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:( That really, really stinks. I am so sorry that it's happening, because really there's no excuse for it! Grown men should NOT act like that. Not okay. *hugs*
Oh my goodness Layla. I am so sorry this stuff is happening.
Just hugs. Nothing but hugs. Does he have brothers or do you who could stand in the wedding?
If no groomsmen or BM, what I'd do is have the bridesmaids walk out and then be seated on the front row after they walk out and have your MOH and your FI's dad (if he can) be the BM.
Thanks ya'll. I agree grown men should not act like this. They're in their late 20's and early 30's too... we're not in high school, ya know?
Belle - that's a very good suggestion, thank you. His dad would begrudgingly do it, but he doesn't have any brothers. I'm more sad for him than anything, but I'm also greatly, horrible, incredibly pissed off.
Honestly, if I were your FI, I would say something to this guy (if he hasn't already) Along the lines of, "You said you were going to be in my wedding as a groomsman. This entails coming to help out, taking pictures, and then being there for the wedding. You're going to have to have your kid's birthday on Friday, or after church Sunday. Sorry, but these plans were made first."
Sometimes I seriously wonder how some people were raised to behave.
AW :( I'm really sorry thats awful. I hate grown adults that still have commitment issues! Grow up!
@hotchild - he basically yelled at him, saying it was unacceptable and that he was the only one he had left and the guy was like, sorry, my wife booked it. Too late now.
Unbelievable.
what a douche... sorry but that's alll i can say. i liked belle's suggestion of them sitting on the front row as well...
Boo! Wow that blows! So Sorry! To think that his only friend left & his wife, won't budge because of a birthday party...wow...
@Laylabelle: Totally unacceptable. Also unacceptable on his wife's part. Not to be sexist, but us wives/ladies (should) know the etiquette around this kind of stuff. I would be thinking to myself, "Wow, my husband is in a wedding on Saturday. I should not be throwing my daughter's birthday on this day because my husband will be busy."
Some people need to grow a brain...and manners.
Oh my god, I'm so, so sorry! As a bride who had two groomsmen drop out for being overall immature and mean also, and also had a BM drop out a week before the wedding, I can honestly attest to what you're going through. It was awful and made me sick to my stomach. But after a few days, I realized that it all didn't matter. As long as the people who really care about you two show up, that's all you can ask for, right? We started with three and four on each side, and ended up with two each, and it was fine.
Ugh, I'M even TO'd at your wedding party. Gheesh!
I also agree with Bella. Does your FI have some other men in his family that can step in, who already have suits or whatever? Like dad or an uncle? We almost had my FIs dad or my uncle step in, but we decided against it at the last minute because our numbers were even.
Unbelievable! I can't imagine how frustrated and angry you are. It sucks when friends bail and I can't believe they would do so at such an important moment. Is there anyone else who could stand up with him?
I agree with having a dad or uncle step in, as much as it sucks, that would at least help make him feel better to have his family pitch in. We were going to have to do this when we thought best man was getting deployed, his deployment was changed, so we are still good, but in the mean time we had his dad lined up to stand in for him.
I am so sorry Layla...that is very disappointing. We're kind of experiencing the same thing w/ my FI's guys. Two of them don't see the need of showing up until a few hours before the wedding...it's maddening how some people just don't understand.
I just realized that we had decided to do our rehearsal the day of, while decorating because this particular guy couldn't get Friday off, and now he won't even be there for that. I called my FI and said - you need to call him again and ask him to move it to a better date, they know when their daughters birthday is and they committed to this before making plans for that. He needs to do this or GTFO.
My FI says he knows the guy will bow out of the wedding. I feel like pulling every hair in my head out.
((Hugs)) I love your spunk!!! GTFO! I LOVE IT! AND CLEARLY THE SHOW WILL GO ON WITH OR WITHOUT HIM!!
Let us know what he says...
What jerks! Who can't rearrange a kid's bday party?? he obviously just doesn't care and is looking for any excuse out.
How many bridesmaids do you have? Would they be comfortable if you just opted to not have a bridesmaids/groomsmen? Maybe you could assign a different task for them?
that sucks laylabelle, it sounds like your FI has some pretty sad excuses for friends!
Wow girl! Sounds like these "friends" are no friends of yours!
First of all, I agree with what you told your husband to say. Is there anyone else that could stand up with him? You really only want people there who support you whether you're choosing them seven months, weeks or DAYS out.
If not, make a note of it in the program (if they're not yet printed) and don't worry! Without this lame friend, you guys will still have a wonderful wedding and a great time! Don't let the stress get you down and don't keep thinking about it!!! Good luck and best wishes!!!
Booo! Very thoughtless of these people! I'm sorry. (If it's any consolation -- I guess not really? -- similar things seem to happen to so many of us.)
You know what? Screw 'em (this has become my attitude lately to all stressors wedding-related) - the only thing you need is you, your FH, your officiant, and that marriage license. What kind of friends are these supposed to be? And who wants such crappy friends standing up with them anyway? Some of the stuff I read on these boards is appalling and I had no idea real people who you considered friends would act this way. Enjoy your day with the people who care about you and if the GMs want to show up fine, and if they don't that's fine too.
LOL I don't know why, but for some reason I feel really mad for you! What a crappy thing!
Chaotic Bliss had an excellent point: The show will go on!!!!
This is really ridiculous. Their behavior is childish and beyond reprehensible and frankly, you're better off without these people standing next to you, sending bad vibes.
Not that it matters, but is it possible he still believes the rumor and doesn't want to be a part of the wedding because of it?
Regardless, you still have four weeks. Kick the last guy to the curb because he's obviously making excuses and you need to focus on what to do next, and then go to Plan B.
I just spent thirty minutes in the bathroom at work crying. I look AWESOME now. Ugh.
I talked to my FI and he said screw it - he's going to tell the guy that we don't need that kind of stress before or on our wedding and that after all the years they've been friends, he expected more of him but apparently he already has other plans, so thanks but no thanks.
He said he'd either stand solo or ask someone else to stand in. I'm so sad for him. I literally cried just because I hurt for him. Grrrrr!
((HUGS)) Layla, it will be okay! Just work on having stand-in's or he could stand by himself! I alraedy adore your FI because he took charge and said thanks but no thanks. And he is right you don't need that kind of stress now or ever! As I said before at the end of the day it can be just the two of you at the venue and you guys will be making a lifelong commitment! Ultimately, the day is about the two of you anyway! ((HUGS)) Stop crying, you are marrying a wonderful man!! Thats enough to make you smile!! 
I am so sorry! It's so much more upsetting when someone is hurting the one you love. I say screw them! What about your side, do you have a brother, cousin, uncle, etc that could at least stand up. I hate this guy I have never even met him!
Well, he keeps trying to call the guy to tell him thanks but no thanks, but the dude won't even answer his phone. I mean, come on!
Yeah, I totally respect my FI for standing up to his friend and putting an end to this drama. He's still hurt and I hate it, but I think in the long run, these people being out of his life is for the best.
As an aside, we don't really have too many to chose from as a new BM. The only male relative I have (cousin) is walking me down the aisle and his father really needs to be with his sister, who has Down Syndrome. He said he'd rather stand alone than just chose someone to have someone. God, I love him. And he doesn't deserve this. :(
Thanks for all of the awesome hugs, kind words, shared indignation, and suggestinos. I love this site!
Awww that sucks for your FI. I'm sure he must be hurt but in the long run he is so much better off without these so-called "friends" (I mean, who the f**k does that?!?!) and I'm sure when he sees you coming down that aisle he won't even remember those guys exist. It's all about you and him and starting your life together and all the other bulls**t will melt away soon enough.
One thing I've been learning about wedding planning is you really find out who your real friends are and it can be pretty rough sometimes, but I guess it's better to know than to waste your time on people who will ultimately end up dissapointing you.
Oh and the whole "my wife planned my kid's bday party" thing is a load of crap. He's totally throwing his wife (and kid) under the bus. This guy is a total loser.
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I'm about to cry.
My FI originally had four guys in the wedding party. One started a rumor about me because he doesn't like me (he admitted this to my FI and also said it was just because he was jealous that I "got all of his time now"), which obviously led to them no longer being friends and also caused problems with two of the other guys in the wedding party, since they believed the rumor and spread it further instead of talking to my FI. Obviously those three guys are no longer in the wedding or our lives.
So the last guy standing just called my FI and said (four weeks prior to the wedding, mind you) that they were throwing his daughters birthday party the day of the wedding and so he wouldn't be able to get there until right before the wedding.
UM. EXCUSE ME?!?!
So when my FI asked why they couldn't do it on Sunday (it's family only... she's two and doesn't go to daycare or play with neighborhood kids yet), he said that they have church that day. My FI has been to their church. It lets out at noon.
So his only groomsman is not going to be in any pics, spend buddy time with my FI or help set up... awesome.
Oh and by the way, if you followed my other post here, this is the same guy that offered the bunk honeymoon.
I'm literally about to dissolve from stress and this wedding and people and... all of it!!
@#$%!$^&%@#!!!!!!!