Post # 1
Okay, so I am a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding next year. She has been engaged for over a year now and up until now, the lineup has always been her sister (and Matron of Honor) and then me. She has always said if she didn’t have her sister that I’d be her maid of honor.
Recently, we were talking about the wedding and now I’m no longer second–BUT SEVENTH! She said she was pairing “like” people together (we have a big group of friends and most are dating/married), but to me, I still could have stayed second in line. What makes it worse is that I’m behind her sister-in-law who she does not have a very good relationship with, the groom’s sister who she has only met four times, her eleven year old niece, and an old family MALE friend. These are not people she interacts with on a day to day basis!
Really, I’m just kind of venting–but I wondered if maybe there is something wrong or if I did something to offend her, etc. I asked her, to gauge if maybe I did something wrong, but she said everything was fine. And I couldn’t make myself more available to help out with wedding stuff or listen to her vent, so it’s not that. It’s kind of made me reevaluate my future lineup and I can’t help feeling a little hurt. This is my best friend and I’m way in the back of her lineup. It may not be a big deal to some brides/maids, but this is what I’m feeling right now.
Also, when I look at people’s line ups, I can’t help but think of them in order of importance, which I know is so silly. I think it’s because that’s kind of how I’m putting my girls together and the last two girls are the ones who will be cut if needed. (Note: I’m not engaged yet, so I haven’t asked two girls to be maids just to kick them out a couple of months later!!!) I guess I just assume other people do the same. And sometimes if I get in an argument with my sister or friend I’ll grumble to myself and mentally bump her down a spot or two until I’m not angry anymore haha.
Did anyone else place their girls in order of importance or do you look at a bridal party and think that? I know this post seems kind of silly, but I’m genuinely curious.
Post # 3
@birchwood29: WOW! Breathe a little! Its not your day and therefore stand wherever she puts you! Its not your day to shine.
I wouldnt stress it much. Where Im from, its custom the the wedding party stand in height order. This way in pictures it looks pretty. And the BM will walk with a GM similar in height as well.
Post # 4
@Plum4getful: Thanks for your response! Just wondering where it was implied I wanted to “shine” or that I was at all implying I was refusing to go where she put me? I didn’t think I mentioned any of that in the post…
Post # 5
With the weddings ive been in, usually the bride stands her BM’s from most to least important, then the guys are put in order based on height. It’s possible, that you friend let her FI put his groomsmen in order from most to least important, then the girls just got paired up w their partner/best height. Don’t look too much into it, i’d be a little disappointed, but it doesn’t sound like shes making it personal.
Post # 6
@birchwood29: To me, the place you are in the bridal party line means nothing if your arent MOH. For instance my friend who would probably be my MOH if not for my sister is going to be sixth out of seventh in line because she is the shortest and is being paired with my cousin who is in a wheelchair and my other friend is 6ft and I thought the height difference may make him uncomfortable. I genuinely decided the guys line up based as Best Man (my brother), My FI older brother, My FI other brother, My cousin, his cousin, my cousin (cousins by age), and my sisters long term boyfriend. Then, I paired the ladies with them that I thought would be most comfortable with everyone. That six foot tall girl is getting paired up with the only guy taller than her. My sister will be last to be with her boyfriend even though my other sister will be first to be with my brother. My matron of honor is actually second and after the maid of honor so she can be with her husband who is my FI older brother. See how complex it gets? hahaha I am only saying all of this to explain that if we had done it based on relationships on the girls side it would have caused some problems with pairings and I just let the girls know that their number in a line means nothing to me and they know where they would be if I was just ranking them, which I am not. Hope this helps and makes you feel better!
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I don’t think it was a personal affront. I didn’t line mine up by their importance to me lol. I think I did it by height.
Post # 8
@birchwood29: Im placing mine in order from height, with my sisters standing next to me as my ladies of honor, and then shortest to tallest. We did that because my FI has his brother as his best man, and his best friend as the unnamed best man. His best friend is the shortest of the GM, so that is why I am also going shortest to tallest.
Where I come from, that is pretty ‘standard’ practice (as far as height goes!).
Post # 9
@birchwood29: Your whole second paragraph comes ACROSS as you being jealous that you are now not standing next to the bride.
Have you thought about asking her why did she decide to make such a drastic change in her line-up. Maybe she doesnt view the line up the same way as you do? Could it be a height reason??? Your wouldnt know until you ask!
Post # 10
I’m sorry you feel bad about this! She really may have meant nothing by it. I got married in September and my girls were not in order based on who was most important or who I loved the most, because I truly love them all. My husband ordered his guys, and I matched the girls based on if they knew any of them, or both were single or in a relationship. Try not to let it get to you! You’re important enough to her that she wants you up there with her when she says her vows and be in her wedding photos that will last a lifetime.
Post # 11
Wow. My line up had nothing to do with importance, and everything to do with how comfortable people were with one another. Two of out gret friends are engaged, so they were together, the MOH and BM obviously, DH’s sister and childhood friend who thinks of her as a little sister, and then two friends of ours that are also friends, we just kind of said ‘line-up guys’ and that was that.
The only place that ‘meant’ anything was my sister (moh) and best man walked out before the ring bearer followed by myself, because my nephew was one and a half at the time. If he got upset he cold run forwards to his mother or turn around and see aunty, grandma and grandpa.
My line up was stretigic, not important.
Post # 12
@birchwood29: The way I see it, I only rank the BM’s against Maid of Honor vs non-Maid of Honor. If you aren’t the Maid of Honor, you are just a BM and that is that. I never thought of ranking and I still don’t. Someone has to be first, middle and last – end of story.
Post # 14
ETIQUETTE SNOB here… lol
You are definitely over thinking this…
She may very well line you up based on height… in so much as that makes for nice photos:
With more than 3 in her Bridal Party, I’d be much more concerned about how she is going to be able to afford all this… and if you’ll be the one left carrying the bulk of the cost !!
And IMO that should NOT be the case… afterall you girls are doing HER the favour, not the other way around.
Have you guys had a sit down heart to heart about responsibilities and expenses… cause you may be in for a shock otherwise.
IMO always good to clear the air on that early on… cause more often than not it is “assumptions & expectations” that cause issues when it comes to Brides & Bridesmaids.
Hope this helps,
Post # 15
My lineup was mostly arbitrary; height did come into play but otherwise, aside from my MOH being first there was no rhyme or reason to who walked when. So I really think you need to take a deep breath and take a step back. You’re definitely overthinking this!
I loved all of my girls- I asked them because I wanted them to be part of my day, because I loved them- the BM who walked last I would never dream of “cutting”. I don’t think I ever considered asking anyone who I’d ever want to cut….doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having your closest friends and family in your wedding part?
Post # 16
I think if she told you that you would have been her MOH if she didn’t have a sister than this has nothing to do with your importance to her. People do their lineups the way they do for all different reasons!
Also, re: a previous comment, I don’t think having more bridesmaids means expecting them to pay more. I’m having 7 and I am not asking anyone to pay more than they would have if I’d had 2. I’m actually really taking their costs into account – my frontrunner for a BM dress right now is $70. They actually may end up paying less than they would if I had less BMs. The more people contributing, the less you have to pay toward a shower or bachelorette! The cost of having more bridesmaids goes to me, not my friends.