Wedding is in 25 days, parents won't tell me who they want to invite

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wait, they haven’t sent invitations to these people yet? That’s ridiculous. You need to tell your parents that these people cannot be invited if you do not have names and addresses–ask him how he expects them to receive an invitation without those. Not to mention the fact that you have just over THREE WEEKS to the wedding! International mail can take a bit + their RSVPs…you won’t get those RSVPs back in time to get the numbers to the caterers.

Post # 4
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally would let it fall on their shoulders.  If you have invited who you wanted & they are pussyfooting around on the rest – oh well.  Sure, it would be nice to know who they are, but if your dad is paying I don’t know that it is necessary.  Who knows, they might not even do it!

Post # 5
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I hope things get resolved soon!

Post # 6
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ouch, that sucks.  You should send out the other invites ASAP, anyone you do have addresses for.  Does your caterer or venue have a cut off for final headcount?  Maybe use that to put some pressure on your parents.  Tell them that they can send out those invites by mail, hand, smoke signal if they want, but if you dont have RSVPs by X-date then those people cannot come.

Post # 7
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@vorpalette:  I agree. My caterer required a final count 2 weeks before. It took over a week for some to get their invites with postal delays. 

Post # 8
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@HourThyme:  OMG….. most people need to have their final numbers in by 2 weeks before…

tell your parents they need to deliver these asap. Lots of people might not be able to attend on like 2 weeks notice? If your dad is paying…then honey dont worry about it. I’m assuming you have an RSVP date on your rsvp’s? if so tell your parents their friends/family are going to think they are B-listed if they receive their invites a few days before they are due, or god forbid after they are due???Your parents are going to be the ones with egg on their face at that point. It will look really bad for them if they hand them out the day before you need them back lol… maybe tell them that!!

I had a similar situation with my IL’s asking for extras and my FIL didnt understand the concept… he was like cant you just change the date? im like NO its PRINTED ON THEM…..and NO I CANT JUST “PEN IT OUT”…. like wtf do our parents think sometimes. Needless to say my FIL insisted I give him in an invite for his friend (it was already 3 weeks AFTER the due date) ….they said yes…we even had drama over my FIL getting his wifes name and their last name for the place cards….and they didnt bother showing up….I have a feeling it may have been because they “knew” they werent originally invited.

If all else fails Give the caterer your parents number when he asks for the final count (from what you have), and then the caterer can tell your parents themselves “we need a number or else we’re only setting up for _____ amount, if more show up too bad” Maybe that will light a fire under their ass….as long as your not footing the bill for their missed guests DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!


Post # 10
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My FMIL is doing something similar… I keep asking for addresses, and she keeps adding more people without giving me any info. MAN, I am not having the entire Chinese Bible Study group (for what, a meeting?) at my wedding!

Sorry it’s so frustrating, OP!

Think of it this way: 25 days until this stress is all behind you! 🙂

Post # 12
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Any idea why they are being so secretive?  do you think they are trying to invite extra people?  If you don’t even know exactly who is being invited how can you do a seating chart or escort cards?

As a MOB, I’m dumbfounded on this one.  Is this stuff common practice for them?

Post # 13
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@HourThyme:  i can totally feel your stress. 

what is the rsvp date on your invites?  if your parents don’t hand them out soon, those late guests may feel like they were on the “B” list.  did you mention that too your parents?  i am sure that they would not want to make their friends feel like a second thought.

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