1234:  I am not sure of SA wedding etiquette but before inviting guests to just an evening do are you sure that is correct and polite in SA?

I agree with pps. You need to change your view on this. Not wanting him to invite more people just because you have less is spiteful.

Post # 6
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

While I agree that it’s not fair to limit his just because your numbers don’t match, I’m going to respectfully disagree with previous posters. Just because it’s closer to his hometown does not give an endless invitation limit.

How about you agree on some circle to invite out to? As in all immediate family, aunts/uncles and cousins, no matter what the number is. Add x number of friends each. The end. No extras on any side due to declines or location.

Wouled it be possible to have a party in his hometown separately to celebrate your marriage?

Post # 7
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

k8t1234:  Set a guest limit and stick to it. Remind your FI of your plan to have a small ceremony and talk about it. It’s not about him having more guests than you, it’s about the intimate feeling that you guys wanted your wedding to have. 

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