Wedding planning & FI

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@inspiration86:  Congratulations!!

My husband was uninterested in most of the planning. Most of the research I did myself or with my MOH or mom, then him and I made final decisions together on the big things. Or more, a lot of things I ran by him to make sure he didn’t hate my idea (like colors and feel) and then he said yes or no. He had a few things he had an opinion about, such as music, venue, what he wore, etc but for the most part he didn’t understand or care, why I was doing so many little fluffy projects.

If your fiance is less than enthused about all this wedding planning stuff, that’s totally ok. He IS a dude after all, all he wants is to marry you! Give him a few tasks that he is responsible for. I.e. planning the honeymoon, coming up with a music play list, finding himself and the guys a suit, and let him run with those. Then let the rest of the stuff go. 

Post # 4
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

@inspiration86:  Congrats!

The vast majority of men are not interested in planning a wedding. They simply want to show up. My situation is different because I did not want to plan a wedding and his mother wanted to have one so I let the two of them plan the wedding after getting frustrated at all of his attitude of “I don’t care, whatever you want.” She planned 80% of the wedding, he was responsible for around 10%, and I took the last 10% only because he waits until the last minute to do anything and I had to take charge of a few things.

It is true though. Nobody will be as excited about your wedding as you. Good luck with everything.

Post # 6
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

@inspiration86:  For the most part, men don’t understand all the planning that goes on with a wedding. DH thought we would be able to order a cake the week before the wedding. I called around three months before (I was only engaged for 4.5 months) and 50% of the bakeries in the area were booked for that weekend because bakeries only take a limited number of wedding cakes per weekend. He was outraged. We ended up with a delicious cake picked out by my in-laws though.

Post # 7
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My FI has been really interested in all things, including having preferences on BM dresses and invitation design. He is genuinely excited to plan this thing together. We’ve fallen into our normal roles–he budgets, I’m creative. He wants to come to every meeting (although I went to the bakery and the florist without him because of time constraints) and I’m happy to keep him up to date on where we stand with various vendors. Much like our relationship, our wedding is really a collaboration. We’re having a lot of fun planning it!

Post # 8
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Congrats!  Here’s what worked for me.  Get his opinion on the big things at the beginning – date, guest list, venue, budget, music, food.  Then plan a bunch of the smaller details yourself for 6 months.  Run them by him once in a while and see if there are any he randomly objects to.  (In my case, he adamantly didn’t want the ceremony to be mic’ed and insisted it was “unplugged” – no guest photos.  Hasn’t cared about colors, attire, timing, etc.)  Then, in the last couple months when things start to get crazy, get him to take over some tasks so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Post # 9
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

First of all congrats.

Next, I would ask your groom what HE wants to plan. Ask him what interests him. He may not have anything, BUT if he does, you have to let him go with it and not freak out. This may be the easiest way to get him on boards because he probably isn’t going to give a crap what color the dresses are, what style the photographer is, or the cake design.

Once it gets down the wire, something I did was hand my list from The Knot over to him. They have a checklist on what all needs to be done, and I followed that pretty religiously my whole engagements, and I am proud to say I accomplished everything in an organized, timely fashion. DH didn’t think I had that much to do until I handed him the list, and then HE started to freak out! It worked 🙂

Post # 10
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@inspiration86:  Congrats!!  Honestly, I too started planning immediately and it drove FI UP THE WALL.  So we compromised, took a couple months to enjoy the engagement/dream about all the crazy DIY stuff we would do, and then we got down to business.  First we realistically went through a budget together (I put together a spreadsheet ahead of time, then asked FI for his input — he loved thinking that he came up with the spreadsheet on his own :P), and then I reasonably suggested, hey, let’s split up the tasks and put them on a calendar so neither one of us forgets any of this.  That way I didn’t have to deal with his potential procrastination, and he didn’t have to get nagged by me to do stuff!!  And by the way, in my opinion, his opinion has been incredible and he’s definitely stopped me from doing some crazier things.  I think he’s the reason why this wedding is so elegant!  Definitely include FI if you can — creating google docs and a calendar might help.

Post # 11
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@megz06:  Same experience here!! 🙂

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