Post # 1
I am getting married in 12 days.
My future sister-in-law got engaged over Christmas, and now that her planning process is just beginning, she and my future MIL/FIL keep asking me for favors and questions relating to FSIL’s wedding. They are asking me to help with her invitations (because I am a graphic designer), they want me to hand over the spreadsheet I made for my wedding guest list for their side of the family, and they want to know all of the vendors I contacted. Just this morning, FSIL asked me to magically Photoshop a picture of her and her fiance for her save-the-dates.
Right now, with less than 2 weeks to go before my own wedding, I am going crazy with my own To-Do list and I don’t understand why they would ask me to do all of this stuff for them at this time.
Also, I generally have no interest in helping them with her wedding stuff. I am sooo ready for mine to be over, and after that, I just want to focus on being a newlywed with my new husband.
Is there a polite way that I can ask them to leave me alone about my FSIL’s wedding without sounding like a jerk? Is this something my fiance should do on my behalf? Any input is appreciated!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Just tell them you are too busy at the moment. Is she getting married soon? Whats her rush in planning, anyway? After the wedding I’m sure you will be busy too…thank you cards, honeymoon.
Post # 4
Just simply tell them that you will be happy to help them with those few details but it will have to wait until AFTER your wedding, as currently you are too busy with the last minute details.
They should understand. If they don’t, I would definitely bring this up with your FI (actually you should be doing that now) and have him talk them down a bit.
Post # 5
I would just let them know that you have 12 days to your wedding and that you are very stressed out and have enough going on with your own wedding. Let them know that you won’t be able to help for awhile as you will be getting married and newly married and need to adjust to that first. Or let your FI do it, since it’s his family.
Post # 6
You should just explain to them that you are soooooo happy for her but that you are just too busy with your own stuff right now.
You could try to approach it by saying that you would never want to cause them extra stress (as you know the stress of wedding planning) and that you just don’t think you will have the time to do these favors for them well and that you would never want to commit to something you cannot complete fully and do a good job on.
That will make it clear that you are not interested in being her wedding go-to-girl but will save you from looking like you’re being mean or uninterested.
Good luck and enjoy your big day 😀
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
They aren’t thinking. You or your FI needs to remind them that you have 5 bajillion things to do now, and then you’ll be on your honeymoon. They can start asking for favors after that.
Post # 8
I would tell her (by text, since I would most likely be out anyway) that I was out [picking up a few things for centerpieces/at a fitting/looking at shoes/talking to travel agent for honeymoon/making seating chart/whatever] and that I’d be happy to do it but you can’t this week or next week because things are crazy.
Post # 9
I would tell them that after you return from your honeymoon you’d be more than happy to help out but, as your FSIL will find out, the last few weeks are stressful.
I don’t see the big deal about helping out, otherwise wtf is family for?
Post # 10
@marie_antoinette: PPs have given you great ideas. Nothing wrong with having a “polite spine”.
Say something like “you are looking forward to helping FSIL with her wedding but right now you need to fully concentrate on your own wedding and will be more available after your honeymoo”
The after that cut your phone off because the MOMENT you return they will be calling
Post # 11
@marie_antoinette: Like all the other’s PPS have said (btw i think having a “polite spine” is brilliant,) tell them that you’ve got so much going on that it’s better if you can give them that stuff after the wedding.
Though be prepared that about 2.1 seconds after the reception is over they will probaby start breathing down your neck for help. Don’t say anything to them that would make them think you’re going to be their damn wedding coordinator. Just say “I’ll be happy to get the spreadsheets over to you once we’re done with this big ta da!”
Don’t overextend yourself, even after your wedding.
Post # 12
Thanks, ladies. Your advice is much appreciated.
Post # 13
@LuvMySailor: “Polite spine” is exactly what I am going for! 🙂
Post # 14
@HisIrishPrincess: I would be more enthusiastic about helping out if 1. I wasn’t so burnt out from planning my own wedding and 2. if they were being a little more sensitive about how stressed out I already am right now. They are just asking me for a lot of help that they don’t realize is very time-consuming, like doing the invitations. So I think I will need to set some boundaries and help in ways I can after my honeymoon and thank you notes are done, without overextending myself.
Post # 15
@marie_antoinette: You just have to speak up. And honestly, make it clear that you will need time post honeymoon (and I don’t just mean a week aftewards either). I think letting them know specifically, a timeline like end of March should be a good time for them to revisit. And be clear what you can and won’t do. If she needs to hire someone to help her, she should do that.
This is very presumptious and just rude in my opinion to bombard you with this 14 days out. Like really?
Post # 16
@marie_antoinette: repeating what PPs have said
Out of curiousity, have any of them offered to help you, especially now that it’s crunch-time?