Post # 1
Hello Lady Bees! I’m back with a rather disappointing update. After a really bad argument on Friday, my fiancee and I decided to put our wedding on hold and I did not go to my dress appt on Saturday.
I pride myself on being extremely communicative because “a closed mouth dont get fed!”– I like to hash out issues and have real, open and honest dialogue in order to mitigate future problems. I am opinionated and I speak my mind when it directly affects me but I have also heard I am a good listener. I thought our communication was great UNTIL I was told I was a BULLY and I am too aggressive!!!! I was really shocked, hurt and offended by this. I am constantly checking in to make sure everything is on the up and up, making sure FI is satisfied and I was always reassured everything was FAN-FUCKIN-TASTIC! She is super laid back, doesnt like drama or even being confrontational and gets frustrated VERY easily. While I, on the other hand, believe in facing challenges head on and have no problems expressing myself FULLY to ensure there is no room for misinterpretation. I had no idea all this was going on in her head and heart and I feel as if we have to start learning one another all over again or rather I have to learn her all over again because I am the same person thru and thru.
FI says wedding is a definite for sure because the one she knows is that marrying me is a MUST and we will not let 2014 pass us by without getting married (original date was 4.12.2014). But right now I feel so unsure, insecure and very sad that all this planning is coming to a screeching halt. My feelings are also extremely hurt because daily I hear FI say how I am the best thing since sliced bread but if I was/am, why wasnt honesty, which is the ONE THING I asked for, something she was able to give? I have always said I am not a mind reader so don’t expect me to be. Instead be honest with me, no matter how much it hurts cause I would rather the truth any day. *SIGH* Finding all of this out now has really thrown me for a loop and I don’t know what to do in order to move forward.
Sad CC with no future wedding plans
Post # 3
I’m so sorry, hon. My FI and I are the same way, although his communication style of of ignoring problems and shying away from confrontation is more from his ex screaming about everything (though partially because he’s one of those people that wants everyone to be happy and would rather bottle things up). I am aggressive, I know that. I do try to reign it in a little, but it’s hard–we’re dealing with this lately, actually.
What really helped the both of us was for me to remember to bring up things calmly. That can be hard for me, but I have to try to keep my voice quieter (um…normal people indoor voice) and not get worked up about things, which in turn makes him feel more comfortable to talk about things. This was probably the most difficult thing in our relationship.
I definitely know how you’re feeling. <3
Post # 4
@CocoClassic: try not to be too sad, you have simply delayed it probably by a few months:) you said your fiancee is a
she…well I know what I can get like sometimes & could it be that she was just having a bad week? sometimes we get a bit frazzled & blow things out of proportion..maybe try couples councilling…sometimes people do it before getting married even if they DONT have any issues…the worst thing you can do is give in to the feelings of insecurity as that will make you really clingy and can push people away…good luck!
Post # 5
@vorpalette: I couldnt have described my FI any better than how you just described yours. She is definitely the hopping and skipping down the path while smiling all along kinda woman. She doesnt like conflict and has dealt with her share of drama which is why she is so laid back now. The part that hurts the most for me is not knowing especially when asking repeatedly and then being blind-sided and accused of being what I consider a really shitty person. I dont need sugar coating – I need honesty.
Right now I just feel sad and defeated. Our relationship isnt based on the wedding but I am having a hard time seeing where we will pick this up and if I will be bitter about it later on. I have to contact people we have appointments with the cancel them which is embarrassing as hell. I’m just overall sad today and trying my best to get thru this without crying (which I havent done). It is not the end of the world by any means BUT my heart still hurts cause of all I didnt know that I feel I should have…
Post # 6
@lifegirl: not only is she a woman but indecisive as all hell so trying to nail her down to make a decision is a serious challenge. We started couples counseling but stopped once I found a new jobs and things have been up and down since then. I am just looking for things to be on the up and up. I dont need 100% upswing but I do need consistency and stability.
I know it will all be ok eventually its just right now – at this moment – my feelings are hurt.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’m sorry. I wish you good luck!