- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
This is a bit of a long story, so I’ll try to make it as short as possible. To start it off, my parents and I have a bit of a toxic relationship. I come from a very traditional Chinese family and in their minds, I’m basically a useless waste of life because I’m a female. My dad thinks women are useless and are the weaker sex, and sadly, my mom pretty much agree. Amongst my parents’ many grievances in life was the fact that I was unmarried. They were so depsarate to see me married off that they even offered to pay for my wedding. Well, the day came earlier this year when my FI popped the question and they were estatic. Finally, someone was willing to take their useless daugher off their hands (uh..I’m college-educated and have a great job, but in their minds, I’m still a useless sack of sh*t because I was “single” all this time, my job wasn’t brag-worthy, yadda yadda yadda). Anways, so back in May, I brought up the fact that they offered to help with the wedding, and the response was, “What? We shouldn’t be paying. Just pay for it yourself.” I wasn’t too surprised by their response given the fact that my parents have never helped me financially, but at the same time, I had already mentioned to my FI that my parents were offering to help with some of the wedding expenses and he in turn told his parents. Well, then I had to tell him my parents decided to change their minds and I was basically stuck with footing the entire cost of the wedding myself. So my FI ended up talking to his parents, and they decided to help out with the reception costs. Now I feel HORRIBLY guilty because FI’s parents already just helped to pay for his sister’s wedding.
Anyways, that was the background. Now, I’m in the process of ordering my wedding invitations and I’m so baffled by the rule of etiquette. FI wants his parents’ names on the wedding invites and I know that if I leave my parents’ names off, they’ll make a big stink about it. So, according to the rules, I believe the hosts’ names show up first in the invite. Also, the bride’s name is supposed to come before the groom’s name. Something along the lines of:
Groom’s parents invite to to the marriage of [BRIDE’s name] to their son [GROOM’s name]
However, how do I word this if I have to throw my parents’ names in there. I can’t have my parents’ names appear before FI’s parents, can I? They’re not making any real contribution to the wedding. And it’d be weird if it looks like this:
Groom’s parents and Bride’s parents invite to to the marriage of [BRIDE’s name] to [GROOM’s name]
Wouldn’t that make it seem as if my FI’s parents are my parents instead just because of the order of our names? What does everyone think? Have any of you out there had to deal with the same dilema? How should I word my invites? Honestly, if I had things my way, I won’t even have my parents’ names on there, but that would just look weird…and would piss them off.