Post # 1
This may sound odd and I’m not completely sure how to explain it, but do any of you ever feel guilty about your wedding? My FI are pretty much paying for the wedding ourselves, with some help (about a third of the costs) from my parents — my parents are also helping us buy a house. Everything just adds up so quickly and I think I get wedding tunnel vision where I can’t tell anymore what’s a good deal and what’s not, what’s reasonable and what’s not! It doesn’t help that in LA, the cost for everything wedding-related is sooo inflated. Mt FI is an attorney and I work in marketing so we make good salaries, but wedding stuff can still make me feel guilty!
I think that this was brought on by a conversation I had with my mom tonight. She is shocked that I’m paying $500 for a DOC. I tried explaining to her that that’s actually a STEAL for a DOC and that the piece of mind is worth it, but — different times, different wedding styles, I guess. A wedding planner she can understand, but the idea of a DOC is pretty foreign to her — she thinks that we should just ask our wedding party or family to help out, while it’s really important to me that everyone just relax and enjoy themselves — especially me, haha!
Sometimes I just feel like I’m being excessive about our wedding (not with the DOC), but it’s really hard not to get caught up in it. A part of me does want all of this, and then sometimes I feel like OMG, is this crazy??!?!
Does anyone else ever feel this way??
Post # 3
YES. We are paying for most of ours too. So far it looks like we will only go about $2k over budget, but it really hit me on the weekend how HUGE that budget is. We could do a LOT with it, but no, we are buying fancy clothes for us and 8 of our friends and paying for 100 other friends to eat dinner with us? I think because we already own two houses and we earn a good living and have donations from parents, we have felt more able to spend on this day. But FAR OUT – the last couple of days it’s started to feel almost perverse to do this. I don’t know what to do about it though 🙂
Post # 4
Ugh I’m so struggling with this, and I haven’t even started! Ever since I found out that my bf would be popping the question soon, I’ve been doing a ton of research. I know that I don’t want us to go into debt for a wedding, but I also really want to do SOMETHING special because its going to be the only wedding day I’ll ever get. I am also pretty sure that neither of our parents will be helping (his parents just don’t seem the type to offer money, and my parents told me they could help me with law school OR a wedding… i picked school!).
Reasonably, I feel like we can save about 10K in the next year or so to pay for the wedding… which I know is a really low budget in the world of weddings. Even with a “low” budget though, it almost makes me physically ill to think of spending 10k on ONE day. We are trying to buy a house! We have student loans! It just seems sooo wasteful and insane. I’m just having a really really hard time committing to any budget because I’m a generally thrifty person and I don’t see how I can throw any kind of wedding without stressing about the budget.
Post # 5
Wish I could find a DOC for $500! You are giving me hope. If you can find one in L.A. for that much I can find one in Phoenix or Sedona!
I know it’s hard to think about spending all thie $$ on your wedding day. I just keep thinking “It’s just money…we’ll make more!” Haha!
Post # 6
I felt the same way afterwards and I looked back at what we had spent. Do you know what we could have done with that approx. $15K? Yes, we own three houses (1 we live in, 2 rentals), but we could have gotten a vacation home, boat, or a new SUV. That’s $3000 per kid (we have 5) that could have gone towards college or something else. that’s a remodel of my bathrooms and kitchen. Ugh!
In the end I’m glad we had our big day and arizonabride said, it’s just money, we’ll make more, but I still cringe when it comes up a little.
Post # 7
I think sooner or later [unless you are able to pull off a really affordable wedding, and it’s just what you wanted], most brides/couples feel some wedding guilt.
don’t feel bad about it! Weddings are expensive and unless someone hs been involved in a wedding really recently or are in the industry there’s usually quite a bit of wedding sticker shock to overcome.
The best advice I can give you is pick your priorities and spend your money there…there’s always a way to get a deal on a detail that maybe isn’t as important and photography or food. Hang in there–it’s going to be a really great day and celebration!
Post # 8
Am I the only one who keeps opening this thread because she is curious as to what a “wedding quilt” is and then realizes her mistake?
I have done this three or four times.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
UGH, I TOTALLY feel ya on this one! I am shocked by our wedding budget and how out of control it has gotten…FH and I are only paying for about 15% of the total budget, his parents and my parents are covering the rest but I feel horrible that my parents are probably going to take out a loan or something to cover the wedding! Like everyone else has said, that money could have gone to a lot of other things….BUUUUUT, like CorgiTales said, it is the only wedding (fingers crossed!) that you’ll ever have and everyone wants their’s to be special…So it’s a tough call but I for sure feel mega-guilty when I think about it…
Post # 10
YES! FI and I are paying for the whole wedding ourselves and everytime I go over the budget I reconsider eloping somewhere. Unfortunately I’m an only child so I couldn’t break my mother’s heart like that, oh well. There’s no denying that’s its a huge expense for one day.
Post # 11
I’ve actually clicked on the link twice… the first time thinking it was about wedding guilt, and the second a wedding quilt!
But yes, I had to get over the price tags. And for the honeymoon, $4k is sooo much for 7 days, but in the end, that is the honeymoon I want. Its better not to stress over it, or you might end up not enjoying your wedding.
Post # 12
@jacqi- i feel far less badly about spending money on a honeymoon rather than a wedding. I don’t know why… vacations just seem like “normal” splurges to me…
Post # 13
I agree with the previous posters that everyone probably feels some wedding guilt. When I start to think negatively about the amount of money we spent, I remind myself that we got really great deals on a lot of things, and compare what everything was worth price-wise to what we actually paid. There’s a huge difference between the two figures, and it helps me feel better.
Post # 14
mountain.bride – I love that you describe it as perverse. It DOES feel perverse! My budget is between $25k – $30k, which isn’t that bad for a wedding in this area, but sometimes when I really think about it I feel ill and then I go through phases where I try to cut things out of the budget to make it a little lower — unfortunately, the biggest and most expensive items have already been booked (photographer, catering, venue, etc.). But yeah…one day, how wasteful!! And then I tell myself, but it’s once in a lifetime to make myself feel better…
Corgitales – it can definitely be done! If you do your research and homework and really shop around (sounds like you’re doing it!) you’ll be fine. Honestly, my FI and I could have been better about this — we’re both super busy with work and we’d get somewhat tired of meeting with endless vendors, so we often just chose one that we liked and was in our general price range, without doing too much research. I’m sure if we had researched more, we could have found cheaper photographers, etc.
arizonabride – I got lucky with my DOC! She is just starting in the business after having a gorgeous, beautiful wedding (afterwards she had so many people call her and ask her to do their weddings). I think she usually charges upwards of $1000 but she worked something out for us since she’s just starting out. She already has a ton of clients too, I’m so excited for her! If you’re having problems finding an affordable DOC, have you tried looking for new DOCs who would be willing to do it at a really low rate/free? Maybe you can post an ad on Craigslist asking if there are any fledgling DOCS out there who need the experience?
Post # 15
jocelyn3476 — that’s so funny!!