Post # 1
Like 70 million people out there, I have a Facebook account. I did it to reconnect with high school friends more than anything. I don’t use it to post pictures or publish my life. And I have no problem with people that do any of those things either.
Nonetheless, I like my privacy and FB has turned into a monster as you become friends with people from grade school, high school, family, college, ex co-workers, your real friends, etc…
I would really like for our guests to NOT post any pictures in Facebook, let alone tag me in those pictures. I have a lot of reasons for this that are very private to me and the FI. I know I have no control over what they do but can I ask them in a nice way to not do it?
We are doing a Shutterfly website so that our guests can share the pictures of the BIG event and using Miss Kitten‘s idea for delivering that message. Hopefully those cards can influence our guests to use Shutterfly instead of FB.
I will probably deactivate the FB account or set the privacy settings to the max before the wedding just in case.
Any advice? Is it wrong to tell people to not post in FB?
Post # 3
I would probably deactivate your account if you’re concerned about it.
I don’t know what the etiquette would be for asking people not to post photots on their facebooks, but it seems to me that the easiest way to get out of losing your privacy would be to get rid of your facebook.
Hope you figure out the best way to do go about this. I think facebook also does have a setting that allows you to limit showing your photos to everyone, but their privacy settings have also evolved.
Post # 4
I think it is a bit much to ask people not to post pics. Although as brides we feel it is "our day" — your guests are hopefully enjoying the day too and may want to show their other friends what it was like. But you can always untag yourself.
Post # 5
I know what you mean about FB turning into a "monster"…I am actually really considering de-activating my account for that reason…I like Ms. Kitten’s idea of the cards with your Shutterfly info.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask people not to post your pics on FB, I know I wouldn’t want mine posted on FB, while I do have pics posted on my profile, I feel that weddings (& other special events) are just so personal, I would just want to share those with my loved ones, not with all of FB.
Post # 6
Deactivating your account is certainly the most extreme option. If you don’t really enjoy using the site and don’t see much value in it, you could deactivate. But if you’d rather maintain a presence on Facebook while also preserving your privacy, I would just tweak your privacy settings. I’m also FB friends with co-workers and don’t need them seeing my photos, so I’ve calibrated my privacy settings so that only certain friends can see photos where I’m tagged.
You could also un-tag all the photos of you. That’s definitely time-consuming, but you can take care of the un-tagging as friends upload pictures and it just takes one click.
Post # 7
I think it’s going to be hard.
In FB application settings you can set "Never publish photos" setting there too.
Maybe you can tell the guests – there are a lot of people on your FB that were not invited to your wedding, so you don’t want them to feel bad. Hence you would prefer if they don’t upload pictures of your wedding there.
Post # 8
I understand what you’re saying – there are people on FB that can see the pics my friends post with me in them…people I’m not friends with and quite honestly, don’t like and wish they couldn’t see me or what I’m up to. But I figure I’ll be a beaming bride that day so I don’t mind that everyone can see me happy and in love!
I did just run into an issue with my friend, though. She is a BM and came with to try on dresses – I found my dress and we took some pictures with me in it – and then she posted them to FB. I called her right away and asked her to take them down, which she did, but my reasoning was I want people to see me in my dress when I’m walking down the aisle. Not when I’m trying it on and it is 2 sizes too big and I’m all sweaty from all the work that goes into it! (I’m a huge fan of my dress, can you tell??) But I just hope not a lot of people saw it and moved on.
Post # 9
That is one of the main reasons I don’t want the pics to be in FB – people that were not invited to the wedding.
Yeah, co-workers don’t need to see any of that either…
Untagging is an option but it’s really hard and I don’t think I’ll be checking FB until I come back from my honeymoon. By then, probably all the pics will be already up.
I’m going to try a few privacy settings first and see how it goes.
Post # 10
Hmmm…deactivating your account won’t do anything to stop them from publishing photos on FB, it will just stop the photos from being associated with your account. I’m just mentioning this because, if you don’t want the photos on FB, not having an account yourself won’t stop them from getting there.
If you don’t want people to see that you were tagged in a photo or reach the photos from your profile, you can change your profile settings (as ipodgirl mentioned). That seems less extreme (unless you really just don’t want a FB account anymore anyways). Also, keeping the account would at least let you see who is posting what from your wedding.
Post # 11
I agree with you about facebook being the privacy invasion monster. I want my special moments and life to be shared with those that mean a lot to me and not the entire FB community. It will be hard to ask people not to post these pictures on facebook. There are privacy settings that you can look into. Just click on this link: http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
hope this helps.
Post # 12
I don’t think its too much to ask people to not post them on facebook. I think that if that’s what you want to do – then do it.
But as others have mentioned, you can change your privacy settings on viewing the pictures so that only "some friends" can see them (and you can specify the "some friends" as the ones that went).
Or if you see pictures posted of you (and tagged) you can just tell them to take them off – I have posted pictures of people where they kindly ask me to remove them for whatever reason – and I have no qualms with that… I may have taken the picture, but its them, not me, so I wouldn’t get butt hurt about it.
What I’ve seen done – and you can do this, too – is create a picasa album or online album with username and pw for people to post/send you their pictures from the wedding.. on the card it can say, "thank you for coming to our wedding! if you have pictures, please share them with us on this site: xxx. If you are on facebook, we also ask that you not post them there as we want to keep our celebration private. Thank you!"
Or something like that..
Post # 13
I’d like to know how someone will word this. I feel exactly as the original poster. I feel like only the people who were invited should be able to see the pictures.. and at least let me be the one to post pictures of the wedding FIRST rather than have the whole world post them…
Post # 14
I have a facebook account and have always felt that I did not want pictures of my future wedding to be put on there for the world to see. However, if guests wanted to take picture of themselves while they were enjoying the reception or something then I guess, that is their business, not mine.
I thought a lot about this (and I’m not even engaged yet!) and decided that I would have it printed inside the program to say something like:
"Thank you for sharing this intimate and joyous occasion with us today. Because of the sentiment this day brings to us, we humbly and kindly ask that no pictures of the ceremony, bride or groom be posted on any online social networks."
What do you think? Does it sound rude or pretentious?
Post # 15
@peakay – I think that wording sounds great! not at all rude or pretentious.
Post # 16
peakay- I like what you wrote.
My fiance is telling me (as I shared w/him about this facebook thread– he deactivated his FB account due to the privacy issues), that many coorporate higher ups and celebrities will round up all the digital cameras at the beginning of the function to prevent any pictures surfacing online. It is a little extreme, but I thought I would throw that out there.
Honestly, it has been rather disturbing seeing photos from events that would have otherwise been nice, and then to see photos of moments skewed online. I think it has to do more with the people you surround yourself with, and how they represent themselves and you.
Ultimately, I would hope your friends and family would honor your request.