wedding party death… and more death…how to cope

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  I don’t have personal experience on this one, but I would look for a way to honour your sister and cousin at your wedding.

I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with, but focusing on the future and something happy may be the best thing to get you through this difficult time.

Post # 4
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  That is so intense I can’t really imagine how to deal.  I will say that it’s probably not the right time to go dress shopping.  Be OK with taking a little time off to grieve and deal with the losses you’ve endured.  I think therapy always helps.  Then, when you wake up one day too tired to cry and maybe even FEELING a little sun on your skin and appreciating it, start taking more steps back into wedding planning.  You have plenty of time still—-  I wasn’t even engaged as long as the time you still have until your wedding.  I promise that when you’re further along in grieving, you will still want this wedding.  It’s just not your priority right now and that’s FINE.

In recovery (from anything) it’s all about taking it one day at a time.  Maybe even journal each day so you can see patterns in your emotions.

Post # 5
Hostess
30313 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AndysCraftsNmore:  Oh my goodness, I can’t even begin to imagine what this feels like.  Please, let yourself take the time to grieve and cope – don’t feel like you have to go dress shopping or even plan your wedding.  And when you are ready to go forward with wedding planning, I like bibbleskip’s suggestion: think of ways to bring the happiness of your sister and your cousin to your wedding day.  HUGS!

Post # 6
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t have any personal experience with this either, but I agree with everyone else who’s telling you to take some time to process and grieve. That’s part of life, and certainly doesn’t count as putting your life on hold.

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

Have you considered doing something like this to honor their memory at the wedding?

 

 

Post # 8
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree that taking some time to grieve and deal with your loss is important. Then, when you’re ready, you can move forward with wedding plans, and hopefully your wedding celebration with give your family a chance to come together and heal together. Hugs!

Post # 9
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@EyeLoveKitties:  that’s a really different idea – I’ve never seen that done.  I like it, they’re walking with you through the day – carrying you even 🙂

Post # 10
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Maybe put little pictures of them in your bouquet to honor their memory and have them there with you in spirit?  I know someone who did that when her Dad died not long before she got married.

Post # 11
Member
5008 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  my best friend passed away while sleeping two months before her wedding. She was 32 and had massive heart disease but never went to the doctor to have herself checked out. She also died on her fiances birthday. It was absolutely awful and heartbreaking. I am having a hard time not having her in my wedding. 

The way I started to grieve and move on was by keeping myself busy. Your sister and cousin would want you keep living your life. Find ways to honor them – we are having a park built in my friends honor as well as dedicating some other things to her. At the same time, grieve and cry and be upset. I would suggest seeing a grief counselor to work through your feelings. And feel free to take a break from wedding related things. You have a ways to go so taking a break is more than fine. And lean on your FI for love and support. 

 

Post # 12
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AndysCraftsNmore:  it’s people’s natural reaction to feel sorry for what you are going through- it is a difficult thing to lose someone. As my wedding approaches my grandmas death is hard to take. I will do a memory frame and have it seated with everyone else. Maybe focus on celebrating them at the ceremony. I just went to a wedding that had 5 candles that the couples children lit and the program stated who they were in memory of. It was very nice.

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

 

Post # 14
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@AndysCraftsNmore: Coping with the death of a loved one can be so difficult and the way we all cope and grieve is different for everyone. While I haven’t experience the exact same situation (having those involved in my wedding passing), I have experienced losing one of my closest friends in a bad roll over accident that I survived. I think the biggest advice I could give you is to give yourself time to reflect and let time heal you. I know there isn’t anything someone can say to bring you complete comfort, as it was that way for me. Just know that your loved ones would want you to be happy regardless of the circumstances. Do your best to focus on their great love and life. If you need to talk to someone, please do. That is something I deeply regret. I refused to speak about it to anyone and kept it within myself. I had to express my guilt, anger and sadness in order to start healing. It is still a pain in my heart. But it gets better. Little by little, everyday. Just do your best to come to terms with your feelings, and know that it is okay to feel hurt and to just feel. Best wishes.

Post # 15
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Are you spiritual at all?

I lost my mom this July. She was 48 years young and my best friend in the world. I never thought myself to be spiritual, but after she passed, I could just… feel her… around me. It has helped me tremendously, knowing that she hasn’t left my side. I will also be honoring her in many ways during my wedding, but you’ve got plenty of time to think about that.

I also echo others’ sentiments about allowing yourself time to grieve. Put off dress shopping. See a counselor. Talk (honestly!) to others who have gone through something similar about your feelings (I’m available for PM). Also, like you yourself said, your cousin and your sister would not want you to be in pain forever, so never feel guilty when you smile, laugh, are happy… they’re right there with you smiling, laughing, and being happy.

Post # 16
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree with the PPs who are saying allow yourself time to grieve. You have plenty of time before your wedding. Time does heal, as you also found out with your first friend. Dont rush into any big wedding decisions at this time, and at the end of they day, some things are so trivial. 

I do like the suggestions of the PPs on how to honour their loved ones, especially the photos on the boquet/shoes. My grandma died last year. I hadn’t seen her for 2 years (live otherside of the world), and she died literally 2 weeks before I was due to travel home. And it was not possible to change flights, so I missed the funeral also, the week before I had planned to go. I had to visit her grave.  Initially I wwanted to wear her pearlnecklace, as she was known for that, but Iit wont suit my wedding day look. I want to do something but not something that is completelyobvious like a photo stand.

Also almost 2 years ago the guy I shared an office with for 5 years committed suicide. I had survivors guilt for ages. Then someone said to me one day, dont ever be angry for the loss, be thankful for what they brought to your life. It helped a lot to think that way, after the initial grieving stage.

Give yourself time.

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