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I totally agree with the advice your friend and your dad gave you. And I really like what your dad said about marriage being a formality. I already feel married to my fiance. The wedding is just a day to show our family and friends we are ready.
Only advice I've gotten so far is to not stress about the details!
My grandmother had a very simple wedding in her brother's house, and whenever I stress about how we're going to be able to afford this, she always says,
"In the end, all that matters is that you're married. People who go to the courthouse are just as married as people who have huge weddings. Do whatever you want, as long as you're ready"
That makes me feel so much better. Everyone else in the family frowns every time I joke about eloping to Vegas. But her opinion is really the most important one to me!
It is great advice. It is hard to remember that though. Especially for us girls who have our dream wedding planned from a really young age:) This was a great posting for me. We aren't goin gto get to ahve a wedding because of medical costs so I have been having a really hard time with that. I am still really sad don't get me wrong, but this helps to remind us a wedding doesn't equal a succesfull marriage:)
Congrats and hope your marriage is blessed:)
@ACountryCowgirl - *hugs* I agree...it's been an advice I keep having to retell myself, sometimes multiple times in one day! I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but you are absolutely right. "wedding" does not equal a successful marriage and neither does it foretell the strength of the love and marriage. I don't know the situation, but sending you good thoughts and pray that your marriage is blessed as well! My best to you and your FI!
i would go beyond that and say that your committment to each other is what's important. some people aren't granted the privledge of marriage, but it does not make them any less committed than someone who's been married for, say, 20 years. i have my philosophy on marriage and as committed as my FI and i are to each other, unfortunately, we live in a state that doesn't recognize partnerships. and, yes, i like to think of us as equal partners. so, in spite of the many years that we've spent together as a committed couple, we have built up a lifestyle that may damage us if we don't have that "piece of paper." so, as unromantic as it may seem, we are (finally) getting married for all of the privledges that married couples are granted, which, unfortunately are not granted to ALL human beings. and, while we're at it, i figured i may as well have fun planning it.
While I do agree with the statement in that the marriage is the most important thing, I do believe the wedding SHOULD be about you and your FI, about your public committment to each other and it should symbolize the first step in your marriage together. I hate when people step in and ruin that experience for you, though, be it parents or other people. They shouldn't rain on your parade, and you shouldn't lose sight of the big picture.
I like what ladybuglove said, in that it's the committment that matters b/c not everyone is allowed the privilege of marriage. And in some countries, marriage is forced and not a choice based on love.
@ladybug - GREAT point! The word "marriage" is often synonymously used with ultimate commitment and vice versa...and I agree that is not always the case. Sadly, the marriage part is not [yet] possible for certain people. Thank you for voicing it. And, I wish you continued blessing on your commitment, hope it continues to blossom and indeed, have a great time planning your wedding!
@ejs - yes, yes, of course! My friend and my dad were just trying to put perspective to the union and so far, so good in terms of wedding planning. No one's rained on my parade yet. :)
I agree a good wedding does not ensure a happy/long marriage. There have been several things that have come up during my planning that have made me all the more sure that my FI & are perfectly suited for one another. The actual wedding is important to me as I have day dreamed about it for so long but ultimately knowing my FI & I are happy with the choices we are making together for our life is most important to me.
I love this post and agree with it very much.
My mom and my FMIL both married our dads by eloping (and they are both still married!!) and so I think they are really enjoying the process of helping us with our wedding as well as showing us 2 great examples of a good marriage.
Oh, good! I get upset when parents get all, "we're paying, it's what we want for you and you have no say!" basically.
But yeah you're dad's right, it's the ultimate union that counts. This is why my dad gave me so much crap about spending money on a wedding this year. "either way, you're married, so why does it matter? One way you waste money, one way you save money". Yup, that's my dad, the practicalist.
It is great to see all the advice on this subject. I think it is soooo interesting to see things from so many different kinds of peoples back grounds. I do agree that a wedding is REALLY important and should be about the couple and a celebration of their day:) I just hope everyone on heres day is super super blessed and their marriages stay strong and forever:)
Oh and thank you carri38707 for the kind words, that means a lot. It helps when you get a little down:) You are soooooo very sweet.
I agree! How I took that advice is that you see shows like Bridezillas, ick and actually there are some ladies out there that do act like that and focus soley on the day and forget about what it is all about. You can have the grandest, Donald Trump wedding out ther but what is it worth if you dont have the love, respect, commiment and bond with your future spouse to actually uphold you vows?
This post is awesome. Having been married before, I can say that in the end, the fact that we had a beautiful wedding wasn't enough to keep us together.
FI and I have a saying now "Not just for forever, but for No Matter What." It means, as others have mentioned, total commitment. To each other, to yourself, to being ready to fight for your relationship, should the need ever arise.
@Karma - "Not just forever, but for no matter what" - those are also great words! Thanks for sharing~ :)
@Missgreen - wouldn't it just be great and perfect if those us who have love, respect, commitment and bond can also have the Donald Trump wedding? LOL. :D - on a serious note, Donald Trump style wedding isn't for me, but as the planning pursues, I do wish we had a little bigger budget...
But in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad we can't just go and buy everything - this makes us grow even deeper as a couple helping us to prioritize things together!
What a wonderful sentiment. I wholeheartedly agree.
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When my FI and I announced our engagement, a [wise] married friend wrote me: "Remember, wedding is not about you, but the marriage is." My father also told me that the wedding is a formality, but what is most important in marriage is how ready are our hearts and mind.
I'm really trying to remember this as I plan the wedding and face different small and large issues that are bound to come up during wedding planning.
What are some good advices you received? Please share them!