Post # 1
We are planning a destination wedding and will be paying (in addition to the reception) a good portion of airfare and hotel stays for our guests, which I thought was really nice. Our wedding will be small and intimate, just as we wanted it.
Maybe I’m very naiive, but I thought that our guests would be appreciative of our contribution and maybe somewhat excited about us getting married (I know that people don’t get excited about the wedding plans as the bride and groom, but what about the wedding of a very close family member – like a sister or a niece?) Some family members who are big travelors basically stated that they’ve been abroad so many times, they will only make a brief stop for my wedding and then vacation somewhere else – like my wedding is an inconvenience in their overall plans. Other family members have only complained about our inability to pay for full airfare and full hotel stays. Note: we made it clear that we understand if people can’t do the trip and won’t be insulted if they cannot go.
We are supposed to be planning an at-home event when we return, but I’m getting so disappointed in people, I don’t think its worth it. I’ve come to the relevation that people really don’t care, even if they are very close family members.
Is it worth putting more money for an event that I don’t think people care about anyway? Should I do it because I “have to” because the family just expects it? I’m so disappointed, and I feel like a human ATM machine.
Maybe I should’ve just eloped.
Post # 3
Some people just like letting you know how much of an ‘inconvenience’ your day is. I don’t have any advice for you other than I’m sorry that they’re being downright nasty (namely the people that are using your wedding as a pitstop). I’ve come to truely believe that wedding planning brings out the worst in people.
Post # 4
@destinwed: I would just elope with people acting ungrateful like that.
Post # 5
This is honestly why we are eloping. No family drama… at least that we are being made aware of.
Post # 6
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people letting you know that they are not sticking around that destination after the wedding, and choosing to vacation elsewhere. If you’re not interested in that destination, you’re just not interested, and if you’ve got a finite amount of vacation time or money, then it’s very difficult to hang around a location just because someone is getting married there. For example, I have zero interest in Mexico, and a lot of people do DW in Mexico. If I were invited to a DW in Mexico, I’d likely fly down the day before the wedding, and depart the day after, continuing on to somewhere like the Dominican Republic that actually interests me. Or I might choose to fly down the day before and back the day after. But I wouldn’t hang around Mexico any longer than I had to (no reflection on Mexico itself. I just don’t find it an interesting destination). So on that, you’re being unreasonable.
But on the airfare/hotel, it’s pretty unexpected that you would pay for any, and anyone who is not being gracious about it should shut up or pay their own way.
Post # 7
@Horseradish: +1 (except for the fact that I like Mexico!) I can absolutely understand people not wanting to spend their vacation time at your wedding location and moving on a day or two after your celebration.
I have never heard of the bride/groom paying for airfare for guests for their DW and I think that is extremely generous of you. Your guests who are complaining about that are competely ungrateful.
Post # 8
There’s a lot of etiquette forums out there with what one should and shouldn’t do for a wedding with many people saying if the bride and groom don’t plan for A, B, C etc, I would never go!
With that said, you can’t please everyone, and the people who want to be there will come out of the woodwork and personally let you know that they really want to be there vs. people who have told you to your face its inconvenient for them to show.
Have the wedding you want, elope, but don’t sacrifice funds to force people to go when they don’t want to, I know it sucks but they don’t want to which means they don’t care.
With that said, there are/will still be people who do care and will show up, focus on THOSE people.
Post # 9
@beeintraining: +100 on this. When we started planning our wedding we were living in Orlando, Florida. We opted to have the wedding in New Jersey, where I grew up (and we now live again, but at the time we had no idea we were moving) to be more convenient since most of my family is in Pennsylvania and FI’s is in Connecticut. When my mom told one of my aunts we’d be having the wedding in New Jersey and she said “Oh, that’s too bad. The kids were really looking forward to a Florida trip.” Her youngest child is 23 and more than capable of going on a trip to Florida on his own.