Post # 1
I really need some advice on what to do in regards to my wedding guest list. I hope someone can help!
my fiance is originally from South Africa, and all of this family still live out there. We live in the UK, and all my family is here, but have decided to get married in SA. I have always imagined a small wedding, and I am not close to any of my extended family so have just invited immediate family + my grandad and we have invited 10 friends. I always knew that He would have more family coming and I was OK with that. I was thinking we would have a ceremony of about 40 – 50 at a max but now our guest is over 70 and counting… some of the people my fiance wants to invite I have never even met.
We are getting married at my dream venue, which is 4 hours drive from where all his family live, so we cant ask people just to the evening reception and not the ceremony as it is a long drive away. But I want the ceremony to be very intimate and small, and only have people there who know ‘us’ I dont want to walk down the aisle and see faces I dont even recognise.
The other problem is that to my 15 guests, He will have 60+, so it will be hugely outweighted. There are some family friends that I have invited but cant come because of the cost. But how can I ask him to invite less people, just because I have some friends that cant come and dont want to invite my extended fanily?
How can we compromise on this? The only solution so far I can think of is to change the venue and get married in the same town as all his family so we can just invite most to the evening do. But I love the venue so much, (its at a game reserve) so no chance of finding anything similar in town.
any advice will be greatly appreciated x
Post # 2
k8t1234: Instead of trying to limit the number of guests he invites, simply because you won’t have as many, why not celebrate the fact that your FI has many friends and family, with whom he would like to share his marriage to you. It’s like saying you can’t be happy, because I’m not.
Unfortunately, when couples’ hometowns are thousands of miles apart, one of them is generally going to be vastly outnumbered by the other’s guests.
Marriage isn’t about being even or fair. It will require compromise all the time.
Believe me, you won’t even notice those other people when you are getting married. Your eyes will be on your FI. The rest will be a blur.
Post # 3
k8t1234: For his friends and family, this is their one and only chance to celebrate with you before you return to the UK. Think of it this way: his family and friends “get you” for the wedding; but your family and friends “get you” for the rest of your lives. So it is only natural that his side will hugely outnumber yours, and there is nothing wrong with that. Because at every single event in the UK for the rest of your lives, your side will outnumber his.
It doesn’t matter if some of the guests will be faces you don’t recognise – they will be special to your fiance, and they will be wishing you well, as the woman their dear friend/relative is marrying.
So sorry, I am with your fiance. Let him invite whoever he wants, as long as you and he can afford it.
Post # 4
We agreed on a guest list and split it 50/50. We were also in agreement that this wedding was about us (as a team) and having equal amounts of people there supporting us was essential. That was our compromise.
Post # 5
k8t1234: I am not sure of SA wedding etiquette but before inviting guests to just an evening do are you sure that is correct and polite in SA?
I agree with pps. You need to change your view on this. Not wanting him to invite more people just because you have less is spiteful.
Post # 6
While I agree that it’s not fair to limit his just because your numbers don’t match, I’m going to respectfully disagree with previous posters. Just because it’s closer to his hometown does not give an endless invitation limit.
How about you agree on some circle to invite out to? As in all immediate family, aunts/uncles and cousins, no matter what the number is. Add x number of friends each. The end. No extras on any side due to declines or location.
Wouled it be possible to have a party in his hometown separately to celebrate your marriage?
Post # 7
k8t1234: Set a guest limit and stick to it. Remind your FI of your plan to have a small ceremony and talk about it. It’s not about him having more guests than you, it’s about the intimate feeling that you guys wanted your wedding to have.