Post # 1
So, I’ve been quite flummoxed lately by all the wedding hypocrisy…not necessarily here on the site but in real life. Any of you have these experiences—OR been guilty of this yourself? If so, I’d love some clarification! 🙂
Ok, so it usually goes like this:
1) a girlfriend and I are talking and someone else’s wedding/engagement plans come up
2) girlfriend and I start a long session complaining about something wedding-related (eg: bridesmaid drama, cost of attending wedding and various showers, friends who have turned into bridezillas)
3) inevitably, girlfriend swears up and down that she will NEVER do any of that. Dream wedding would be simple with no bridal shower or bachelorette or expensive obligatory-gift-giving events
4) a few months later…girlfriend gets engaged
5) Bam! Big wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower, bridezilla behavior, pinterest-crazed behavior, bridesmaids, traditional wedding stuff, etc
I am so confused. As someone who eloped (and stuck to my guns about my own weddign vision), I just don’t get it. Why trash everyone and then do exactly what you said you hated? I can’t ask this question of my girlfriends for fear of offending them as they have ALL turned into wedding-obsessed ladies.
Post # 3
Sometimes people change their minds?
IDK, I said I wasn’t going to do a bridal shower and my bach party is going to be at the destination wedding. So far, I’ve kept my word. But, sometimes I go back and forth – hey, everyone else did it, why can’t it be my turn?
Maybe they struggle similarly?
Post # 4
I didn’t really want a bachlorette or shower, honestly, I could take it for leave it. My aunt & a few of her friends are super excited to throw them though. Other than that, my wedding vision has been pretty much the same since before I got engaged – smallish wedding [no more than 80 guests], a night of dinner & dancing.
Post # 5
@ScreenName: I think it’s bcz ppl do not understand how exciting it is until they are put in the other persons shoes. Is it right no but it’s life.
Post # 6
Maybe this friend only told you what she thought you wanted to hear and then ended up sticking to her guns on what she actually wanted?
Post # 7
I think it’s probably jealously for most. They’re saying negative things about other peopled wedding plans, because they don’t have any plans for they’re own yet. They want to make themselves feel better by saying out loud that they don’t want a shower, bachelorette, etc. For others though they could honestly just change their minds.
Post # 8
@ScreenName: Well, having the whole she-bang isn’t just her decision. Maybe she initially intended to have something more simple, but her FI wanted more of the traditional wedding activities so she switched her plans. It happened to me, so maybe I’m a wedding crazed lunatic for changing my tune.
Also, I’ve noticed it’s a lot easier to talk about weddings hypothetically as opposed to as someone who is actually planning a wedding.
Post # 9
@ScreenName: I changed my mind about having bridesmaids, but really only in terminology (or at least that’s what I tell myself so I don’t feel hypocritical) 😉
I knew I wanted my sisters, sisters in law, and close friends to all have a place of honor during the ceremony, but knew that was waaaay too many bridesmaids to have (12). I was pretty hardcore set on not having any bridesmaids because I didn’t like the term. “Bride’s maids”? You’re my maids? Nah.
Buuuut then as engagement happened (as you indicated) and we got talking, it seemed to make things so much simpler to just call them bridesmaids. While some helped out IMMENSELY, most of them just picked their own dresses, showed up for pictures, and sat in the front row — but I still called them bridesmaids for simplicity’s sake.
Things change. Attitudes change. It happens 🙂
Post # 10
There are also family pressures. My friend was the same way, and now she is all the trappings. It has a lot more of what she thinks her family/him and his family wants. For some reason this is suddenly more important than what she wants.
Post # 11
It’s just so easy to get carried away! We had to refocus and plan new things more than once!
Post # 12
I often critisize most of the wedding behavior because I think that it’s ridiculous to have all this stress over a party, yet I was able to have a 300 guest wedding, 4 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen and no drama after I told my sister she was no longer welcome in the bridal party and not even that required days of drama, it was a 5 minute conversation because everyone knows I don’t entertain mess.
The bridal shower I was thrown was a surprise one because I didn’t want one. We gave my mother in law a budget to throw a wedding and told her to have at it because neither one of us wanted to be bothered. We had other things to do that FAR outweighed a party. We were busy planning the rest of our lives, not one day
Post # 13
@CanadianBride456: +1 – again! We seem to be on the same page today! 🙂
Post # 14
It is also possible that their future husbands or families are pushing for some of those things. I didn’t really want a shower, but my MOH really wanted to throw me one, and there isn’t really a way to say no without being ungrateful, so we compromised and had a couple’s shower.
Post # 15
@ScreenName: I see this all the time. EVERYONE I know says they hate bridal showers, and the stupid games, and the obligatory gift, etc… yet EVERYONE ends up having one. It drives me a bit crazy, not gonna lie.
I had a small wedding (28 guests + the two of us); no bridal shower, no bridal party…. A family member insisted that i must have a bridal shower, so i told her the only way I would attend would be if she explicitly told all guests that no gifts were allowed (everyone had been so generaous from the moment we got engaed that I felt a shower was just ridiculous; plus I hate them).
Post # 16
@ScreenName: Is is possible they got carried away because they were talking to you? They see your wedding and it seems like a good idea at the time. But then when the realities of their situation hit them (family expectations, fiance expectations, friends want to hold parties for them, etc), they realise it won’t work for them. And those realities come ahead of some comments made in a private vent session. (Though I try to avoid vents like that anyway).
(ETA: But bridezilla behaviour is never ok).