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Some parts of a wedding are certainly a waste, especially if you have other pertinant finanical concerns.
Marriage isn't a waste, just some of the proportions we blow the day into are ;)
You have to think that a wedding is just ONE day. I would rather a roof over my head for the other days but that is my opinion, I know lots of couple would prefer to marry first before purchasing their first home together.
Spending thousands of dollars on a party vs. investing in your future. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Edit: If I had not already owned a home, I would have had a small family only wedding and bought the house.
Personally, if I had been offered $10K (ETA- for our future), or a $10K wedding, I would take the $10K in a heartbeat.
But our families have very generously offered to cover many of the costs of the wedding, not cut us a check for either. We're really really awed by the support. So we're happily planning a party within that, and saving elsewhere for some of those future goals.
I felt that way A LOT. But now that it's said and done - DH and I agreed that it was totally worth it (to us).
It was kind of this season of life that we were glad we participated in and shared with our family and friends.....
We struggled with the wedding plans and money a lot in planning. Something we did was really think about the "WHY" behind why we wanted a big wedding. We realized it was very important to make the declaration with our community of support... and that became the rock during times I wondered - is all this $$ really worth it!
I figured I wouldn't really find out the answer to that question until AFTER it was all said and done.... and, like I said before, for us it was worth every stinkin' penny.... (ok, maybe not EVERY) ;) but it was worth all the headache and scrimping and saving!
Honestly, i would have loved a much smaller wedding than what we are having. My mom is constantly telling me I should save all the money we are spending on the wedding and use it as a down payment on a house. My fiance's family is really close, so we could not leave people out. I would of loved a small ceremony with 25-30 people having dinner after or something. But it is what it is and I am very excited for our day :)
We owned pre-wedding but we want to move so the wedding money could have been used for a down payment. Once in awhile I still have holy sh*t moments about the money we spent on our wedding but I don't regret that we spent the money we did. There are only so many moments in life you get to celebrate with all your loved ones and thats what the wedding was for us.
Of course I'd never advocate chosing a wedding over food but I was ok with putting off a forever home another couple years.
We made sure that pur wedding-related spending in no way impacted our ability to buy a house after the wedding. In fact, we were set to buy a house before the wedding, but the deal fell through and we pulled out of the market completely. So during our wedding planning phase we actually had more time to add to the house savings account. Is a wedding a waste? Well I don't regret a single penny that we spent on ours, and Mr. LK and I paid for 75% of it from our own bank account. So, no, it wasn't a waste for us. But if it had threatened to compromise our long term financial goals I may be singing a different song. In the end, our long-tem financial goals would superseed my wedding planning joy.
For us, spending all that money on one day was out of the question since before we got engaged. We wanted the money to build a life together.
In your case, as you said now, it's all planned and to late to go back, so go and enjoy your wedding day!
I feel like a house is a lot better thing to invest a big chunk of money in, and that a lot of wedding things can be a waste of money, but you should spend enough (within your means) to make you happy.
We bought our house first! I needed to know I wasn't crazy wasting money on an extravagant expense as a wedding, when I could invest in my future and have some stability first. I am so glad we did. And then we married about a year and a half later. It is all up to you, though. You are still young.
I totally understand your dilemma--we signed a contract to build our new home 2 days after the wedding. We had been weighing on this decision since April, so it was long overdue. Many, many times while we were planning, I would look at FI and say, "you know, if we didn't do x, y, or z for the wedding, we could have granite countertops?!" In the end, we did have to make small sacrifices in the new house to have the wedding, and I'm more than overjoyed to have done it that way. Our wedding day was more than I could have ever imagined, and being a 100% DIY bride, a complete labor of love! I think in the end I would have been disapointed had we tossed any particular part of our day--I think in the end, you have to ask yourself what you (and your family) would be happy to settle for. Luckily FI and I went into this marriage and wedding day knowing that we already have a place to live, and worst case scenario we would wait another year before signing a contract.
We bought our house and planned our wedding at the same time. Honestly? I feel that our wedding was a huge waste of money. We could have done something much nicer for us and much less expensive. PLUS, we have a car payment and student loans that could have been gone by now if we hadn't had that stupid party that just caused a bunch of stress and wasn't the greatest day of my life. If I had it to do over again things would have been much different. But my husband had a great time, so. Whatcha gonna do?
As another PP said, if I had been offered 10k for either a wedding or a house, you better believe I would have put a down payment on a house. Everyone's priorities are different though.
I just thought that i would clarify about the wedding spending... our wedding budget is within our means, but putting away a large sum of money for a down payment at the same time as planning a wedding isnt possible. We are living together now quite comfortably in our apartment and are ok with staying there until 2013 when we could afford a house after the wedding next year.
Is it crazy to have the wedding and then save up for 1 year and then buy a house? I keep telling myself that you only get married once....
I picked wedding only because you can make your dream of the perfect wedding come true for much less now a days with DIY projects and some creativity. My FI and I are having 70 guests and we are spending more on our honeymoon than our wedding. Once we get back we will start saving for a house and move from there :).
We bought a house together last year, and are getting married next year.
It's funny, I was complaining to my Mom about how expensive it is, and expected her to agree, but she totally encouraged us to spend the money. Her view is that she didn't get a wedding when she married my Dad (no money), and she sort of regrets not at least having a dinner with the few family members that were here in Canada (everyone else was overseas, no money to travel). Her point is that you only get married once (hopefully) and that it is a one time expense. She was not encouraging overspending, as we are within budget, but she didn't want us to regret it down the line.
Absolutely, if it is a matter of wedding or roof over your head, then save for the house. But if you can swing it, it may be worth it to you.
My whole thing is that I want to celebrate this occasion with our family and friends, and that because it WILL hopefully be only once, I want to make it a great party as well.
Good luck!
@teresa1083w: No scenario is "crazy", it depends on your priorities. A wedding only happens once, and you could take it to mean that you should spend on it; or just the opposite. I would not delay buying a house with my DH and build on our marriage and lives together for one day. So to me, the house clearly would come first. BUT I am very practical and want all my money to be spent on things that I actually get a use of. And I don't like parties all that much, or being the center of attention. So, to US, spending on a wedding made no sense. You have to do what you feel is important for you. In your case, you say you are both ok with waiting another year to buy a house and the wedding seems to be important, so go and enjoy it!
Well... we discussed the options, and decided wedding first. Which was a change of heart for me. I always told him I wanted to buy a house first, but I realized we'd never be able to save for a wedding and own a house... or at least it would take years to be able to afford it. Now, we have a plan in place and will own a home about 2-3 years after our wedding. We're happy with that.
But I understand where you're coming from. It's a difficult decision to make, but it was important to my fiance that we have our dream wedding. So we are. No regrets.
Thank you for your advice. I am going to just put these nasty little nagging thoughts out of my mind and enjoy the descision we have made together.
@Ms. Gremmlin
That was exactly our thought process. I know that once we own the home the wedding would always take the back burner. I think we would probably end up setting for something super small just because we couldnt afford it.
I had a very small wedding at a historic spot in the mountains. We invited exactly three people. I wore a fancy cocktail dress and a fur coat (it was January). My husband wore a suit he already owned and a very sentimental scarf from a friend in India. We had a HUGE party at an art gallery - everyone brought something and made a giant pastiche (a fancy word for collage). We spent less than $1000. And I still glow every time I look at the pictures. I wouldn't change a thing.
Personally I dont want to purchase a home with anyone until I am married. I think you should definitely scale back on your wedding and put more money towards purchasing a home. My FI and I set a specific budget that we were okay with and are continuing to save for a home in the process. We could definitely spend way more money on the wedding if we wanted to, but to us it's not worth it because we want to purchase a home.
As I have mentioned before my FI and I have absolutely no desire to own a home and it just doesn't fit in with our lifestyle and plan for the near future so no I would say in our case a wedding (and it is going to be a big one) isn't a waste of money.
I don't think there is any one right answer for this question because to some a large dream wedding is worth every single penny and to others they might prefer a home and eloping. Much like rings, dresses and everything else bridal...to each their own.
I said house but then at the same time we're doing it just like you, wedding then house. Since I work in real estate you would think that I would want us to get a house first but I just know it's not realistic right now. (We do own our place, but it's a very small condo) I just think waiting to buy a house makes more sense in the GTA, you're going to put the wedding on the backburner if you do the house first.
BTW, I love your venue. It's one we're considering now that our plans have changed again.
I said house.
I (we) were lucky enough to have a grandmother who left some pretty decent sized inheritances for her grandchildren. It was just enough for a downpayment on a small house. We never seriously considered using it for a wedding because it went against both of our values. It means so much more (to us) to have our own home. The wedding can come later.
im saying wedding im 21 and FI is 23 hes got a great job (using his degree) and im still at uni for another 2 years i think for us we see our wedding as a huge celebration of our love and also our love for and family and friends were having a huge wedding with about 230 guests to the seremony and 170 to the reception. our wedding is costing about 20k( honnymoon included) luckly his parents gave us 10k and we already have the other saved up
and once were marred we will start to save and once i finished my degree we will be earning much more and will be able to buy our home but also in australia the housing market is insane i mean 3 bedroom houses are like *350000- 650000 so we will be saving for a while !
but thats the fun part about being married ! i do feel how ever wew not just throwing money around we are doing things a cheaply as we can our reception in in a football club !! and were having wood fired pizzas !
You shouldn't feel guilty (and I sincerely hope others aren't making you feel that way) about something both you and your fiance mutually decided on. On a few occasions (generally when several vendor payments were due) I'd feel a little twinge about spending a rather large amount of money on 'just one day' but I think that's normal.
Have you considered renting a home to see what it's like first?
We are spending 12k on the wedding.
Divide that by the years we will be married (50 +) and it is $240 a year.
I think thats pretty absorbable :)
We do already own though so I probably shouldnt weigh in :P
I think that certain aspects of the wedding world that are marketed as "necessary" are a waste, but I wouldn't call the whole wedding a waste.
We had a 65-person wedding on a $10k budget and I would not change a single thing about it. My husband thought the whole thing was a waste the whole time and I will never forget him looking at me over the dinner table at our reception and telling me that he was so glad we did it. We have wonderful memories and photos of our wedding day and I wouldn't change that for the world.
Myself and my fiance already rent a small place together which we will continue living in and renting after the wedding. We've considered moving and renting somewhere else but as for actually buying a house? No. We can't really afford it plus we both like having the freedom option of when we get sick of a place to up and move somewhere else and the stability of if anything needs repairing etc then the landlord has to take care of it.
However, we're not spending a lot on our wedding, despite the fact we're having 2 ceremonies we're probably spending maybe less than half (on 2 weddings) of what most people consider normal for just 1 wedding.
I dunno, that's just how we are. We love each other and want to be married but we know money isn't everything and neither is a lavish party or huge house :)
I think it also comes down to a personal decision. I was just having a conversation with a girl who started working on her wedding, but they ended up getting married on a weekend trip in a very scenic place. It worked for them at the time... but she still wishes she had the big wedding. So much so, she's been debating having it after the fact (but then with kids, and life, etc - it's just not happening). It's been almost 3 years since her wedding and she keeps wondering 'what if' all the time and at every wedding.
This isn't to say that this is typical of brides that opt for eloping, etc - but you really should do some soul searching, if you decide on not going the wedding route, if that was what your initial gut was telling you (and then the money factor swayed you).
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Hi Bees,
I am having one of those days where i am feeling like having the big wedding (85ppl-seems big to me) is a waste of money. I was looking at how much my FI and i could qualify for to get a mortgage and if we didnt have the big wedding we would pretty much be close to buying our house if we put the wedding money into savings.
It is too late to change things now, but i am feeling a little irresponsible and guilty about letting myself get taken over by the commercial side of the wedding. In the grand scheme of things we are actually low on the budget side and low on the guest count, but i never envisioned the big wedding until i got engaged. All of a sudden i wanted my vera dress and i wanted the country club dinner and dancing. I dont know where these desires came from in me. I have never been one to dream about my wedding as a little girl, but now that i am a big girl i find i want to have my cake and eat it too. It isnt like we wont ever be able to buy a house it is just more the case of it will set us back 1 and 1/2 years. I suppose owning a home by the time i am 28 isnt such a bad thing, but i guess i am just in a hurry for us to have our lives "together".
Has anyone else had this experience? did you end up regretting spending the money on the wedding instead of buying the house?