Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman
Hi DW Brides!
When I was planning my wedding, I couldn’t help but notice that all the etiquitte books/articles said that paying for the lodging (and/or flight) of your wedding party members is a "must." Lodging in the Cayman Islands is expensive, so that was simply not in our budget. But our entire wedding party consisted of immediate family, so they all got help from our parents. We helped with their expenses in other ways, like paying for their wedding attire/accessories and several meals.
How does everyone else feel about this? Is it really a "must," or is it a wedding industrial complex myth?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s a must, but if your best man says to you "I simply can’t attend your wedding because I can’t afford to pay for a hotel at your destination", you should probably have some kind of plan!
I am thinking that if it’s in my budget, I’ll pay for one night at the hotel for each wedding party member. Our wedding party is small, and most are sharing rooms with each other, so hopefully this should not be too bad. (Considering I haven’t budgeted for the honeymoon yet, I dunno 😀 )
I don’t think you HAVE TO pay for anything. I think that if you can, it’s courteous to help out with some expenses, especially to show your gratitude for your friends/family being there.
Post # 4
I agree. It’s not a MUST. But if possible, a gesture is nice. We ended up paying 1/2 the room cost for almost all of our friends for all 3 nights. We factored this into the budget early since we knew we wanted to have our wedding at a fairly pricey resort and wanted to make it easy for everyone to attend. Our wedding party was immediate family though and we didn’t need to pay for them since our parents paid for them. Anyway, everyone can kind of do it their own way… That’s what I think…
Post # 5
It’s not a MUST but I think you SHOULD offset the cost somehow.
No way could I EVER ask my friends to plunk down thousands to be there for me…I just couldn’t do it. I’d buy their dress, take care of their hotel room, SOMETHING! Some are still in college, some just graduated, etc. A destination wedding shouldn’ be the "affordable alternative" to me, it should be something you want to do and you help out your attendants somehow!
Post # 6
wow i never heard of this… it would have been nice of the bride/groom helped me pay for being part of their wedding… three flights to their home state and logging on top of the dress I had to buy… and the wedding gift i gave them.. i was out close to 1200 for being in their wedding. I could afford it but if i knew it cost that much to do… i would have said no… i’m probably going to say no unless they are like my best friend to future destination weddings.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman
It can really add up! And of course the right thing to do is help out with their expenses. Which is one of the reasons why we opted to have our siblings as our wedding party, because we are close with them anyway and our parents offered to help them with costs.
The only problem with destination weddings is that many people make a vacation out of it and stay 4-5 nights, and if they each bring a significant other, you would need to get a seperate room for each member of the bridal party. So how many nights do you pay for? One? Two? Five? I know a DW bride who paid for her wedding party’s airfare, which was a generous way to help with expenses and it was a simpler alternative to paying for lodging.
Post # 8
We aren’t paying for our bridal party at all…and no one even asked or complained about it-we said hey If you want make it we understand right up front. But the guys are not having to rent a tux (just bringing a black suit) and the girls are purchasing their own blue dress/wearing one they already have…
Plus with over a year of time to plan/save it was like $50 a month per person…I didnt think it was too much to ask at all!
Post # 9
My Fi and I aren’t paying for the wedding party’s tip either. We opted to pay for their attire and get really nice gifts! It would just be too pricey to pay for all of them and it would’ve gotten tricky with the spouse thing too!
Post # 10
It’s not been a “must” in any wedding my FI has been in. And the only wedding I was in where lodging was required was my aunt’s while I was in uni – so whether it was her or my mom, it was ‘magically’ taken care of.
I think it’s personal and depends on you & your party. And if you can’t afford it, it’s always nice to help out with other bits & pieces you might require them to have for your wedding!
Post # 11
We got married in the Caribbean. Our wedding party was his 2 sisters, my 2 brothers, his (1) best friend, and my (1) best friend. So, 6 people. We were paying for the wedding ourselves and couldn’t afford to pay for their lodging on top of that. I worked out a good deal with the resort, and it included an extravagant breakfast every morning for our guests. I paid for my MOH’s dress. He paid for all of the guy’s outfits (ivory pants & linen shirts). We had 72 people travel down for our wedding. We spent our money on having a fantastic wedding that everyone would enjoy and gave them many gifts and lots of surprises. And our wedding party was in their late 20s – 40s… so they were more able to afford the trip. I felt bad, but everyone seemed totally ok with it. We insisted on “no gifts” and some didn’t, but some did. I did not make my BMs buy the same shoes – just suggested a gold sandal but could wear whatever they wanted. I didn’t make them get their hair or nails done, but my MOH wanted to and I paid for her services. I gifted them their jewelry, among other things. And we had a big welcome dinner for our family (37 total) and my ILs paid for that. So their expenses were airfare and hotel. While that was still costly, almost everything else was covered. Everyone made a vacation out of it and had the time of their lives!
Post # 12
I don’t know anyone who has paid for the lodging of attendants for out of town weddings. I always expect to pay for my own hotel, dress, etc. It’s just how it works!