(Closed) Wedding Party bringing random guests?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

It’s definitely understandable that you dont’ want a total stranger at your wedding, I wouldn’t either!  But I think your bridesmaid doesn’t want to be lonely or end up dancing alone during the dances.  I think your bm would understand if you spoke to her about it or perhaps mention that you’d like to meet and get to know their date a little better.

Post # 4
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I personally don’t find that irrational at all. I am in a similar situation. They are all my closest friends so I had no trouble telling them that I want them to be comfortable and have a blast. That being said I don’t want strangers at my wedding, spending the day with our bridal party. So, if they start dating someone or have a friend they would like to bring that I know go for it. I just don’t want them going out and "finding a date" as in some random person from work. My BM’s responded fine to that. Some of them have already told me they plan to come alone because don’t want to worry about entertaining someone, another has told me she’s bringing a childhood friend of both of ours who I think it will be awesome to have there. I have no idea if I’m out of line on this but i thought it was reasonable. I’m curious to hear what others say.

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know you’ll get a lot of people to disagree with me on this, but I understand you not wanting strangers at your wedding. You also don’t want your bridesmaids to be lonely/ not dance/ not have a good time if they’d have a better time with a date.

However, you can apporach them with this tidbit: it stinks to be date to someone in the wedding party when you don’t know anyone else. I’ve been my FI’s date to a wedding where he was in the wedding party and I spent almost all night alone. He was busy with photos, etc, and I was alone. I would have rather him gone alone.

 

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think it’s reasonable.  I was going to have a talk with mine sometime soon.  Most of them are sisters who are single and I know they won’t want to bring a random date.  But my two non-family BMs, I’m not totally sure yet.  I’m going to just see what they’re planning on doing.  At the end of the day, I’d really prefer they didn’t bring some random person but I also don’t feel right prohibiting them.  I’m not too worried though, they’re practical girls who will know TONS of people at our wedding, and their dates would have to travel with them. 

If your BMs are pretty easygoing, I think they’ll understand the situation.  As for your bridesmaidzilla… I don’t know, if it were me, I’d probably just let it slide.  May not be worth the potential confrontation.

Post # 7
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

This is a tough situation. One of my bridesmaids is engaged and is obviously bringing her fiancee, the others are completely single. As of now, I don’t know what their plans are as far as bringing a date goes. On the one hand, I can see how they’d want someone there to dance with, or to just hang out and chat with so they don’t feel alone. On the other, what is this date person going to do while they are busy? If they are bringing a male friend, it will be someone I don’t know, and someone not too many other guests know. They will have to come to the ceremony by themselves (we are taking pictures before hand), sit by themselves during the ceremony…if it were me, I wouldn’t want to be the date to a wedding where I didn’t know the bride or groom and my date was in the wedding party. But, if I were a bridesmaid I probably wouldn’t want to go alone either.

All that being said, I don’t think you’re being irrational, but I also don’t think it’s very nice to tell your friends they can’t bring a date. If they mention bringing someone you’re uncomfortable with because you don’t know them, mention that or ask if you can hang out before the wedding, maybe. Then at least you won’t have to be introduced to this person on the day of!

Post # 9
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think you’re being irrational, but I wouldn’t be comfortable requesting that the wedding party not bring dates.  We might encourage them to come by themselves, but if they would be more comfortable with a date they have the option to invite someone.

I’m only really worried about this for one out of my four bridesmaids.  She has a long time boyfriend, but I’m really not a fan of his and he would be very unhappy hanging out with a bunch of people he doesn’t know.  (And I know that he would get mad and pouty and cause her to be unhappy and/or leave early so I REALLY didn’t want him coming.)  I asked her if she thought he would have fun when she mentioned bringing him and she realized he wouldn’t at all. 

So now she’s bringing her sister.  I know this sounds bad, but I don’t really like her either.  (Basically it’s a miracle my friend came out of such a messed up small town/family with as little damage as she did.)  But there’s no way I can say don’t bring her. 

I think it will be all right, but I’m not looking forward to telling my bridesmaid that her sister won’t be joining us for my getting ready time.  This also nixes my hopes for having a "slumber party" with my girls the night before since the FI wants to spend the night apart.  Oh well.  It always works out in the end, right? 

I don’t know about you, but we’ll be doing most everything ourselves so there will be a lot of things that need to be set up the day of.  Perhaps their dates would rather help out instead of hang out by themselves? 

Post # 10
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

IMO I really think that the bridal party should be the exception to the "don’t bring a date" rule, they more then anyone should be allowed to bring a date. Your BMs are spending alot of time & money to put on a shower for you, your bachelorette party, dresses, shoes, maybe even hair& makeup, hotel, gifts and more; the least we can do as brides is let them have a fun date to dance with. Plus your going to be so high in the clouds happy on your wedding day your not even going to notice the 4 or 5 strangers at your wedding.

Also, I would be surprised if their male dates wanted to tag along with you and your other BMs, they will more then likely just stay in the hotel room and sleep until its time to take a cab/shuttle to your wedding. And then hang out with your other BMs dates during the pictures, etc. guys usually get along with other guys within mins of meeting each other.

Post # 11
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well my boyfriend couldn’t come to my friends wedding in which I was a bridesmaid and everyone else had someone coming, so I said that I was replacing him with my brothers girlfriend. She didn’t mind really, she just cared about marrying her man. Also her parents were footing the bill.

Post # 13
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

In my honest opinion, I think that the bridal party should be able to bring dates.  I know a lot of people who have cut down their lists by not inviting +1’s unless the guest was in a relationship, for a significant amount of time, but its always been my understanding that the bridal party should always have the option of bringing a guest.  As AnnieAAA pointed out, they have spent a lot of time and money to be a part of your day.  My feeling is that if you are close enough with the person to make them a part of your bridal party, you should also trust their ability to bring an appropriate date. 

Post # 14
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, in my case it was just me and not all the bridesmaids. I was glad my "date" was there because I didn’t hardly see the bride the whole reception and everyone else I knew had their dates. I had someone to dance with and talk to when everyone else was occupied. 

Because all your bridesmaids have eachother, I can see where they wouldn’t need a date. They might just think of a date as an accessory. 

Post # 15
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Amy's Manor

We’ve gone back and forth on this one. I guess we are a bit soft on this and don’t want to have to have a conversation with friends about bringing or not bringing a date. We only have a few that would be bringing someone that we don’t know (or don’t know well) so I think I’d rather just bypass the conversation and let it go rather than make things awkward. I want everyone to have a good time and I can understand wanting a date to talk to or hang out with during moments when others would be with their own dates.

Post # 16
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Ha! My BM (fiancé’s sister) asked if she could bring her bff guy (non boyfriend/ it’s complicated) and I told her my futuresister advice was to find some arm candy and only bring the other guy if she didn’t find any!

 Lighten up Ladies! If it’s about numbers then cut the count by all means, but if it’s just about the “guy you don’t know” let it slide. Weddings are a horrible time to feel alone and like a single girl. So invite some hot single guys for them to dance with or let them bring a date!

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