Post # 1
I love my wedding party – seriously – so while this is a little venty please don’t think I’m that frustrated with all the individuals, it’s just that I wish people would respond better to inquiries.
First: I’ve got 2 bridesmaids, my FI has 4 groomswomen. We’ve decided that they should all dress the same. We asked all the ladies to purchase a long chiffon dress in red, preferably from David’s Bridal so they are all the same color, but if that doesn’t work out it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. They can pick the cut/style of the dress individually. I also checked with each one about their budget in advance and David’s is well within their stated budgets. We’re now 88 days out from the wedding and only one of them has gotten their dress. I know they still have time and I won’t go crazy reminding them – I just wish that they’d get it done so that they wind up with a dress they love and are able to get it shortened if need be. I’d feel bad if they waited till the last minute and wound up with a not so perfect fit because that was all that their particular store had. Also, if this were the only issue, it wouldn’t really be one.
Second: I wanted to treat all the ladies to manicures and pedicures the day before the wedding and pay to get everyone’s hair done (if they wish, it isn’t a requirement) the morning of. My sister (one of my bms) has been kind enough to find someone to do it since I no longer live in the place that we are getting married and has asked that I get a head count and a general list of what hair styles the girls would like so we know how expensive this is going to be (again, I’m paying). No one has responded about the manis and pedis and two girls have responded about the hair (one is a yes, one is a no).
Again – I get it – I’m still way far out, but at what point should I assume that a non-responce is a no? I won’t send these ladies a bunch of annoying emails but it has been several weeks and I feel that since we’re paying for it and they don’t even need to budget for this, it shouldn’t be that hard of a decision, right?
If it helps – I really don’t think I’m being a bridezilla – the ladies can wear any choice of shoes/accessories / we’ve purchased cardigan sweaters for them. FIs parents have graciously offered to cover all of their hotel rooms for 2 nights. I’m paying for the manis/pedis/hair. I am not requiring that they do any of this – I just want to know and I stated that in my email. Also, on top of this, we’re getting them all really awesome and individualized gifts – plus gifts for those who are taking part in hosting a shower.
Is this level of disinterest the norm – could I adjust anything I’m doing to be more accommodating?
Post # 2
missadventure85: Have you given them a date to buy their dresses by, or to reply by for the other things?
Except for possibly the dresses, my first impression is that they still have plenty of time. But if you need to know by a certain date, I think you should tell them that. Even with the dresses they have plenty of time if they’re able to walk in and buy it off the rack. If you’re expecting they order something then, again, give them a deadline.
Of course if you *have* given a date and that date has passed, then a reminder email or phone call is completely approproiate.
Post # 3
Have you set a deadline? A lot of times, people will think they have all the time in the world to get these things done and back to you. They put it off, forget about it, you send another email and the cycle starts again. I would send one last email, give them a deadline of one week for hair/ mani/pedis (tell them the salon needs head counts) and a month to order a dress. Follow up in a week by phone. Have your FI call his girls, as they are a part of his wedding party. Get a firm answer on the beauty stuff, and then ask nicely about the dress. In a month, if they still don’t have a dress, give them another phone call. Try to find a time when you can go with them.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
missadventure85: Are they normally procrastinators? It would explain a lot … It is not necessarily that they are disinterested, but rather that they may be last minute type people … I would probably give them a deadline (ie. the dresses take x amount of time, please make sure you choose by such and such a time – or ask them if they want to make a girls day out of going to DB to check out some dresses). While they probably had plenty of notice, is it possible that one or both of them is having financial issues? I would be pretty stressed out … but they still have a bit of time.
Post # 5
Thanks for the perspective. I haven’t given deadlines at all, mostly because I wanted to avoid sounding pushy, but I definitely see how they can help keep everyone happy and on top of things.
A group shopping trip is not possible as no two wedding party members live in the same state.
I feel like while weddings are definitely expensive for wedding party members we’ve done a decent job of being open about budgets and mitigating or paying for their hotel/accessory/hair costs such that it shouldn’t really cost them any more to travel to the wedding than any of our other out-of-town guests. I’ve seen some of the dresses that fit my parameters for under $100 at DB and each of the girls said anything under $200 would be fine. Besides, if anyone came to myself or FI about a financial issue we’d have no problem pitching in – I’m sure they all know this.