- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I have a friend that was invited to a wedding where they included in the invite they would prefer people pay $50 for to cover their dinner in lui of a gift. At first I was horrified but after thinking about it, it's really no different than asking for cash or asking for money for a honeymoon or registering. You're still asking for something and specifying what you want.
That said, I think asking for the bridal party to pay for their dinners is a bit rude - they were asked to be a part of the wedding and then charged for it?! Do you know if it is just the bridal party being asked to pay or the entire guest list?
I think if that is the gift the bride and groom want - then thats fine, but asking people to pay and not giving a reason why or not spelling it out that your paying for your dinner is your gift, is pretty bad!
That is pretty bad.
dress8.jpg (3.3 KB, 33 downloads) 1 year old dress6.jpg (3.4 KB, 25 downloads) 1 year old dress1.jpg (3.6 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old dress5.jpg (3.5 KB, 22 downloads) 1 year old 34451_407883241399_593621399_5025470_7.jpg (61.2 KB, 24 downloads) 1 year old dress7.jpg (3.8 KB, 34 downloads) 1 year old
Wow, that is bad... I have never heard any thing like this before. Why are they having a dinner that is $100 per plate when the bride and groom wont even pay for it? That is crazy! Are the bride and groom paying for BM & GM attire and possible hotel/travel fees?
I just don't get it... why would they do this?
62861_491058235184_114765670184_721756.jpg (71.1 KB, 82 downloads) 1 year old 61337_491058410184_114765670184_721756.jpg (64 KB, 58 downloads) 1 year old 62761_491058050184_114765670184_721755.jpg (71.8 KB, 67 downloads) 1 year old 
I would find it really rude!
I usually give monetary gifts that covers my seat at the wedding but asking for it is a little odd. If they were strapped for cash and requesting guests and their bridal party to cover the cost of the food/seat at the wedding - they should've picked a place that is less expensive.
I would be totally turned off if the bride/groom asked to pay for my seat, I'd probably consider not being a part of it. I could very well afford it but that's beside the point!
That is incredibly rude! You aren't a wedding guest if you're paying your own way!
i vote rude. You wouldn't invite someone to your house and then ask them to pay for their dinner. Ever. A wedding is no different.
161642_dress7.jpg (3.8 KB, 53 downloads) 1 year old 161646_dress6.jpg (3.4 KB, 34 downloads) 1 year old 
Oh no! And it's supposed to be an honor to be part of the wedding party?
Sorry to ask but do you know what culture they are from?
One of my co-workers is from Cambodia and she is getting married in October. She told me that is traditional for her culture to have a huge wedding but that everyone contributes to it. She is having 350 people and a sit down dinner that will cost about $100 per person. She said it was fine because guest are expected to pay for their dinner in envelops that are placed in everyone's place setting and they usually have to leave an extra $20 for the couple.
This is the only thing that came to mind when I read your post.
Other friends of mine said something similar.
Sweet Tooth- that cambodian tradition is strange, but interesting. Is she having a wedding in the states, and will her guests know of it or is it in Cambodia?
I would say if you're making your guests pay, why even have a wedding? Throw a cocktail hour or something you CAN afford.
Wow, that's horrible! Like I said, I could see MAYBE if they were asking for the cash in lui of a gift and the price of the plate was reasonable, but even so, suppose the couples can't afford $100 each! I know when we go out to dinner we don't pay that much.
And why punish the wedding party, who already have to pay for dresses and tuxes and travel?
MoSnow ...
she is having the wedding in Souther California (I think in LBC) There is a huge Combodian population here and other people I've talked to have confimed that the tradition is true. We were talking about our weddings and she told me, "Oh, we are serving lobster and filet mignon etc." and she said it like its no big deal. WOW!! 350 people and they pay their own way!! Nice!!
LanternPics_005.jpg (1413.4 KB, 99 downloads) 1 year old LanternPics_004.jpg (1302.6 KB, 61 downloads) 1 year old 
Thanks for the responses ladies :) I knew I'd get some good feedback here. I'll clarify a couple of thing, but at the end of the day I think this is just a case of bad judgement!
- I'm pretty sure it's only the wedding party that's paying for their dinner. I don't know why. Unfortunately, I'm kinda removed from the situation, though I am curious.
- To the best of my knowledge, neither are strapped for cash, but I could be wrong. They're both in their 50's, so it IS possible they don't need gifts and would rather have people contribute to their dinners. Either way, I'm sure there's a better way to go about it.
- Sweet Tooth - I'd never heard of that before! We're actually in Northeast PA, where much of the population is Irish, Polish or Italian, so I don't think that's the reasoning behind it.
I agree with sweet tooth-my fiance is Vietnamese and in their culture everyone gives a "cash" gift in a red envelope. It is customary that each person gives enough money where it pays for their meal and there is still money left over. A lot of my Vietnamese friends have made like 15,000 on their wedding AFTER the wedding costs were actually paid for from the money gifts.
With this being said...you don't post how much the meal is..it is pretty standard that each person gives you about $100-$200 (more or less depending on how well they know you). So if you are having a wedding where the plate only costs $50, they cover their meal + give you extra. Hence the reason the families are more than willing to invite 350+ ppl. =) We opted not to go that route and keep it small and more intimate.
IMG_0271.jpg (1284.8 KB, 22 downloads) 1 year old 
I think this lacks class and is pretty rude/cheap! If you INVITE someone to your house, do you make them pay for the refreshments or a "cover charge" to enter your home? If you can't afford to pay for everyone you invite (including the wedding party), then manage your costs so you don't have to "charge admission".
To ask the wedding party to pay even more money is audacious! I am assuming that the wedding party are going paying for their own dresses, tux rentals, host showers/bachelor/bachelorette parties and also give the bride and the groom a pretty generous gift given that they are closer than the regular wedding gues. Just seems like you would rather not be part of this wedding party!
K_+_C_Directional_Signs.jpg (793.4 KB, 30 downloads) 1 year old Our_Wedding_Sign_for_Etsy.jpg (119.6 KB, 32 downloads) 1 year old A+N_Wedding_Sign_for_blog.JPG (2657.4 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old 
Oh! Horrible! I can't imagine asking that of any guest, much less your wedding party!
i believe every case is different.
I got married last year by a civil union and we had a wonderful party that we paid for it.
Unfortunately we couldnt do the religious ceremony because we are not from US and our church asks for some documents that takes a year to get from our native countries.
As a result we are getting married once again this summer. When we started organizing the party we asked our guest if they would like to have a party in a private yacht that sails around Manhattan. They all agreed to send money in the response cards to help to cover some of the expenses. Since we all talked about it way in advance I was able to reserved the yacht during the winter at a great price.
My friends are bringing friends also and are all very excited.We first booked the boat for 45 people and 20 more guests have been add to the list!
So my opinion may differ from all others, and I hope i dont get many replies that make me regret my decision. Overall we're all super happy and i guess that is what counts the most!
Regards,
Noelia
@Aloweha: I think that it is different than asking for money for a gift/registry/money for honeymoon. Because - while a bride and groom might expect a gift, a guest does not HAVE to give one. It is a choice the guest makes, but the guest still enjoys the reception to which they were invited.
HOwever, if the guest must pay for their meal, if they choose not to - they can't eat the whole night at the reception!!!
I think it is horrible . A guest is just that, a "guest". I don't think a wedding guest should be confused with a cash cow. JMHO.
this is why I dont have a registry or say no boxed gifts or mention anything about gifts or them ging me anything they are my guests
sounds like someone need to brush up on his etiquette book
Wow, that's amazing. I think I would drop out of the wedding party. Do you think the wedding party offered to do this, in lieu of a gift?
If you find out anything else, let us know.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 64 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| KCKnd2 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| violet25 | 18 |
| stardustintheeyes | 12 |
| BetterSherm | 11 |
| mainejen | 8 |
| rebwana | 7 |
| mags2233 | 6 |
| MsPoodles | 6 |
| strawbs | 6 |
| les105 | 5 |
| Beckster329 | 5 |
Oh hive, I couldn't wait to share this one with you. Please weigh in with your thoughts!! I've been looking all around but I can't find anyone talking about this (maybe I'm looking in the wrong places lol).
My MOH and I were talking the other day. She's attending a wedding over the summer with her boyfriend. It's his uncle getting married, and her boyfriend is in the wedding party. Well, in the course of the conversation she mentioned that everyone in the wedding party, and their dates, are paying for their own dinners @ $100 per plate!
Am I crazy or is this really bad etiquette? I could understand if they were strapped for cash, but it's not a large wedding. The bride and groom are in their mid 50's, and both are in well paying professions.
Has anyone ever done this or heard of this? Is there a good reason to do it? She's going regardless, but I'm really interested in what you all think!