Post # 1
Fiance and I were better of financially when we started paying for this wedding. Now I
m maxed out and scraping the bottom of the barrel. Everthings pretty much paid for in full at this point, everyone keeps telling me how excited they are- but Im not. I feel depressed and anxious.
I am struggling big time right now. I’m stressed out at work, the wedding planning is stressing me out, the guests are stressing me out, my Fiance is stressing me out. My parents have helped us out tremendously (they probably paid for half of it) with the wedding expenses, and I feel super guilty about this. Fiance is in school and was working PT, but he was so unhappy and stressed out at work he asked me if he could quit. I didn’t want him to be miserable, so I said ok, but that he should probably cancel the cable so we dont get to behind in the bills, and if he
s not working Id like him to help a lot more around the house. Well, we still have cable and everytime I bring it up he says he keeps forgetting (which is dumb, if he’s home, he’s watching tv- shouldn’t that remind him??) I
m off today, so I just called and downgraded our cable by $100 a month. Next I have to clean this disaster of a house... hes been putting the laundry though but leaving it for me to fold- thats his extra contribution.
Work is making me bitter and grumpy-
The office manager at work strung me along for 3 months and then shafted me on a raise, and is now trying to get us to do (basically forcing us to so) some borderline unethical stuff to make them more money. Their just aren`t any openings anywhere else for me right now.
We have just enough in our savings account to cover what I haven
t cut from the wedding- no more musicians at cocktail hour, no more photo booth, no more makeup artist. I have just enough left to cover the DIY seating chart, pay the ceremony musician and get my hair done. Im not upset at having to sacrifice these things- the wedding is going to be beautiful without them. If i were attending as a guest I`d think it was perfect. I just feel like I dont deserve any of it. I dont know whats wrong with me.
Post # 3
Girl there is nothing wrong with you! Of course you are stressed with all that going on. I know you said you talked to Fiance before, but maybe it’s time for another chat? Let him know that you aren’t his mom, and if he isn’t working then you need other contributions from him. Sit together and make a list for splitting things up. Tell him how stressed out you are feeling and that this bit of help from him would improve things. Hopefully he’ll get the message!
Post # 4
Oh punkin, it’s times like this I tell myself something my grandfather, who is 92 and amazing by the way, says…please commit this to memory and repeat:
“We didn’t come here to save money or loose weight.”
I think that sums it up, life isn’t fun unless your doing at least three things that make you feel a little guilty…your problem is you aren’t misbehaving enough..forget the house cleaning, forget the bills, get yourself some cheap wine, chocoloate covered strawberries and start the weekend with a wine fueled, chocolate complimented hunky movie bender…you’ve earned it!
Post # 5
Nona99 You might just be my fav Bee on the site. Your comments always make me smile and your one to the OP is something I needed to hear today!
OP I’ve been exactly where you are and even now feel like maybe I made this wedding too much, too much time spent on it, money, stress and it’s left me feeling a bit heavy hearted about the whole event. Now it’s next week I do feel better about it even thought there are STILL things I need to pay for (ughhhh It just goes on and on and on!)- and we cut back on a hellva lot too. Someone made our cake, someone else is DJ, someone else is doing my make up, I’m doing my own hair.
BUT! When all said and done, Nona is right, if you weren’t doing this and were putting the money away and everything was done by the rules. Would you actually be any happier? You and I wanted our weddings, we wanted this day, otherwise we’d have never started the journey. What’s done is done now, finish off what you can and let the rest go and I promise you, when it comes to a week to go, excitement will override every negative feeling you have.
Post # 6
Thanks bee`s 🙂
@Nona99: omg that made me laugh!
I have boxes full of chocolate and wine here (all for the wedding, of course.) I got into the chocolates last night and woke up with a full on guilt trip. This week has been by far the worst for stress and exhaustion. I work 12 hour shifts and i’ve gone straight to bed as soon as i got home almost every night, waking up with only enough time to shower and get dressed. I haven;t done my hair or makeup in a week. One of the guys at work keeps asking if i’m sick. I keep thinking we shoudv’e eloped!!
Post # 7
@Soon2BeeMrsG: You just made my day! Now off with the both of you, for fun, relaxation and zero stress…it causes wrinkles you know?
Post # 8
Nona99 I leave work in 20 mins and I will- as per your instruction, pick up wine, choc and something delicious for dinner and do so all with a trashy romcom. A good old night in with ME!
You talk too much sense for that not to be right!
Post # 9
Thank you for some much needed perspective, I gotta stop letting myself get into this funk! I guess it’s easier to slip towards the darkness than head towards the light.
Maybe I’ll go post some of my wedding dress pics with my hair and makeup trail from this past weekend and see if I feel a bit better.
Post # 10
@Nona99: This is great. I am going to use it.
Post # 11
Look to the future as you sip the wine, better days will come. Look for other work, and once your Fiance and you are a bit better off (as in he finishes school and starts making money) you can send your parents on vacation as thanks for helping with the wedding, or something like that. Sucky things don’t suck forever, we all went through tough times at one point or another. Everything will be OK in the end, if it’s not OK it’s not the end.
Post # 12
I agree, wine, chocolate, trashy romcoms, that pretty much saves everything!!
Try Cupcake Red Velvet wine. About $12 at the grocery store and actually tastes like red velvet, but not super sweet. I could drink a gallon of it on the right day, haha.
I agree that you need to be more specific about your FI’s chores. Also, consider dumping cable altogether and get a Roku. We did and saved about $130 a month. We just pay for Hulu and Netflix monthly (7.99 each). When Mad Men is on, we pay 2.99 an episode to watch the current episodes as soon as they come out on Amazon Video. That’s the only show we really like to watch right away, so it works for us.
Also, ask your Fiance to sign up for focus groups in the area. I just got a $175 Visa gift card from one where I just had to talk about batteries for an hour. That’s two trips to the grocery store for us! It really adds up.