Post # 1
I’m hoping someone can make me feel better.
We’re eloping to Vegas this year. I haven’t told my parents we’re doing this (just that we’re eloping, which they’re happy with). So my father asked me today if I ever had any desire to go to the US after he found out my FH has to go there for work. I said yes, we’re going this year. He quickly got angry and said I better be going on a tour. I said ‘No, why would I do that?’ He then got crankier ‘Christ, why would you go there?’ and said ‘Not to trust any of them’ or i’ll end up dead.
Now i feel bad about my &*%&$&$^& wedding plans. I have this booked, we have most of it planned. I am angry with him. I’m nearly 30 btw. I feel like I’ve always been treated like this – no trust that I can take care of myself or succeed in anything or just be plain SAFE anywhere!!!! They’re always raining on my parade, I am so sick of negativity in my life.
And before someone says ‘talk to him about how you feel’, that’s not going to happen. He’s not like that. He’s controlling and basically hasn’t liked me very much since I moved out ten years ago, presumably because he had less control over me. He just gets angry and yells.
Btw, I’m an only child, which I know some of you will point at as being the cause of his attitude. I don’t know about that. Aren’t only children supposed to be ‘special’ and cared for and loved so much, rather than being told they can’t succeed their entire life, they can’t go places, and being controlled etc?
Any kind thoughts that would make me feel better would be much appreciated 🙂
edit to say: This is typical of his behaviour. I’m not getting all upset about one incident, I guess it’s just an important incident. This has been going on my whole life. I missed out on so much because of this and his attitude. I don’t want to feel bad about my big day.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
If this is the way he is and it’s not going to change, you have to toughen up.
Because basically you have two choices: accept it and let it roll of your back, or keep getting upset about it.
Personally I think life is too short to be continually angry.
Obviously this is easier said than done, but you’re going to have to develop some gracious comebacks: “I love that you want to protect me dad, but I’m a grown woman now; I’ll just have to live and learn!” or whatever.
Don’t think about this anymore. You’re going to have an awesome elopment!
Post # 4
@prahajess: You know what? You’re 100% right. He’s not going to change so I’ll have to just deal and get on a plane and have a great time without letting that negative voice creep into my head. Why are families so painful???
Hopefully FH will get a transfer to the US for work and that’ll really piss him off! 🙂
Thanks, you have made me feel better!
Post # 5
Your elopement will be amazing. Vegas is fun and nobody is going to kill you. Just a bunch of drunk people from all over the world walking around looking for the next place to party.
I feel you about the way your dad is acting. My dad was similar. I was never allowed to go to Mexico because I was “going to get killed or kidnapped” and my dad didn’t want me to have kids because there was a revolution coming. I don’t have any advice to give…except just keep going through with your plans…you will survive and so will your dad.
Post # 6
@FemShepN7: My father always told me you cannot control others’ actions, you can merely control your reaction to them and that only you can allow yourself to be angry,hurt, sad, happy etc. Basically, don’t let him make you feel bad, just do what you want. You control how much you let him affect you and while i know it is easy to say and harder to, in cases like this, it’s worth doing
Post # 7
@boogiewoogies: It feel so good to know I’m not alone!!!! I’ve been told I’ll be killed, well everywhere! Everywhere!!! Everywhere is dangerous!
@BtoR: That is excellent advice. Sort of like what Prahajess said – I can control how I feel about it. I’ll have to get stronger at ignoring this stuff. It’s gone on too long.
I sent my FH an email about it too (he’s overseas on business) and he just said ‘Why on earth would we take a tour?!?! LOL!’ 🙂
Post # 8
I know this wasn’t ur question, but I live in Vegas and it’s pretty safe! There are cops all over the strip and the craziest thing I’ve ever seen was a middle aged man peeing jn public, while it was gross he def wasn’t killing anyone lol
Post # 9
@MrsRichard: LOL! It’s really not like I thought I’d go visit the death star before it blows up or something! I think he’s reacting to America in general unfortunately. I didn’t mention the other places we’re going, LA, NY etc… thought better not to!
Post # 10
@FemShepN7: lol anywhere can be dangerous but I’m sure you guys are mature adults that know not to talk to strangers or walk down dark alleys lol
Post # 11
@MrsRichard: exactly! I think it’s aimed more at me than FH. There seemed to a lack of concern about him going to the US! :S
Post # 12
@FemShepN7: You know I went to Mexico for the very last Spring Break of my life. I was 35 and I never had a spring break in college, I was always working. Now I was in grad school and goshdarnit! I was going to do a real spring break (mexico is very popular here, but more like Cancun).
But if you read the news, there are awful drug lord murders going on. Awful. However, where we were going was safe according to the Mexico travel board.
My mom begged me not to go. My sister begged me not to go. They were seriously trying to talk me out of it.
So I just stopped talking to them prior to the trip. I emailed them before I left (I love you and all of that) but I was going. No one was going to stop me from going when all signs were clear based on my research. I was not going into drug lord territory. I spoke Spanish too!
You’re going to Vegas, you have nothing to worry about!
Post # 13
@FemShepN7: If it helps any I’m from the US, and I don’t think you are at any more risk of being harmed walking around the streets of Vegas than anywhere else!
Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t tell him anything else about your plans. Does he know the date of your elopement? If not just leave it as you are going on vacation. Don’t talk about the location again unless he says something. If he does just tell him that you have done extensive research on the area you are staying in, and that you are a big girl that can take care of herself. Also add that you don’t plan on going out without your FI being around, so you won’t be walking the streets alone.
Post # 14
@FemShepN7: I agree that you should just get on that plane and have an amazing time without a second thought.
If you do need to talk to your dad about this again, you might want to remind him while Vegas does have its seedy side, as with any city in the US, Vegas is unique in a way in that it is totally reliant on tourists for making its money. If it was unsafe, no one would visit and the city would disappear. There are police and security everywhere It is also unique in that the Strip area is “awake” 24/hours/day. There are always tons of people around all the time.
Post # 15
I’m not for Vegas, but [for the most part] people in the US aren’t going to bite you.
My boss freaking LOVES Vegas, mainly for the buffets (yep, seriously). But there are tons of fun things to see and do, and people from all over the world to meet!
Go and have a good time with your elopement – sounds like if you had a wedding it would be on your dad’s terms, anyway – which would be an awful experience judging by what you say.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@FemShepN7: The US news media overhypes every single thing. Most cities and areas are extremely safe to visit or live. He’s being ridiculous and as an only child myself I hear this from my dad when my husband and I discuss potentially moving back to the UK where my husband lived for 5 years. It’s overprotective daddy issues that are best ignored because they’re just being silly.