Post # 1
Im a bridesmaid for my best friend on December 21st. Iv been so excited for her over the last few months and being as helpful as I possibly can. I planned a huge hens night for her, iv been to every dress fitting and shopping outing, iv put her onto a heap of vendors who were amazing at my wedding.
Over the last few months things have changed somewhat…Firstly, Im pregnant! I will be 6.5months on the wedding day and im certainly looking swell. The bride was well aware of my intentions to get pregnant straight after our wedding. I am high risk with a history of stillbirth so putting it off really wasnt an option. When I got pregnant I sat her down and explained that I was only more than happy to step down from being a bridesmaid. Id still be there to help when she needed and would definately be there on the day, she refused.
After my wedding in April I decided to cut my hair…I txt her first and said did she have plans for my long locks cause if not I was going to chop them off. We are going into Summer here in NZ and I just couldnt handle the weight of the hair I had been growing anymore. She was totally fine with it and just said go ahead. So I did…My hair now sits just above my shoulders.
Now we are 3 weeks from the wedding, I know she is stressed but shes starting to make me feel terrible. Firstly my dress doesnt fit…Her mum is making them so its not a major but I know she resents me for being preg at her wedding (shes given me a run down on how to stand so I dont look preg in the photos). She txt me over the weekend saying the hairdresser has said there is nothing she can do for my hair because it is too short to curl/style…she has asked me to get hair extensions. Now I feel even worse. I feel like the whole reason you have a bridal party is so your friends can be there on the day and beforehand because they are your closest and dearest friends….not because they look a certain way.
Im doing my best to keep calm and carry on…I just want this wedding to be over 🙁
ETA: I would have to pay for said hair extensions 4 days before Xmas when I only have 4 weeks left at work so am watching my money so closely to make it last. Ugh
Post # 3
That doesn’t seem nice of her.
You’re not her “prop” for nice pics…
please make sure you and your baby are well & don’t let her stress you out additionally.
take a calm moment to talk to her – make her see your point of view.
all the best for the upcoming months of your pregnancy!
Post # 4
If her hairdresser can’t style shoulder length hair then she should really hire a different hairdresser. I would never get extensions because someone else wanted me to. Don’t feel bad at all. Go to the wedding with your short hair and pregnant belly and have fun. If she has a problem with it then tell her to shove it.
Post # 5
@MeeShell: she wants you to stand so you dont look pregnant? Sorry bridezilla much. I’d tell her extensions arent in the buget, point blank, period. And suggest you attending as a guest if that would be less stress for her.
Post # 6
@bklynbridetobe: all of this. Nice guys finish last. Dont let her dictate all these ridiculous things to you.
Post # 7
I would try to be nice but don’t go too far out of your way to change anything. I mean I’d stand the way she asked but wouldn’t pay to get extensions. Like a pp said, you’re not her prop. If she’s usually a good friend I’d guess she’s just feeling really stressed and being insensitive. Best of luck!
Post # 8
If she’s demanding you have hair extensions then she should be paying! My sister has chin length hair and they still managed to put it up in a beautiful style at my wedding.
Post # 9
when she said ‘stand this way so you don’t look pregnant’ i would have said ‘but i am pregnant, i’m not going to pretend not to be’. and i would have texted back about the hair, ‘don’t worry, i’m happy to style my own hair, do you have a preference for straight or curly?’
honestly. this girl is so rude.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It sounds like she may be experiencing a bit of bride meltdown. As her best friend, do her a huge favor and have a heart to heart with her. Invite her to your place for tea and girl talk, give her a big long hug, and gently remind her that a wedding is about 2 people hoining together in marriage- everything else is just a party that doesn’t really matter. She needs a bit of perspective, and you are in a great position to help her get that perspective. As a bonus, getting the right perspective on the situation will probably help her simmer the f#ck down about your bridesmaid “look”. Because, let’s be honest, you are who you are and she should love you for that. You are not her Barbie doll.
Post # 11
@MeeShell: My MoH will be 5 months pregnant at my wedding and she is also planning on cutting her hair (she grew it out for her wedding which was last month).
I’m just so happy to have her be there for me, I am not at all concerned about if she will look pregnant in my pictures. My biggest concern has been finding a dress that will work for her and not be uncomfortable!
Seems a bit unreasonable to me, I would want to have a conversation with her to find out what she really wants. Not sure if she is getting stressed from anyone else around her.
Post # 12
Thanks for the replies ladies! I really feel like the worst friend in the world but your replies have made me feel a bit better.. Its really out of character for her to be so snarky so im wandering if she is just stressed.
I must also add that iv been asked to get a spray tan $35, acrylic nails $40 and eyelash extensions $59. All of these to be paid for by me! When I got married in April, it didnt cost my bridesmaids a cent! I paid for everything for them and they were given an option for everything that was to do with them! and to make matters worse….this particular bride didnt even get us a wedding gift…or just a card for that matter. Not that its about gifts but this just all seems like a kick in the teeth 🙁
Post # 13
@MeeShell: What a demanding b!tch! That’s so not cool. You’re not her barbie doll. If you’re pal, she can suck it. If your hair is short, well I have seen some beautiful dos on short hair. Fake nails? $10 pack from *checks where you’re from and realises not Aus* the supermarket. Same with false lashes. And she should be paying if she’s gonna be demanding you look a certain way. My BMs – I’m asking them to pay for hair and makeup…but only if they want it done. If they wanna DIY, all good by me 🙂 I’m going to paint their nails in my fancy schmancy shellac stuff. Your friend is being unreasonable, and no wedding gift etc is rude 🙁
Post # 14
@MeeShell: God I hate seeing all these stories of brides using their bridesmaids just for show! It’s horrendous! I have no requests for my bridesmaids other than they all wear black. Literally everything else is up to them, I’m just so excited to have them to share the lead up and the bid day with!
The fact that she’s demanding you pay for all of those things is rediculous, if she doesn’t want to pay for you she can’t force you to do it! You’re not a prop! If it’s truly making you unhappy you should speak to her about stepping down. Yes your wedding day is a special time, but it does NOT give you a free ticket to act like a B*** to everyone around you!
Post # 15
@MeeShell: Geez, I don’t understand why some brides care so much about what their bridesmaids look like or expecting them to go to all these appointments with them. All I’m asking my bridal party to do is get their dresses. That’s it. And I certainly wouldn’t care if one of them was pregnant. Really, who cares! And I don’t expect any of them to come along for fittings, dress shopping, or whatever else. Their lives don’t revolve around me, just cause I’m getting married and they are in my bridal party.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. As long as you show up to the rehearsal and wedding, you have DONE YOUR PART. If she wants long locks, then SHE can buy YOU the extensions for HER wedding. If she doesn’t, oh well, your hair wil be short in her pics. Gasp!
Post # 16
@MeeShell: I’ll admit I asked my girls to buy their dresses and pay for their hair to be done by the girl coming to our getting ready site. In all the weddings I’ve been in, personally I find it more enjoyable, if funds allow, to pay someone to do your hair. then you dont stress about it and its more enjoyable. One of my BM really can’t afford it, and I’m paying for it all. The others i’m paying for 50% of it.
Other than that, I have someone coming to my makeup and that’s up to them. Everything else is completely up to them. I’m buying them breakfast in the morning, some of them are staying the night with me, I’m paying for all tipping, I bought them gifts (spend about $50/person ((5 ppl)) ).
You friend def has a case of the bridezillas…. I’d DEF say no to the extentions. that stuff is expensive! I looked into it for my wedding because i wanted my hair long, but not for that much lol. Lash extentions? Fake lashes work amazing for one or two days. Tan? Personal choice, she shouldn’t be making you. Manicure ? More than likely your hands wont have a closeup. The only thing I’d ask is no conflicting nail polish colors and no chiped nails (if the color is other than a neutral).