Weddingbee boards

@stacycats: I just stole that and am e-mailing it to myself for a reminder. Great wording.

@bride313: You see, this is where it becomes useful to have been following all those "hilarious" and silly etiquette rules. Because fair is fair, and if you have been restraining yourself within the bounds of propriety, you can expect the same of them:

Etiquette, for example, says that you shouldn't discuss money in any social situation. That means that you don't mention "the budget excuse", and just let it hang there by implication as the unmentioned elephant in the room. If you don't mention it, they can't argue with it, and they can't offer to pay without violating the bounds of propriety themselves.

Etiquette also says, that the only people who come to a social event are those who are personally invited by the hostess, by name, on their own individual invitation. So all those people who are asking if they can "bring someone" are asking to violate propriety. In fact, Etiquette goes even farther and says that you should NOT invite anyone unless you are personally acquainted with them and know them by name. (Yes, I know that "plus ones" and "and Guest" invitations are almost the norm, but that's an example of how the common practice of ignoring etiquette is causing problems.)

So, when someone asks if they can bring a guest, I would simply feign embarrasment and confusion: Have you forgotten a name you should have invited?? Oh, you feel so bad! But, you were certain you had sent invitations to all your close friends and family! Who did you forget? They must tell you, so you can right the situation! ... and then, when they say it's someone you don't know or it's some casual acquaintance, you look confused and relieved and say, oh, you thought they'd said you'd left out someone. No, you had invited everyone you intended to invite. Such a carefully planned guest list, you know, and every guest an intimate friend! So important, to you, to be surrounded exclusively by people who are so precious to you! Such a good friend as the person asking of course understands that an intimate wedding is no place for a casual date! ...thus, you see, you mix flattery with misdirection and deflect the question. You use the same kind of confusion, along with selective deafness, when someone offers to pay(!) As IF you would consider selling tickets to your wedding as though it were some public event: no, you were sure that your friend was not suggesting such a thing!