(Closed) Wedding jealousy? FI's brother going to propose after we got engaged

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@soon-to-be:  yup, it’s a crazy moment. So vent here, but please don’t take action on your feelings.

Honestly, I never understand why young women of eminately marriageable age think that they are the only one in that status. We reall ly ARE in a Jane Austen novel, haha! There’s a 5 years span where everyone is getting married and if you have a lot of cousins, siblngs, and friends, you’ll find yourself at a lot of weddings.

Further down the road will come babies and you’ll find many people pregnant at the same time you are (assuming kinds are in your future.)

Relax. There are a lot of humans on the planetdoing exactly the same thing you are.

YOU are unique, but your actions like engagement and wedding are part of the human play of life. 

Post # 4
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

…can someone tell me where this “spotlight” is, I’ve never seen it.

This is not only completely crazy, it’s terribly unbecoming to be jealous and assume that someone resents you and your FI SO MUCH, that they will actually base life altering decisions on their potential to upset you….?

The good news is you are in the right place to let this out, vent as much as you need to and remember that while it feels so important now, the wedding is really just an instrument to your future together…people won’t recall or even care who got engaged or married right before or after you…it’s your lives together that’s important and exciting, your building the framework for your lives!  Be excited!

Post # 5
Member
3699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

She’s going to be family, get used to it.

Just keep your plans to yourself if you’re worried about that kind of stuff.  You can always come up with an answer to brush them off.  “Oh I haven’t thought about that yet.”  Or “Oh I’ve been so busy we haven’t decided.”  “I’m keeping that a surprise from everyone!” 

My husband’s brother got married two weeks before us and it didn’t bother me.  We didn’t really talk about weddings and ours were very different. 

Post # 6
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My advice is to get over it. What is this spotlight you speak of?

Your “day of attention” is your wedding day. Not the week of. Not the month of; most definitely not the year of or the time leading up to it.

You should get a handle on your feelings because like other Bees said, you’re going to be sharing the same time frame of life changes as a lot of people.

Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Nona99:  The spotlight comes from the wand of the wedding fairy.  She rides a neon Pegasus.  Didn’t you know this is where wedding glow comes from?  What did they teach you in school, woman?

 

I’d be more concerned about your FBIL marrying a weirdo than I would about them stealing your spotlight.  Whatever his reasons for proposing, you have no reason to take it personally.

Post # 8
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@abirdword:  OMG… ROFL.

@Nona99:  The spotlight comes from the wand of the wedding fairy.  She rides a neon Pegasus.  Didn’t you know this is where wedding glow comes from?  What did they teach you in school, woman?”

Post # 10
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  Great reply. Ditto. 

Yea, where the he** is this spotlight you gals speak of?!!?!??! I want one of my own dammit!

Post # 12
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@soon-to-be:  You are getting advice.  People are telling you it’s not worth getting upset over. Sometimes we get ugly feelings we can’t shake, but they’re not rational or reasonable, and that’s part of being human.  But when they’re unreasonable, sometimes we need that pointed out to us.

Post # 13
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@soon-to-be:  we gave you advice that you were looking for. most of us are telling you to get used to this woman now permanantly being in your life; hence our advice is to park those feelings in a box and get used to it. its not healthy for you to be stressing about “them getting more attention.” If you live life like a competition; you’re going to be miserable.

Post # 14
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Are you happy to be getting married? Do you love your FI? Do you love your new house? The joy you get from your life should not be contingent on the amount of attention you get from other people.

Post # 15
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

The best advice is to get over it. You are being irrational and working yourself up over nothing. It would be bad advice for us to offer any advice that validated your feelings. Focus on your relationship instead of other people’s.

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