- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
When we started planning our DW, we kind of had to cut the list severely because my family is ginormous, our budget isn’t ginormous, and our space limited (in a private home). First cousins on my dad’s side were not even invited, as it would have added nearly 100 on their own and I am not super close with any of them. Maternal cousins number fewer and were invited, as are less than 10 children.
We also cut out +guest for singles. The cut off was “living together or engaged” and this kind of helped us define a couple. It kind of softened the blow on the paternal first cousins not being invited too, shows we aren’t just shunning them in favor of dates and random strangers.
So my cousin and cousin’s spouse are apparently getting a divorce. They’re still friendly and have a few kids. I don’t know the circumstances, and as far as I know, not many in the family know either. It’d certainly be a shock to some people, including my grandmother. I offered to extend the invitation to the soon to be ex-spouse if it made things easier for cousin and the kids. This was declined and I was told “put me down for a guest, I’ll bring a date.”
I explained our situation thoughtfully and apologized. I explained that for, space and budget reasons, we were not having guests for anyone and this was across the board.
I get an RSVP today and it has the guest! And an offer to pay for the guest and to let them know what the food costs for this person.
This really really bugs me. So much so that I haven’t been able to sleep tonight. I feel like I am being put in a very awkward position.
First, we have a guest policy and I have already made a deal about it to an aunt, and I know my best friend would probably want to bring her new boyfriend, but she understands where we’re at with the cut-off. To make an exception now basically throws the whole damn thing out the window and I’d look like an ass for taking our stance initially.
Second, I already told her no. She’s being pushy and that irritates the hell out of me. Plus, it’s not just food. Per person isn’t just the catering.
Third, “hey thanks, just announce your divorce at my wedding by bringing a random new person. Let’s make it good and awkward, who has some other bad news they want to share? Let the good times roll! Who has weird medical results? Anyone’s company closing their doors?”
How do I reply to this? I want to maintain manners and be gracious, but at the same time, I feel like this is aggressive and somewhat rude.
Need your good advice, Bees.