Wedding photo etiquette – plus ones?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think that asking for a grandmother/grandchildren exclusive picture is a great thing to have that both you and she would probably cherish.  Maybe to help others not feel left out you could do one pic with just grandchildren/great grandchildren with her, one with plus ones included, and another of your entire family together.  If everyone else is around anyways, it will not take much time to make those three work and have everyone feel included in some way!

Post # 2
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

Etiquette does not require that everyone be treated exactly the same, so I don’t think you’re at all out of line in asking for a grandchildren/great-grandchildren-only photo.  Such a photo sounds lovely!  I could only see that getting hairy if you allowed Cousin Jenny’s husband to be in the photo because grandma likes him but excluded Cousin Betty’s husband because grandma is indifferent toward him.  If your grandmother does love Cousin Jenny’s husband to bits, perhaps ask your photographer (or a willing relative) to get a candid or a quick shot of them together at the reception.

As for family photos, what about one photo of your entire attending family (Including spouses and fiancé(e)s?  I don’t know how you want to draw that line…) and one of his?  Perhaps you can talk with your photographer to see how s/he has navigated similar waters?

Post # 4
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s fair enough that you don’t want it to be a photo op for your mom’s family, wanting to get lots of photos of you and your new husband is totally fair. I think a photo of your grandmother & all grandkids is a really nice idea, but I would be careful about excluding people if I were you.

I’ve been at a family gathering before where a picture was organised with the grandparents, their children & spouses and the grandchildren but only the engaged and married ones were allowed in the photo. It did not go down well and it caused quite a few hurt feelings. Who cares if eventually people break up? The people who are there on the day are the people there on the day, and it’s pretty snooty to just dismiss other people’s relationships – you can’t rewrite history.

Post # 5
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Ya I think immediate family only is a logical place to draw the line which would include siblings, parents and grandparents. I have seen extended family photos taken at weddings before and you could do it if you wanted, but def not required.

Also I’m not sure if you’re actually asking about photos of +1s, but my rule is if you’re not married or in a common law relationship, you’re not in my wedding photos. The worst is having +1s who are not longer in your family in your wedding pics.

Post # 7
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I think the grandmother/children photo idea is awesome, and I agree that you should limit it just to actual grandkids- don’t include any spouse, fiance, or SO.

Would it be possible to do one giant family shot to please your mom, and also one giant family shot of your FI’s family?  I don’t think you need individual shots with each aunt and uncle- that’s too much.

Post # 8
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We did immediate family photos before the ceremony, including parents, sibs and grandparents. Then during cocktail hour we did large groups: my maternal family, my paternal family, his maternal family, his paternal family, our church, his fraternity brothers, my college friends, etc. Then at the very end of the cocktail hour we did a huge group picture of all the guests (150) that I’m so so  glad we did. And, amazingly enough, you can see almost everyone in the big group picture!

Post # 9
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Okay, here is my very long response from personal experience.  Directly after the ceremony and while we were still in the church, we did family photos.  I had made a list beforehand and given it to the photographer.  We also told anyone on the list to plan on sticking around in the church after the ceremony (not going directly to the reception venue with the rest of the guests).  The photographer called out people’s names and arranged them in the photo.  It took 20-30 minutes tops and we literally got 36 photos.  The photographer was really efficient.  This is what we got:

Bride, groom, officiant

Bride, groom, officiant, groomsmen, bridesmaids

Bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids,

Bride, groom, officiant, groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearers

Bride, bride’s father

Bride, bride’s mother

Bride, groom, bride’s father, bride’s mother

Bride, groom, bride’s father, bride’s mother, bride’s brother

Bride, groom, bride’s father, bride’s stepmother, bride’s mother, bride’s brother & his spouse, bride’s aunt

Bride, groom, bride’s father, bride’s stepmother

Bride, groom, groom’s father, groom’s mother

Bride, groom, groom’s father, groom’s mother, groom’s two brothers

Bride, groom, groom’s father, groom’s mother, groom’s two brothers with their plus one’s

Bride, groom, groom’s grandfather1, groom’s grandmother1

Bride, groom, groom’s grandfather2, groom’s grandmother2

Bride, groom, groom’s father, groom’s mother, groom’s two brothers, both sets of groom’s grandparents

All family: bride, groom, all parents, all siblings with their spouses only (no BFs or GFs), all grandparents, all aunts/uncles (there was only 1 aunt and no uncles, but you get the idea)

Also before the ceremony while I was still getting ready, one of the photographers grabbed photos of just the groom with his groomsmen outside.  This is the benefit of having 2 photographers.  One stayed with me while I was getting ready to get all those types of shots and document attendant gifts.  The other stayed with the groom and got pictures of him getting ready and giving his attendant gifts.

Once we got to the reception venue, my husband and me immediately went off by ourselves to take photos of just the two of us with both photographers.  That probably took 30-40 minutes and we got 123 photos.  Once the reception started, photographers still managed to get a bunch of photos of us with guests and other family that weren’t part of the church portraits. We ended up with over 1000 photos in total.  Our photographers were amazing!

I do remember my MIL wanting a photo with certain people in it.  I can’t remember now, something like just her side of the family (not her husband’s). She orchestrated this one herself at the reception venue and was taking photos with her own camera. The photographers roamed the party and if they saw people all lined up for a photo, they’d snap one too. So we got a lot more than I expected without explicitly trying.

Post # 10
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you are totally fine here. I would have done the same thing if my G-ma was still alive. 

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