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I would personally write it up to have your mother as a single host.
Mrs. Your mom's name
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Ms. Alloy
to
Mr. Alloy
I think that after doing the majority of raising you on her own and helping with the wedding, your mom deserves this honor. I agree that naming your father would really cheapen her contribution.
If your dad asks why he was not named on the invitation, explain (politely) to him that traditionally only financial contributors to the wedding are named on the invitation. He doesn't need to know that your mother's contribution is more DIY help than financial, none of his business really. Also explain that the host of the wedding is usually named, and he is not hosting. Good luck :)
@SouthernCJ: This is the best explanation, and a great way to get out of putting your dad on the invite. Your mom deserves to be the only person listed
I had a similar situation, but I didn't tell my Dad that he wouldn't be on the invite. He hasn't contributed one bit. No phone calls, no nothing. So I was a little shcoked when he received the invitation and blew up at my brother. He said he would not be attending my wedding. I know that you are trying to keep things civil so maybe let him know ahead of time so you don't have the same reaction.
PS I'm actually happy he's not going to be there. I don't really like him much.
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I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to phrase my invitations. I've read a thousand etiquette guides, and I can't find anything that discusses my situation.
Here is the scenario:
- This is my first marriage and I'm under 30
- My fiance and I are paying for the majority of the wedding
- My mother, who raised me by herself and I am very close to, is contributing as much as she can, but it is a very small proportion of the wedding cost. She has been very involved in the planning process and is helping me with lots of DIY projects.
- I talk to my dad and my step-mother occasionally, but I don't think he would ever contribute to my wedding (even if he had the money to do so.) I've been around him consistently my whole life, but he has never supported me in any way and is totally uninvolved in the wedding planning process. The majority of his family doesn't get along with him at all, but they have a great relationship with my mom. My brother hasn't spoken to him in years, but I try to maintain a distant relationship with him for reasons I don't entirely understand. My dad and my step-mom will be attending the wedding. I like my step-mom, but she has only been married to my dad for a few years and I don't know her very well AND it's very possible that they will get divorced soon- my dad's 4th failed marriage. Both my mother and father will be giving me away (it's an interfaith wedding and having both parents walk you down the aisle is part of the Jewish tradition.)
- My fiance's parents are deceased
Even though we're pretty much hosting the wedding ourselves, I would like to have my mother listed as the host because she is supporting me, if not so much financially, emotionally. I am considering leaving my father's name off of the invitation, but I don't want it to be a jab, as I do try to stay in contact with him and making a statement about my dad's lack of parenting skills is not my intention. I guess I don't think it's right to have him on there because he's more of a guest than a host and it seems to dillute my mother's contributions to my life and my marriage. Would it be poor etiquette to leave him off? If I do leave him on there, I don't think anyone in my family will actually be mislead into thinking that he helped in any way, because they all know him too well. :) I don't think he'll care one way or the other, but I don't want to be tacky or disrespectful.
"Together with their parents" doesn't really work because my fiance doesn't have any. Together with her parents seems weird to me because it sort of highlights the fact that he doesn't have any parents. Wording suggestions would be greatly appreciated!