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FI and I have been renting a condo together for about six years now. I HATE condo/apartment renting and I don't want to have kids until we are in a place where we can't hear anyones blender as we walk down the hall! Recently, I've really been on a house kick (browsing hours online, visiting open houses, etc.) I've realized that if we didn't have a real wedding we could save $10,000 and put that toward our downpayment. We are paying for the wedding completely on our own, so by putting money one place, we can't put it in another. We need to save another $45,000 or so to have a traditional downpayment.... not having the wedding with save us 10K, and his parents are giving us 10k as a wedding gift...that puts us 20K closer!!
Would you forsake a wedding (or at least a traditional one) and get into a house faster? Or would you have the wedding and wait a bit longer?
Yes. We wanted to get married ASAP but are waiting to buy our house first. A great offer came up to buy a house for alot less than we ever thought we’d get it for.
We used our wedding fund to complete our down payment. Sometimes it really sucks. I go through should we just JP it or save up and have a wedding in 18 months...
I'm happy that we had our wedding and don't regret it, but sometimes I look around our condo that we own but can't sell and wish we had the extra money to put down for a down payment on a house (so we could buy one without selling the condo) or to pay off student loans or to do a bunch of other more fiscally responsible things.
We bought a house after getting engaged and waited to plan the wedding. It's worked out great so far.
and his parents are giving us 10k as a wedding gift
my only concern is when his folks gifted you the $10K did they have a expectation on it being spent for a wedding?
i would happily forgo a wedding for a house but i wouldnt expect the same from everyone else, i guess it depends on what level your priorities and wants are
I wish we could even think about buying a house... we will be moving so much because of the military so it doesn't make sense to buy =(
I would chose a house over a wedding, but why would you have to chose? I personally wouldn't want to spend a lot on a wedding, I would have a small inexpensive one.
We bought the house first, got engaged 5 months later and then had a relatively inexpensive wedding that we paid for ourselves. My parents gave me the choice, house or wedding for the $ they were going to give me, the choice was an easy one for me.
His parents do NOT expect us to spend it on the wedding. They wanted to give it as a gift for newly married life (furniture, house, etc). We had planned to have a small and intimate ceremony anyway, but even that can cost a lot!
I really want a house. I really want a wedding, too...especially since I've been "advanced" all my life and missed out on all the typical social milestones. I'm conflicted. I know logically that I should make the financially responsible choice, but I can't help wanting a wedding, too. We've been engaged a year and a half already...so we've gotta get married one way or another because this is dragging on too long.
Maybe we could get married now and have a big party/celebration in a year or two.....hmmm...
hmm I think it really depends on your situation. For my hubs and I-- our wedding was about $35k and my inlaws paid about $15k. Out of the CASH gifts from out wedding, we made more than what us and my inlaws paid. So in our case, we made money from the wedding and all that money is going towards a future down payment.
If you had your wedding, how long would it take you and your FI to save 20k?
Down payments in the bay area (where we are moving this year) are $100,000+, otherwise, yes, we would have gone without a wedding for a house. Our wedding wouldn't even dent that kind of down payment, so we are doing both (the house is about 2 years away, though)
I would have the wedding, TBH. Once you have a house, house things start to happen. Are you going to put your heart and soul into your wedding still, or is that going to go to the house and the wedding be an after thought?
Your kids will grow up in a house that they will know, and will remember regardless. It's just a building. A wedding is something they'll grow up fantasizing about with your pictures. Don't be afraid to have your dream wedding.
Stacey4884: $20,000 would take approximately half a year to save by the time we paid for all other expenses. Funny thing is, once we have the downpayment, our mortgage will only be as much as our rent is now!
Crayfish: I'm in Seattle, so I know all about crazy home prices! I'm shocked that an average, decent starter home costs $500,000! You need at LEAST $100,000 down to have a suitable downpayment. It's insane! I'm originally from Tennessee and for $500,000 you could have an estate! I don't know how people without college degrees can ever afford to have a home in big city!
I would do an adorable, small JofP wedding w/ a restaurant reception ala Mrs. Mary Jane. That being said, I do not in any way regret my "large" (~120 ppl) wedding, but do wish we had more money to throw at our condo so we could pay it off and move. (The housing market is so poor in Chicago that we would get less than 1/2 of what we paid. We'd be able to save majorly on a house in a nearby suburb, but we'd owe the bank on the condo & wouldn't have a down payment. Quite a "catch 22". You have to prioritize and do what's right for you. It sounds like you'd rather buy a house & start a family instead of the wedding hullaballoo. Good luck in your decision.
A house is a home...a wedding is a celebration/party. If we could've only afforded one, it would not have been the latter
We can't buy a house before getting married, but if we could, I totally would. In your situation, I'd say yes. I'd do a simple, budget 2K or so wedding with family and buy that house in your situation. I'd still want to be married, but I'd forego the big wedding.
You sound like you want the house, so get the house! It a decision you are unlikely to regret.
If, after you have this gorgeous house, you miss the fact that you didn't have a big party, well you'll have a house to throw a big party in!
Perfect!
I think it just depends on your priorities. I didn't want a wedding to begin with, we only had one because my husband wanted one. So yes, I would much rather have a house then a wedding.
I like the idea of it. But I don't think I could. Mostly because our families would be so upset and disappointed if we didn't have a traditional wedding. And I want to throw a party and wear the dress and have the memories from a wedding. We're not paying for our wedding though. My parents gave us a budget, and what we have left over is ours. We are using that money to save for a down payment for a house.
Could you find a house and then have a nice, simple ceremony in your backyard?
Ok, I will give you our experience, which probably won't help, but...
Due to the economy, my parents weren't able to help us with the wedding. So, we used our house down payment to pay for our wedding. My FIL gave us half of the 3.5% required minimum down payment, which we have to pay back once I start making more money. Plus, we are paying an extra $100 a month for PMI until we hit the 20% mark, which will be in about, oh 15 years if we keep making minimum payments (it won't, we plan on having the PMI paid off in 5 years or less).
Now, all that said, would I go back and do the same thing again? Absolutely. While yes, we are losing out on money now, I wouldn't trade our wedding. People can think we made a poor choice, but being able to see both of our families mixed together so perfectly, great aunts and uncles there to celebrate...can you really put a price on that??
We are planning to close on our house soon after the honeymoon (fingers crossed) so we are on a very MODEST, SLIM, budget for our wedding. That word is not frowned upon now with wedding vendors like it used to be. They know ppl are serious these days w the economy about budgeting. We never wanted a huge wedding. We always wanted small, so that helped. And might I add that FI is paying for all of it all by himself. With all the DIY, recycle/resale, out of the box ideas out there now, you could have a wedding on almost any budget.
FI and I actually had this talk in the beginning when it came up that we could go to the JP and have a traditional wedding later. But I opted out of that (no offense to anyone who did it) bc I just felt with house and decorating and maybe unexpected kids...who knows, wedding would become less and less of a priority down the line. And I wanted some type of ceremony.
No.. theres no major hurry to get a house immediately, we can always take our time and save up for a house after a wedding. Having said that, I'm having a budget wedding so its not its costing me the earth
Have your wedding. Its a once in a lifetime event and you'll regret it if you don't do it. you'll always regret it. Its worth it to wait a little longer for a house. That said, you can still have a nice wedding on a budget!
It depends. I've never seen the importance of owning a home. My apartment is bigger than some houses around here. And this year we are looking for a house to rent. I like that I'm not tied down to just one place or that I'm paying a loan for 30 years. YIKES that sounds crazy!
With that said, we are having a wedding that doesn't scream over consumption. If we wanted to buy a house in the next few years and have a wedding next year, we would be able to.
This might not sound very romantic but, this current economy has put the real estate/finance market in a unique environment....prices are reasonable (at least more so than they were 5-8 years ago) with homes that were previously out of the question now somewhat within reach (at least I can say that for sure in So CA and in HI). On top of that, mortgage rates are also still very reasonable. If owning a home is important to you and something that you are already sure you want to do (not everyone thinks owning a home is a priority, for different reasons) then now is a pretty good time to pull the trigger, especially if you qualify for a good rate. I'm not saying that situation is going to disappear tomorrow, but I really feel that it's a priority. I'm also very biased though, because #1 I spent over 12 years in the real estate/mortgage business in Santa Barbara, CA and Bellevue, WA and #2: FI and I agreed that the house should come first. We bought a home that I am THRILLED with in December of 2009. We put enough of a down payment on it to where the mortgage, taxes, & insurance still came out to $300 LESS than what we were renting. We spent 2 months and about $25k renovating and updating it. At first, I was a little heartbroken because every time we spent money, all I could think about was that it was money that COULD HAVE been spent towards a wedding (or even a damn engagement ring!!)...but believe it or not, purchasing a home together, then working on it, doing home improvements, picking out appliances and new furniture sort of made me forget about the wedding. We had so much fun just building our new life together, that it didn't matter to me that I didn't have a sparkly ring on my finger. To me, we were already building a life together--the wedding/marriage would come eventually. Yes, our parents gave us a lot of crap and kept asking when the heck we'd get married--but we just told them all (over and over) that this was how we wanted to begin our life. After we got settled, he surprised me with a proposal (I thought buying the house would definitely push engagement out by another year)...and now, we are neck deep into planning our wedding for this June. It will be a small & modest wedding of just under 100 guests...so speaking from experience, I would say that if you and FI are already starting a new life together and buying a home is important...then go ahead and push the wedding back; it'll happen eventually and it will be perfect, even if you have to wait a little longer for it
Thanks for all your help ladies. After much discussion, I've decided to scale down the wedding and host it in a local waterfront park. I'm going for a mid-afternoon picnic chic theme. Think baskets with wine, fruit, fresh bread, cheese, etc. With a guest list of about 40 essentials, we can keep it under $1000.
i would opt for the house. I have one and So has one .. problem .. but the house is long term investment .... wedding is ONE DAY
You can buy the house and before you fully furnish it, why not have the wedding in the house? If you weren't planning a big wedding to begin with, you can use your own home to have the wedding, and save alot of money. It's one way of having your cake and eating it too!
@KendraJ: That sounds awesome! Good luck to you and your FI.
we seriously considered a small, intimate destination wedding. we wanted to avoid the costs of a large, lavish wedding so we could purchase a house first BUT this day means more to me personally so a house can wait!
Congrats on your future plans. I would have done the same thing. Definitely a home over a wedding.
We are paying for the wedding in cash and will be accumulating zero debt from it.
We are planning to use any cash gifts towards a house down payment.
BUT if I absolutely had to choose, I'd probably choose a house and a super casual, inexpensive wedding.
I vote house, hands down. In 30 years, you’ll have happy memories of your wedding day no matter whether its large or small. You could also own a home/property outright which would ease the amount of money you’ll need for retirement, or could be used to pay for a portion of your children’s college educations.
Im actually in this exact situation. We actually started out with a $20,000 budget for our wedding. But during the planning process we were presented with the opportunity to be first time homeowners and we absolutely could not pass up the opportunity. We've wanted to be homeowners for years so when we realized our dream could come true sooner than later we were ecstatic. Being homeowners and building wealth for our future and our childrens future was so much more important than having a lavish event that will be over in a matter of hours. We close on our new house on Monday!! Our new wedding budget is $6000!! Its a good thing we are quite nontrafitional/unconventional because we only want an intimate ceremony and cocktail reception with 50 guests. We are also getting married on a Thursday night so we are going to be able to save a ton of money by taking advantage of the fact that we arent doing things the traditional way.
The most important part of your wedding day should be the ceremony. Sharing your lifelong commitment with the person you love is what really matters, not the extra stuff. Im so happy that we get to have our wedding cake and eat it too, in our new dining room!!
I'm really glad you posted this. I've read a lot of responses and am gonna rethink my wedding plans in order to keep most of our money towards a house. We already have kids but we need more space now and my conscious has been killing me about spending all this money on something that is not necessarily important. I don't want to feel selfish. Where I live things are pretty cheap but I think the most important things I want out of a wedding are making it a religious ceremony, having professional photography, and having an intimate dinner/cake. We can dance and have a good time any other day. Although, we'd also like a weekend vacation from the kids : )
We are currently renting, and plan on buying a house a few months after the wedding. Granted, our down payment would've been much bigger if I had planned for a smaller wedding, but, in my mind, this is my one chance to celebrate with my family and my friends. We can buy a house next year, or the year after, but we can't get this moment in our lives back to focus on the celebration of a union.
Absolutely yes on the house.
BUT keep in mind that you don't have to totally foresake a wedding - just the luxurious/dream part of it! You can elope, or have a lovely morning ceremony followed by cake and champagne for WAY less than 10k. If you split the difference, and decided to put 2k towards the wedding, and the remaining 8k towards the house, you might be a whole lot closer. Add to that no registry, and instead requests for help towards the downpayment and while you never expect to break even, you might not be in terrible shape... You can have a beautiful anniversary/vow renewal in a few years! The house is definitely more important!
I voted no b/c we got our house and lived in it for 8 years before getting married. The house was our initial priority and our sense of the most financially responsible place to put our money, but we didn't skip the wedding either. In the end, we had a much more expensive wedding than I would have 8 years earlier b/c over that time we built more financial security.
@KendraJ: We were facing the same decision also. In the end, we decided to have our "big" wedding instead of buying a house faster because we think we'd potentially regret not having that experience, but I think its an entirely personal decision and you guys should decide what's going to be best for you. You can always buy a house first, then have a bigger or smaller wedding - same result, just a different order :)
It ended up being a good decision for us because not only are we having our "big" wedding, but some financial opportunities have blossomed for us recently and now we are looking for a house too! I've been searching regularly, but unless we find something that we can't pass up, I think we're going to try and wait a while to buy since the housing market is continuing to decline and more properties will be coming available. I just hope that it works out well time-wise with our apartment lease!
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