Wedding Hijackers

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Elope.  Holy crap, just elope…  I hate that these people have done this to you! 🙁

Post # 4
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Here’s what I would do:

Tell her, or better yet, have FI tell her, to SHOVE IT.

Then I’d plan my own wedding, and not include her in any way other than to send an invitation.



If you’re not a mean bitch like I am, then you might do better to get FI to deal with this.  How does he feel about how his mother & sister are treating you?  It doesn’t seem like they respect you- what does FI say about that?

Post # 5
2657 posts
Sugar bee

@mrs_pudding_pop:  Ditto.

If you don’t feel like this is truly your wedding, I would not go through with it.  If you elope, you can have the ceremony you want without the family stress.

Post # 6
40 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is not how it should be.  I know exactly where you are because my first wedding was exactly that.  Not mine, but what someone else thought it should be.  I hated it and never looked back on that day with any sort of fondess.  My advice?  Take a big breath, stand up, and say no.  No to all of it.  And have your fiance at your side when you do.  They need to know its coming from both of you, not just you.  If mom and sis in law are paying for some of it and refuse to because they can’t have it their way, then go for a smaller wedding.  It’s not worth not having your day because someone else is holding the purse strings.  You don’t want to look back and not like the choices you didn’t make.  Just stay true to you.  oh and fair warning, this will suck.  This will cause fights and drama. this will not be over even when the wedding is. But stay strong. 

Post # 7
496 posts
Helper bee

um why was she allowed so much control and say so from the beginning? I get that you are busy but you should have planned everything around your schedule ( I work LONG hours and hava kid so I am not unsympathetic to your time constraints). Don’t know how you can put that geenie back in the bottle now. Is she paying for it? If not, then undo all the changes she made and don’t even say anything to her about it. When she arrives that day and sees pink all over the place and she doesn’t want it, she will have to deal.

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Who’s paying?

If you’re paying, call the vendors, inform them that you’re the bride, and change it back!

But if they’re paying…

Post # 9
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh, wow. First and foremost, you and your fiance need to grow spines ASAP. How in the hell did this happen that they got so involved that they literally took over and planned your wedding for you? Where were you in this, telling them NO? Please tell me that they aren’t spending your money making decisions without you.

Post # 10
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can’t decide if you deserve my pity or not. There is no way them taking over your wedding was a sudden move, which means it’s been happening for a long time. Why have you not stepped in? Or told a vendor “I am the bride, ignore what my FSIL says”? Are your future in-laws the ones paying? Because that’s the only reason I can come up with as to why two grown adults would let other people plan a wedding for them and never step in and say “no.” If you’re paying, then why don’t you just tell all of the vendors that they will either listen to you (the person with the money to pay them) or you will move on and find someone else?

Post # 13
4139 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m confused. How old are you? Is she paying for the wedding? Are the vendors not wondering why the couple being married hasn’t said anything? What does YOUR mom have to say about this? What about your fiance?

I think you should kindly tell her you’re not happy. Your fiance as well, assuming he’s not happy with this either.

No one gets to tell you what to wear. You’re not a toddler. You need to draw the line with this control freak now.

If she’s controlling the situation by being the one to pay for things, delay the wedding,have a small church/JOP service and pay for it yourselves or elope. 



Post # 15
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Who’s paying?

If FILs are paying for all of it, then they should be allowed to provide input, influence, and help; however, these folks seem extreme and selfish by not asking for ideas from YOU… the BRIDE AND GROOM!  It sounds like it’s their wedding now!

But I can’t see these types of people giving up control easily without causing further stress and strain.

You asked what you should do: My belief is that if you’re mature and ready enough to get married, you should be mature and ready to stand up and advocate for yourselves, and you should be mature and ready to PAY for it yourselves. This means have the wedding you can afford.  Even if it’s just a courthouse ceremony and reception at a restaurant, your choices will be YOURS.

And won’t that be a relief?

Post # 16
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so confused – why are they planning your wedding?  Why are they meeting with yoru vendors?  That’s just not normal.

You need to step up and tell them that it’s your wedding and you and yoru FI are going to make the decisions.  It’s absolutely ridiculous that they assume they can plan your wedding and not take you and your thoughts into account.

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