- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
I am so upset and need some words of advice, wisdom, comfort or just understanding.
Fiance and I have been under a lot of stress lately, (like all almost married couples) and not least of it is the fact that I am temporarily working only part time so our income is much less than what it usually is right now. Money aside, there are a million other stressors, including a friend of mine staying out our tiny this coming weekend (wedding is the weekend after) and mother staying a few days after. About 18 family and friends of mine are coming here to Rome for the wedding from the states, and will be arriving soon. Fiance feels completely unprepared for the ceremony and other “moments” of the wedding (first dance, speeches, communicating with my family—he speaks quite limited English) and is starting to freak out.
For the record, I don’t think it’s cold feet, but just stress about the ACTUAL EVENT. I have spent the past year planning every detail of this wedding, and it is all coming together. There are a few lose strings, but that’s normal, I know. He has been fighting with me more and more, lately about how besides all the “superficial details” (to him it seems everything, even my veil is a superficial detail) we are not ready for the wedding.
He says (in anger) that I only care about the superficial things, and that the wedding is going to be completely divided (Americans and Italians—despite the fact that I have about 15 friends here who speak both languages and several Italians who speak English) and that the proof of this is that if it rains (as it is SLIGHTLY likely to do) the entire wedding will be ruined because it is all based on appearance.
I think he’s overreacting. We picked all the readings together, he wrote the prayers of the faithful, and I consulted him on every detail of the ceremony. All the different “moments” of the reception are planned, and the planner will make sure it runs smoothly. He keeps saying he needs time to sit and discuss things with me, and clarify exactly what is going to happen, when and how (he hates surprises, and to be honest I have planned 85% of the wedding without much of his input) and I am happy to do this, but all he seems to want to really do is fight. I try to discuss things calmly, and he cannot stop blowing up every five seconds. He is Italian and this is a common trait, but I am starting to lose my patience.
We’ve been together almost three years, we’re both over 30, and I truly believe we are together for the right reasons, and we love each other so much. But all this fighting (to me it’s not so important WHAT we are fighting about, but HOW he is treating me) is making me think I am making the biggest mistake of my life. The thought of a life of constant fighting makes my blood turn cold. He is such a good man, but when he is angry he can’t control what he says, and he just goes off.
If I have to be completely honest, I must admit to myself that if it weren’t for the TENS of thousands of EUROS already spent by all sides, plus the fact that the tickets are all bought, hotels are all booked, and the thought of canceling my wedding at the last minute to me is something I would “never” do, if it weren’t for all of this, I would postpone the wedding at this point.
We always make up, and usually quite quickly too, but that doesn’t make the miserable moments we are fighting any easier. I don’t know what to do. My best friend has just arrived and I can’t wait to have a drink w her tonight. Not only does Fiance refuse to come, but he is trying to tell me I shouldn’t go because I have too much to do. (He’ll be at the gym tho….)
I am so angry, hurt, confused….