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I'm sorry to hear that. Would you maybe consider a small wedding/elopement and then a big reception later?
This is a hard thing to go through but it sounds like you have a FI who loves you and really wants to marry you...that's what really matters the most!
You say you refuse to get married without the big wedding. I would only do this if it was feasible to save up your money within a set time frame. If you are putting it off indefinitely, you might consider either a romantic courthouse wedding or a DIY in a park (they are generally inexpensive), and then have your reception at a restaurant, and specify to people that their bill is their responsiblity. If you could swing it, you could take care of the drinks or apps or something. Maybe it isn't what you pictured, but getting married is not just about the wedding. I had some friends who did this because they couldn't afford more and they had a blast and loved it. If people care about the two of you, they will support you no matter how much money you are spending.
That said, sorry you are going through this and I hope you find a solution you can be happy with!
I'm sorry to hear about the situation. My opinion, just because you can't afford a wedding now, there is no reason not to engange (for him not to propose). You can still have a long engagement and put away some money whenever you can. When you have enough, you can always plan a wedding then.
I hope things get better for you soon.
thanks everybody.
@cutexkitty: problem with waiting is we want to move out of state and into a city which will make a wedding even more expensive/ complicated because of being away from everyone and everything we know. Plus getting married in Baltimore I'm sure isn't nearly as cheap as PA. I really think our best bet would be to stay engaged permanently at least theres a little commitment there =).
I wrote out a whole list of ways to help you save so that you can have your big day as soon as possible and then the site went down for maintenance! Let me try to remember: (all these are subject to change based on your habits)
-save 5-10$ per week each
-start collecting your change
-collect cans and turn them in for money
-sell old books/dvds/etc
-every other date night, stay in and have game night or something rather than going out
-dye your own hair/find somewhere cheaper to get haircuts/at home manis and pedis/pluch your own eye brows
-jack and jill party (i heard about those on this website)
-give up/cut back on a vice (drinking/smoking), when you DO do this, put a dollar in a jar.. also, put away any money saved by quitting/cutting back
-have a garage sale
-as you see wedding things on sale, buy them to spread out the expenses
-carry as little cash with you as possible at all times, so you're not tempted to spend it
-once or twice a week have cheapo dinners like Ramen or campbell's soup
-you can think of tons of creative ways to save money!
** The most important part: as soon as the money is saved, put it straight into a savings account that you never touch, this way it increases from interest.. NEVER take the money out for anything but the wedding!
i hope this helps!!! :)
Maybe you could scale down the wedding to make it more affordable? Or have you asked your parents to see if any of them had any funds set aside for a wedding?
I agree with Kingtobe, there are tons of tiny ways to save small chunks of money. I stopped eating out/going out/excessive shopping and only browned bagged my lunch for a bit over 6 months and saved nearly $5,000.
Instead of calling off the wedding ceremony, why don't you just push it back for a longer period. Maybe if a year isn't going to make a difference, how about 2 or 3 or 5 years? You're already thinking about being engaged permanently, so why not have a wedding when it's super convienent for both of you?
You could also come back to PA just for the wedding, even if you live in Baltimore.
Either way, good luck and I hope everything works out eventually because I'd hate to see you give up on something you want so badly. :(
There is nothing wrong with waiting until you can have everything you want. I have gone through something similar and I regret it! Don't half-ass anything that is important to you-not for anyone! Whether it is waiting or going ahead and doing something sooner, I wish you all the best :)
To me a MARRIAGE is more important than a WEDDING. I hope you can save up a little to have something nice. If not then why not do something small and have only the most important people. You don't have to give up the dream to have an inexpensive wedding. I think I am one of the cheapest bees on here ^_^ Well, maybe not!
I understand that a wedding is important to you, but do you really want to give up a life-time marriage because you weren't in the financial position to have one day dream wedding? I went to a really intimate wedding once where the couple was married in their home by local minister and they had wine, appetizers and cake afterwards. It was awesome because all of their really close family and friends were in attendance but at the same time probably cost less than $1000 for everything.
Look, my best friend rented a state park facility on the lake for a few hundred bucks. Her dress was a white prom dress purchased at Name Brand Clothing for 100 bucks. Dinner was several 6-foot Subway subs, and she made the cake herself. The centerpieces were wheatgrass she grew herself, the tablecloths were plastic and the plates were paper. Wine came from a box, hair and makeup were done by family, and bouquets were picked from the garden. The whole thing probably didn't cost more than $600.
Despite all this, everyone still had a really good time. Because she took some time to research everything and plan it out, it still looked cute even though it was very inexpensive. The guests still had dinner, drinks, cake and favors, so they were well taken care of.
Might keep that in mind. You don't need a lot of money to have a good time. And your marriage shouldn't be at the mercy of your wedding, IMO. If you really want to marry this man....then you should marry this man.
I would encourage you not to give up. You don't have to even have a $5k wedding, but you can have a nice wedding.
Do you have friends/family with a house with a backyard that they would let you use? (Free) You could get food platters from your local Costco, or even just do a cake and punch reception, or a BBQ, or even a picnic reception.
If having a wedding is important to you, you can find a way to make it work. If you know that you guys can come up with, say, $500- $1000 use that as your starting point and work from there.
I know it seems hopeless right now, but where there is a will there is a way!
The marriage is more important than the wedding. If you want to spend the rest of your life with your SO, then make it happen. It might not be the "dream" wedding you are currently planning on, but it will be wonderful and special. Good luck!
@Shiner: please don't do this. i don't think you can invite people to an event and then tell them to pay for their own meals. just downsize or not have a meal.
You could do what some couples have started doing the past decade or so...
Do a small wedding/courthouse/elope first. Then for your 1st or 5th or even 10th anniversary, renew your vows and have the big bridal bash you've always hoped for. You'll have way more time to plan and save for your big party, so it won't be nearly as stressful. But you'll still already get to enjoy being married. Nothing saying you can't be a bride once you're already married! Just an idea to consider. I find the idea extremely romantic, if you ask me. :)
Good luck, and I do hope you can get things worked out some way or another, whatever route you choose.
I am in the same shoes so I know how you feel. We are trying to plan a wedding on a 13,000 budget, which is mostly tax money. But $5,000 of that which we thought was going to be helped with, we no longer believe is possible. I also had the 9/10/11 wedding date, which we moved back. (tho that was due to wanting to have a second child, which turned out to take much longer than planned)
I am not yet at the point of calling it quits but it is looking more and more likely. I am planning all of the little details and avoiding the big ones bc I just dont know where the rest of the money will come from and Im afraid to start booking. I feel your pain and I am so very sorry. I also understand wanting to hold off for a bigger wedding dispite the nice things everyone says about small ones..*hugs*
I'm confused... so you're not engaged? Why is he holding the ring hostage and questioning whether or not you want to marry him?
I can understand not wanting to compromise you dreams. However, when looking back on my life I think i would be more upset to look back on a lifetime of no marriage than just one day of scaled down dreams.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You may be happier with the scaled back wedding than you think though.
Honestly, at our rehearsal dinner, I leaned over to my fiance (now husband) and was like, I would have been completely happy if THIS had been our wedding. We rehearsed the ceremony at our venue, and then followed it up with dinner with our immediate families, and bridal parties.
@HappilyEverAfter54: you dont have to spend 5000 grand to have an amazing wedding. Im spending 2500 and my wedding is going to be fabulous. we are cutting out the DJ, actual FOOD FOOD< and having appetizers> and no liqour. you can make it happen with a lot of DIYing too...I am doing EVERYTHING myself except the cake and bouquets...even buying bulk flowers and making my own invites. best wishes.. youll figure something else out. But honestly, most people that spend alot of money on there wedding end up wishing they would of eloped anyway...spend the money on your honeymoon...the wedding is about YOU AND HIM...not everyone else...
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Beekeeper
Today I finally got the courage up to tell my guy and myself that we just can't afford to get married. There is absolutely no way we can get a hold of $5,000 in these next 7 months and things we need like our awesome venue are slipping away because we don't even have $250 extra this month to lock in our date. This was very hard for me to suggest to my guy and it was very hard for me to keep an adult attitude about it since for the past 2 weeks I've been living eating breathing wedding plans trying to make this work and having nothing but hope and faith. He then says to me he thinks I don't even want to marry him that badly and thinks we can make it work... There is no way it could cause if it could I would have found it. Even if we push it back a year we still won't magically have more money. Personally I refuse to get married without the whole wedding deal I just don't want to look back and know I missed out so that won't happen no civil ceremony for me I just couldn't handle that. So I suggest just staying engaged and even though weve been hardcore wedding planning he has the ring but was waiting for a good time to propose (which now I doubt will ever come). Today has made the top 10 worst days ever list with this bad news and family news and about 10 other things that went wrong. I guess Its just time for me to stop dreaming and start living. I hope he still proposes (a life together but not a marriage). =(