Post # 1
My parents are paying for 95% of the wedding while my Fiance are paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal. In considering invites, I originally wanted “together with their parents” but my parents really want to have their names on the invite. So no biggie, easy compromise. Now my mother is insisting that I put my FI’s parents names on the invite too to honor them. Preferablly, under his name. However, since we are having an informal outdoors, rustic wedding, I have been looking at casual vintage invites that don’t follow this pattern.
My mother keeps insisting that this must be done as it is how everyone does it now and it is mandated by etiquette. Is this true? Do I HAVE TO HAVE “son of so and so”? Is it rude not too?
Post # 3
I think it is optional, but I think it’s a nice touch! I do not think putting “son of so-and-so” says anything about who is paying/hosting, so not an issue there.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s required but I do think it’s the respectful thing to do to acknowledge your FI’s parents. It’s their soon getting married after all.
We included DH’s parents’ names on the invitation without any prompting and let me tell you it earned us HUGE points with them.
Post # 5
I agree with the PPs. If you’re going more informal, you could always use everyone’s names without the Mr. Mrs. etc. title.
ex: Jane and John Doe
invite you to celebrate the marriage of their daughter
Stacie Marie to Alan Michael Smith
son of Susan and Jacob Smith
Then everyone’s names are included, but it’s less formal than the traditional Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of your company…
Post # 6
i think is optional, you should do it if thats how you want it.
we included parents name on invitation, but is not a must
Post # 7
I agree that it’s optional. Perhaps you can talk to your Fiance and see how important this is to his parents. If they don’t care too much, you could stick with your original plan.
Post # 8
My parents and his mom are contributing to the wedding so we wanted to include them in the invitation. My parents are recently divorced and my mom changed her name back to her maiden name so I felt very uncomfortable with having to deal with how to word things and worried about drawing attention to their recent divorce when the emphasis should be on our new marriage. I originally just wanted to put “together with our parents” and my parents were perfectly fine with it but his mom wanted her name on the invite. I struggled with what to do with the whole situation for awhile but ended up wording it like this:
Together with their parents
Brittany Ann Jones
Chad Nicholas Johnson
request the honor of your presence
blah blah blah….
I don’t know if that helps but you might like it because it doesn’t include the whole “daughter of/son of so and so” wording. And if both sets of parents are still married you could just do one whole couple per line so it would only be two lines instead of listing all three seperately like I had to. Just an idea! 🙂
Post # 9
How does your mother usually word her written invitations to informal rustic events? I am guessing that she doesn’t send written invitations to such events: perhaps she hasn’t sent a written invitation to anything in years. That is “how everyone does it now” in daily life, and what etiquette really mandates, is that your wedding should not be completely out of touch with your daily life.
An invitation is supposed to serve a purpose, and that purpose is to tell the guests WHO is inviting WHOM, to WHAT, WHERE, and WHEN. It isn’t an Oscars acceptance speech. Your mom turns out to be mistaken on this one.
Part of the “What” is the fact that it’s a wedding reception and who the people getting married are. If you are inviting people who won’t know who the hosts, bride and groom are without being told that the groom is “son of John and Mary Smith”, then that might be important to include. But another part of the “What” is the fact that this is a rustic informal party. Third-person declarative wording, stilted and artificial as it is, implies a formal event. An informal invitation is correctly worded in the second person and uses natural English. So, if your mother is committed to what etiquette really mandates, her letters of invitation (most correctly, hand-written) should read something like
Dear Susan and George,
Our daughter Tumi will be married to Sven Forty-Seven; on Saturday the thirty-second of January, at four o’clock at St Swithin’s Chapel. Thomas and I would love for you to join us for the wedding, and to a reception at our hunting lodge afterward. Sven is the son of John and Mary Smith.
Worded that way, inserting the line about Sven’s parents doesn’t make the letter sound formal at all. Those of us old fogeys who believe that when a man is old enough to marry he’s old enough to stand on his own two feet (and pay for his own honeymoon) will wonder who on earth John and Mary Smith are, that I should care that Sven is their son. The real correct place for John and Mary to be honoured by having their name engraved on an invitation, is when Mary sends out the rehearsal dinner invitations. At that point, she will be the hostess, and can have her name in the blackest fanciest font she wants to use.
Post # 10
Over here, the wedding invitations always come from the bridal party, i.e “Mr and Mrs Bloggs would like to invite you to the wedding of their daughter Miss Bloggs, to Mr Tweets.” <– Did anyone see what I did there, haha?
So I think it’s traditional not to include his parents on the invite – especially if they haven’t contributed as much (which in custom the grooms parents would not pay for at all) so I think it’s ok. 🙂