Post # 1
I’m a newbee here hoping to gain some advice on where I should have my wedding. My FI and I got engaged this past May after we graduated from college and moved across the country from Connecticut to Arizona shortly after when he received a job offer.
Since moving here I’ve been stumped on whether or not I should have my wedding in AZ, close to us, or in CT where both of our entire families live. All of our immediate family seem okay with either option but we know that a lot of the rest of our family and friends would likely not be able to afford the trip and might be heartbroken if they can’t make it.
It’s kind of big deal because we can’t really pick a date until we decide since the weather varies so much between the two states and I’d love to have an outdoor wedding. We are also paying for the wedding on our own with little help from our families. We are young, just graduated college and living on our own so I am a bit worried about budget.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling! Here’s a pros and cons list for each side to better visualize:
- Closer to us, so a lot easier to plan
- Cheaper since there will be less guests and no traveling on our part
- Beautiful weather, hardly rains
- Inconvience to family and some may not be able to make it
- High cost to my family (FI family is financially sound, mine not so much)
- Less help financially from the family due to their travel costs
- Not very familiar with the area since we just moved here
- More convienient to family as we’re the only ones who have to travel
- Familiar with the area, venues, photographers, etc.
- Family might be able to help out financially a little more
- More expensive (due to more guests, traveling and CT being more expensive in general)
- A lot of traveling on our part, multiple trips to CT for planning
- Planning a wedding out of state
- Weather is more unpredictable
What do you think? Are there any others out there who have had to make a similar choice? I’m stumped!
Thank you in advance,
Post # 3
@LovelyLee: I think you are being verykind taking into consideration your family’s needs and limitations. However, from a selfish standpoint, the idea of getting married where you are making a HOME and where it is cheaper to boot sounds great!
I vote for an AZ wedding.
Post # 4
@LovelyLee: Ha, we have a reverse situation. FI and I live in CT and our families live in MD and VA. We opted to have the wedding in VA because no one lives even a little close to us, and we wanted to make it easier for our families and friends to attend. Also, it’s cheaper for us to have the wedding in VA than in CT is (weddings here seem a little more pricey!). We really haven’t had to make that many trips down yet (only 1 to scope out venues), so it hasn’t been too bad yet.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d probably choose Connecticut.
Post # 6
If it’s important that more of your friends and family come, have it close to them. We got married in my hometown, which is a 2 hour drive from where we currently live and only 40 minutes from his parents. Not ideal for us, but made it easy for our families.
Post # 7
We had the same issue! We decided to get married near our families. It didn’t feel fair for us to make them travel for our convienence, and we did ALL of our wedding planning in 3 trips!
So that wasn’t a problem.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
@LovelyLee: If having the wedding in AZ is most important to you, you should totally go for it, as long as you won’t be offended by people don’t come. We were on the guest list side of your scenario last year. Bride & groom moved far away and chose to have their wedding there. I don’t mind that they chose to do that at all & it made sense to me. As a bride it’s easier to plan a wedding closer to where you live. This bride however was super disappointed to find that most of their invited guests did not come. We wanted to go, but ultimately decided we couldn’t really afford to take the trip (we aren’t even close to the bride or groom. The bride is the sister of FI’s friend.) A few of our friends also declined the invitation. Unfortunately, the bride & her family are still angry about it to this day. There have been more than a few rude comments made about all the people who didn’t go.
So if you won’t be offended by people who can’t make it, go for it! The people you are closest to will likely do whatever it takes to get there.
Post # 9
It really depends on how important it is to you to have your family and friends there, versus having a less expensive wedding. If it were me, I would have it where you currently live. It will be WAY easier on you and you will have your immediate family, the most important people (presumably) there. My husband and I faced a similar decision. We had our wedding near his family because his father and grandmother (whom he is very close to) are both disabled and can’t travel at all. Otherwise we would have had in where we live. It was hard planning a wedding across the country.
Post # 10
@LovelyLee: We went through the same thing for picking where we wanted to get married(We moved down to Florida for school/work but all of our family is up in Michigan) After talking and going over things, we decided on Michigan. Yes it makes things a little harder for planning(I have only been up there once since getting engaged to go to places and will not be back up till May next year) but my sister, father, and FMIL have been wonderful and checking out places for us and everything. Plus we met a few people(officiants, dj, etc) over skype.
You made a great list but now you just gotta figure out what you and your FI feels is the best for it all and what is the most important to you.
Post # 11
@ImmaBee: Weddings in CT definitely are a little more pricier than other states. Well, CT in general is pretty expensive. I can see why you opted to have it in VA! That is definitely something I’m keeping in mind while making my decision.
Post # 12
@BrandNewBride: Only three trips? That’s not too bad! I do really feel like I’m being a big inconvience to our families if we have it here in AZ. There’s like 100 of them and only 2 of us so it seems more logical for us to be traveling to them but thinking about the expenses also makes me think otherwise…
Post # 13
@KDOS: Thank you for sharing your guest side experience with it! I made sure to ask everyone I absolutely had to have there if they would be able to afford to make it if we had it in AZ and haven’t had anyone said no (but some definitely preferred to have it in CT).
I do think it is unfair of the bride to expect absolutely everyone to come and be mad if they don’t. It’s a lot of time, money and energy for people to be able to make it to a wedding out of state. So if I did choose the AZ path I would definitely not be offended if people couldn’t make it. Heck, if I were in that situation I probably wouldn’t go unless it was a close family member getting married!
Post # 14
You’re going to spend a few years probably making trips back and forth to CT to see your families, spend holidays with them, other family functions, this may be one of the few times they would have to come to YOU. I had this mentality when I chose where I was rather than where I was from (MD vs MA, so closer) and I can’t imagine planning a wedding in a place where I didn’t live becaue you have so much to do in person.
Post # 15
What about a small wedding in each place? Or your wedding in AZ and a party/reception in CT?
Post # 16
@caritas: I would be very worried about planning a wedding across the country if I had it in CT. My FMIL was very kind in offering to take care of all the planning and such if I were to have it there but I honestly would feel better if I did the planning. I’m a bit of a control freak lol!