(Closed) Wedding Invitation Words (Parent’s Names?)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

FI and I are paying for everything. Our parents are not contributing to the wedding. We still put both our parents names on it. They have done so much for us over the years its a nice way to honor them.

Post # 4
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We are doing a “Together with their parents” type of wording.  My parents recently divorced so the wording there would be strange (only because it is so fresh).  We talked to FHs parents about not including names and they are on board.

Post # 5
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Kristen0128: We put both sets of parents name on the wedding invitation. My in-laws only paid for the rehearsal dinner. We thought it was a nice way to honor all of them. We liked the wording of it too. We did “Together with their parents “Mom and Dad carrieknitscake” & “Mom & Dad DH’s” invite you to the wedding of Mr. Carrieknitscake and my Carrieknitscake Full Maiden Name”……….

Post # 7
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

‘We did together with our families’ even though FIs mom and father aren’t contributing at all, and my parents are changing what they originally offered.  But we wanted to include everyone and didn’t offend anyone. 

Post # 8
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We just said together with their parents. We are paying the majority, although their contributions are quite helpful. I actually would have been fine with putting their names on, except that my parents are divorced and my mother’s remarried, and trying to figure out the wording was a headache I didn’t want to deal with.

Post # 9
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’re paying half and my parents are paying half – but we listed both sets of parents on top as a way of honoring them.  I’d probably go ahead and add parents names if they had an issue, since I have enough other things to argue with the parents about.

Post # 10
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you’re paying for it, it’s up to you. If you won’t miss the $500, tell your dad that you don’t need it and that way he can’t complain that he’s not on the invitation. Our faher’s aren’t putting anything towards the wedding, so ours are going to read “Together with their Mothers, O’Rella and John invite you…” bla bla bla

 If you do need the money, just tell your dad that this is the traditional wording and just because his name isn’t explicitly stated doesn’t mean that the guests won’t understand that he’s contributing….

 Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with previous posters — I think putting both sets of parents’ names is a nice way of honoring them for all the support (not just financial) they’ve given us. 

FI and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves, although both sets of parents have generously contributed their time and money to help out.  We are doing:

 

Together with their parents

[His Parents]

[My Parents]

 

HisFirstNameMiddleName  and MyFirstnameMiddleName

 

invite you . . .

 

 

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

We are doing “Together with their parents” even though my parents are paying for the bulk of it. Here’s the thing though. Both mine and FI’s parents are divorced and that would be WAY TOO EFFING COMPLICATED to have all of them on the invite. And I’m not one for way too effing complicated. 🙂 His parents aren’t able to contribute financially but have contributed a lot in other things (finding us a venue, using their discount for said venue, free cake, etc). So in order to just be sort of neutral to the whole ordeal, we decided that wording worked best for what we want to convey.

 This does not mean I am not honoring them in some other way, I just don’t feel it necessary to have a million people’s names on the invite when no one is going to care about any names but “whose wedding is it?” They seem fine with it, I suppose.

FYI though – we’re not having a super traditional wedding at all though.

Post # 13
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Funny how different people are.  My FILs are paying for over half of the wedding and wanted us to just put our own names on the invitations b/c they didn’t think it was anyone’s business who paid for it.

Anyway, you’re not wrong.  I’d just tell your dad that it’s easier this way and this is how it is done when the bride’s parents don’t pay for the whole thing.  If it’s important to them, and you don’t care, it’s ok to put their names on there…but make sure everyone’s name will fit.

Post # 14
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I put my parents names on the wedding invite (they are paying) and I put FI’s parents names on the rehersal dinner invite (they are paying) so I wanted to honor each contribution. I would tell your Dad that you have checked the etiqutte and that is how it is worded when various people are contributing to the event. Assure him that his full name will be placed in the program and announced during the reception if you think that would please him 🙂

Post # 15
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

i am having this same dilemma…

my parents are recently divorced and my mom changed her name back to her maiden name. i wanted to just say “together with their parents…” and my both of my parents are okay with it but my finace just told me that his mom wants her name on the invite. i just feel awkward having to draw attention to my parents’ situation but i don’t want to hurt future mother in law’s feelings…

 

Post # 16
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Kristen0128:

It’s less who is paying and how much (which, as EleanorRigby‘s future inlaws so rightly pointed out, is nobody’s business) and more about who is taking personal responsibility for the style and details of the event including — most importantly — the comfort and well-being of the guests. That person is the hostess.

Traditionally, the hostess would be the bride’s mother or closest willing kinswoman, and her husband if any. That means your father’s name, assuming your parents are divorced as I am guessing from the cost breakdown you gave, would not appear on a traditionally worded invitation. So don’t let him claim his objections are based on “what’s proper”!

In this case, the hostess seems to be you, so your wording is more-or-less correct. A stickler might object that the “together with their parents” wording suggests you are co-hosting, which is “not done” at truly formal events.  Conveniently, though, correcting that little detail also addresses your father’s complaint, by replacing the offhand reference to your parents as co-hosts, with an explicit use of their names as part of YOUR self-identification! Like this:

 

Your Full Name

daughter of Ms Your Mom
and Mr Your Dad

and

FH Full Name

son of Mr His Dad and Mrs His Mom (or Mr and Mrs His Dad, if they prefer)

invite you…blah blah blah

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