wedding in one month, I am freaking out!!

posted 3 years ago in June 2014
Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It sounds like you maybe should have planned on a longer engagement since you’re still recovering from being toyed with last year (sorry, I post-stalked). It’s no good to throw around the threat of cancelling the wedding, so it probably makes him think you’re not very serious about carrying through with it. It also sounds like you have a lot on your plate with a 5 year old, a new house, dog, and him not being around for 3 weeks right before the wedding – I leaned on my FI so much in the month before the wedding -it is a really stressful time! Do you have any friends in your new area that could help you with your feelings and thoughts and possibly prepare for the day? You mention breaking up as something as simple as just returning a sweater, if these thoughts come so easy you might want to seek some professional advice and really consider this huge step.

Post # 4
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

First of all…..take a deep breath!!!  Either way it will be ok and life will go on. 

I read your other post from a year ago, so I see where you are coming from. Couple things to address here. 

1) your relationship – STOP saying you want to cancel the wedding when you don’t really mean it!!!!  With it being on and off again fighting and him leaving for 3 weeks, I think you should focus on making it happy. Every moment and word said is a choice. In marriage counseling, I remember the counselor saying that we were stuck in the vicious cycle, that when one does or says something negative, the other one does back and it goes around in a vicious cycle of negative. Well, the same can happen with positive. Fake it if you have to (fake it til you make it), do something nice for him, then he will in return. Keep doing it..even if he doesn’t. Tell him he looks nice, cook his favorite meal, have a candlelit dinner even if it’s with macaroni and cheese, when he gets home from work, dont’ say anything and take him by the hand into the bedroom and have your way with him, stuff like that. When he calls while gone, just be extremely happy on the phone, be happy he called, talk about the happy stuff. Don’t talk about any negative. Same when he returns. Greet him with excitement and that you are so glad he’s home. Trust me, your feelings you exude on the outside is what he sees and feels back for you. 

2) your concerns – you need to express how you feel to him. You MUST communicate how you feel with him. That you want it to be better. You know relationships have up and downs and there will be times that will be hard. But it’s a marriage not a item you can just return and give back. For better or worse. You talk it out, work on it, fix it and make it even better. 

3) Everything that needs to be done for the wedding. Make a list and what they cost. Then prioritize them on what you really NEED as opposed to just you want. Start from there. Check them off. It’s very gratifying checking that list off, trust me. Just take it one at a time. You have 6 weeks, average out how many per week you NEED to do. Then if time, then look at your WANT to do list and see if you still want those. No one will know all the details you wanted, just what they see and most won’t even remember. They are there to see you get married to the man you love, nothing else really matters. 

4) You want to cry thinking about yourself in your dress. Can you elaborate? Why do you feel that way? What makes you say that? Do you not like it? The thought of marriage? Reminder of your relationship state right now? Let’s talk. Whats going on there?

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You should have set a longer engagement so you guys could adjust to all of the changes you were making. Are you stressed mostly because of the timeline? Or is it something deeper within the relationship that you are questioning? 

Post # 7
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Hawk-1-1:  Don’t be afraid. I’m glad you guys talked.As you said you want to feel amazing on that day and you will. Unfortunately it does take a little work to get to that day. Lol. You will have that feeling. Betcha!

I know my FI was getting overwhelmed at me being overwhelmed, so he just asked that I write down all the questions I wanted his input on or answers I needed and then one/two nights a week, we sit down and knock them all out. I’m very detailed person and he is not so it was just too much for him to take in and process. 

Hence making the list, make the list, prioritize and start working on it. The longer you put it off the more stressful it will be at the end. You can do this. Let us know if you need ideas or help the thought process. You can do this. 

Now, just go up to him and give him a big hug and kiss and tell him ” you love him, want to spend the rest of your life with him…and NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!”. 

Post # 9
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Weddings planning is stressful and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been the source of our fights over the last year. 

Deep breath in. I have no family here and have done all the decorations myself. Mostly by hand. You can do it too. Make weekly to do lists that are reasonable and slowly cross things off as you get them done. Yes you’ll be busy, but if you can stay on task or move ahead faster than expected you’ll eliminate a lot of last minute stress. 

I can’t tell you how many times I said “Eff it. Let’s elope” over the course of our engagement. You’ll be fine! Keep going, don’t give up! And at the end of the day if something doesn’t get done I bet only you will notice it at the wedding. 😉

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