Post # 1
Ok so for our wedding it will be essentially a big Italian Greek wedding. With Greek weddings the “koumbari” or maid of honor are the ones who buy the favors for the guests. I’ve expressed to them that I would like to have them do a donation to a cancer organization and not give a physical gift. My mom wasnt too fond of it and the younger “koumbara” thought it was a great idea. A couple of days ago I get a call from one of the koumbari asking how many invitations im sending out. I automatically knew why she was asking. I text my mom later in the day confirming what I had thought was going on. It turns out they totally are not doing what I had asked them to do and are planning to give a physical gift to the guest without even talking to me about it. I really mad at them, I havent told them though, yet! I plan on flying to NJ to see them during Thanksgiving and I really want to sit them all down and explain that this decision should not have been made without me. I think its rude.
Am I over reacting? I think it’s so ridiculous!
Post # 3
I think if they’re using their money, then they should do what they’d like to do and you should be a gracious bride and thank them for putting so much thought in the gifts for your wedding guests…
but that’s just my opinion.
Post # 4
Their money, their choice. Some don’t feel comfortable with donations as gifts. There are many related threads on here about this.
Post # 5
@dmk90716: Of course im very gratfully for them for paying for the favors. Its a huge amount of money that will be spent. My issue is that they totally ignored my request. Thats what ticks me off. They couldnt have even talked to me about it?
Post # 6
I understand your point but you’re overreacting. It’s a great tradition that they buy or pay for the guest favors but if you want something specific, than I think you should pay for it. Or take your own money that you would have spent on favors and donate that to an organizaiton.
Post # 7
That is really nice of you to want to have your friends/family pay into a cancer association, that really touched my heart since my mom is battling her second round of breast cancer.
The fact of the matter though is that like what have PP have said is that it is their money and their choice, you put your opinion into the pot and they stirred it over and then chose to do something else. I get that you wanted them to talk to you about it first but what would have happened? They want one way and you want another, but ultimately it would have ended up going their way since their paying for this, they get the final decision.
I get why this upsets you though because this is YOUR wedding, but in certain cultures or families the bride has to bend to the popular vote (via money, beliefs, religion, over-bearing parents etc.) and be gracious about it, that is the nature of the beast I am afraid.
Post # 8
@JoJoDahling: I just thought the money would get better used being donated. I hope your mother is on her way to recovery!!
I can understand your point of view. I just wish it didnt have to come down to this!
Post # 9
@Lepidoptera: I totally get that, I feel your pain. That money would have gone to a beautiful, helpful cause it would have been nice to see that happen. Good luck with this, I really wish you the best.
Post # 11
It sounds like it’s not their decision to buy physical favors, but how they went about making it without communicating with you that is the issue. Good luck during your talk, I am sure you are all coming from a great place and there was just a breakdown in communication along the way which is making you feel hurt and disrespected. I would be curious as to why they felt they couldn’t just tell you assertively that this is their money and this is what they want to do with it upfront? Maybe you can all compromise and you can do smaller favors and spend the remainder of the money on a donation… Or something like that! You never know, maybe they are making cookies or something so you can have both 🙂
Post # 12
Think this is not a battle worth fighting. If you want to support the charity, why not make it an option instead of gifts for your wedding, since tradition is that the Maid/Matron of Honor pick and pays for them, just let her do her thing. It’s not your moneyor your duty to tell them what to get.
Post # 13
I dunno. I think if the tradition is that they handle the favors then you should let them handle the favors. I think it’s okay that ou gave a suggestion, but I wouldn’t raise a stick if they do something different.
Post # 14
I think that you should ask them why they would choose physical gifts over a donation and why they wouldnt talk to you about it.
However, the reason why I decided not to do donation favours for my guests is that they most likely will gift you a great deal of money and they will not actually be getting anything in return that they can hold in their hand.
I decided to give 10% of the money I receive at the wedding to charity, that way I am makign the sacrifice myself and not at the expense of my guests.
Post # 15
If you really want to donate to charity, then go ahead.
Post # 16
Edit! just realized the wedding passed! Whoops!!