Post # 1
My wedding is in 25 days.
My dad is paying for everything which is beyond generous and amazing. It’s going be be a big beautiful wedding and I can’t wait.
Only problem is… (well not the only, but certainly the one that is pressing on me now) is that they won’t give me the addresses for the people they want to invite! My mom wants to just hand deliver the invitations (without telling me who…) and my dad wants to do something similar I guess? He’s given me a list of his friends but some of them are missing their wife’s name, most of them are missing the address. Im so frustrated. Invitations are JUST going out now because I wanted an extra month trying to get the addresses (fiance was similar, ah!).
At this point I just don’t even know what to do. My dad is paying so I can’t tell him that his friends arent invited if he wont tell me their address but how I can invite them?!?! Some of them are in another country so it’s not like he will see them right before, plus some need to make travel plans.
I’m so frustrated and was trying to calmly ask my mom if she will please tell me who she is inviting and she got mad and said that my stress makes her feel stressed. Um okay. I have a million things Im trying to balance. Im planning this all by myself but parents and FI’s philosophy is “let’s talk about it.”
We have 25 days. No more talking. We need to DO SOMETHING!
Post # 3
Wait, they haven’t sent invitations to these people yet? That’s ridiculous. You need to tell your parents that these people cannot be invited if you do not have names and addresses–ask him how he expects them to receive an invitation without those. Not to mention the fact that you have just over THREE WEEKS to the wedding! International mail can take a bit + their RSVPs…you won’t get those RSVPs back in time to get the numbers to the caterers.
Post # 4
I personally would let it fall on their shoulders. If you have invited who you wanted & they are pussyfooting around on the rest – oh well. Sure, it would be nice to know who they are, but if your dad is paying I don’t know that it is necessary. Who knows, they might not even do it!
Post # 5
I hope things get resolved soon!
Post # 6
Ouch, that sucks. You should send out the other invites ASAP, anyone you do have addresses for. Does your caterer or venue have a cut off for final headcount? Maybe use that to put some pressure on your parents. Tell them that they can send out those invites by mail, hand, smoke signal if they want, but if you dont have RSVPs by X-date then those people cannot come.
Post # 7
@vorpalette: I agree. My caterer required a final count 2 weeks before. It took over a week for some to get their invites with postal delays.
Post # 8
@HourThyme: OMG….. most people need to have their final numbers in by 2 weeks before…
tell your parents they need to deliver these asap. Lots of people might not be able to attend on like 2 weeks notice? If your dad is paying…then honey dont worry about it. I’m assuming you have an RSVP date on your rsvp’s? if so tell your parents their friends/family are going to think they are B-listed if they receive their invites a few days before they are due, or god forbid after they are due???Your parents are going to be the ones with egg on their face at that point. It will look really bad for them if they hand them out the day before you need them back lol… maybe tell them that!!
I had a similar situation with my IL’s asking for extras and my FIL didnt understand the concept… he was like cant you just change the date? im like NO its PRINTED ON THEM…..and NO I CANT JUST “PEN IT OUT”…. like wtf do our parents think sometimes. Needless to say my FIL insisted I give him in an invite for his friend (it was already 3 weeks AFTER the due date) ….they said yes…we even had drama over my FIL getting his wifes name and their last name for the place cards….and they didnt bother showing up….I have a feeling it may have been because they “knew” they werent originally invited.
If all else fails Give the caterer your parents number when he asks for the final count (from what you have), and then the caterer can tell your parents themselves “we need a number or else we’re only setting up for _____ amount, if more show up too bad” Maybe that will light a fire under their ass….as long as your not footing the bill for their missed guests DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!
Post # 9
@classical_wolf: Thank you for your simple but positive response, it helped me when I was in the middle of freaking out!
Post # 10
My FMIL is doing something similar… I keep asking for addresses, and she keeps adding more people without giving me any info. MAN, I am not having the entire Chinese Bible Study group (for what, a meeting?) at my wedding!
Sorry it’s so frustrating, OP!
Think of it this way: 25 days until this stress is all behind you! 🙂
Post # 11
Thanks girls! I told my dad that’s what I’m doing. Handing him his stack and he can do whatever he wants with them. My caterer is awesome and giving me until the week before to turn in a count. I may leave a table or two extra and already told my parents that anyone who gets added last minute will sit there regardless of who they are or what language they speak (multilingual wedding)
Post # 12
Any idea why they are being so secretive? do you think they are trying to invite extra people? If you don’t even know exactly who is being invited how can you do a seating chart or escort cards?
As a MOB, I’m dumbfounded on this one. Is this stuff common practice for them?
Post # 13
@HourThyme: i can totally feel your stress.
what is the rsvp date on your invites? if your parents don’t hand them out soon, those late guests may feel like they were on the “B” list. did you mention that too your parents? i am sure that they would not want to make their friends feel like a second thought.
Post # 14
@HourThyme: You’re welcome 🙂
Post # 15
In Mexico, from my understanding, invitations are a formality. Basically you let people know by word of mouth and then the whole village comes.
No Place settings
No head count
No Way I’m doing this. I CANNOT have just rando people come and not have a place setting for them. I was clear that we are inviting just the people on the invitations –not their kids, friends, or neighbors. For the Spanish ones I might include an extra card that says “2 places are reserved in your honor. Given the time constraints, please call or email to RSVP”
Post # 16
I just handed the invitations to m parents and told them to deal with it. I also told them they are in charge of seating their guests. this is what I know though, my friends will have priority seating bc I am not having a sh*tload of empty tables near the front from my parents guests who are invited last minute and cant attend.