Post # 1
i’m getting married on August 2nd. It’s a very DIY supposedly casual picnic, that has turned into the most detailed wedding from hell. I’m sick of it!!!!! I don’t want to do it anymore but there is SO much more to do. Like hours and hours and hours worth of stuff that needs to be done. My list of things to do is off the charts. And I can’t just not do it because people need cups to drink out of; cocktail napkins; ice to keep things cold. I can’t just NOT get these details figured out.
My parents just got to town and are here up until the wedding available to help, but I just can’t seem to find the right tasks to give to them. Mom and I went to the flower market this morning and she’s exploded that into more details – I was hoping to just throw a couple flowers in a vase with a ribbon, I don’t care. But she made it so complicated and now wants to talk to florists about how to do it, and do a bunch of internet research and stuff. I have no confidence in her ability to just get it done.
FI is FINALLY open to helping – he’s been completely useless throughout this whole thing but after me having multiple tantrums telling him how overwhelmed I am and how I can’t plan this, do my very demanding job, AND keep the household running, I think he is finally going to help me this weekend. But I bet you 5 million dollars that means for like 1 hour.
that said I am just SO SICK OF BEING STRESSED ABOUT THIS. there is nothing about this that is fun or enjoyable. it is just one big task list of horrible chores. It’s overwhelming and awful and I just want to run away. I don’t want to do this. I never wanted to do this.
And I know you’re going to say – you need to take a break, but I can’t. I took a break last weekend to go backpacking, and basically lost my s.hit when I got home and it was all in my face again.
There is SO MUCH LEFT TO DO. I can’t even explain. If you saw my list you would FREAK OUT. It’s nuts.
How in the world am I going to make it through this month????????
Post # 2
Take a critical look at your list. Preferably over a glass or three of wine. Split it into “needs to be perfect”, ” need to have, but the details are flexible” and “can live without”.
No one cares what color their napkins are. They need them, but they’re getting thrown out at the end. Same with the cups. Delegate that to your mom or fiance. If the flowers mean a lot to you, and they HAVE to be perfect, keep that on your plate. Do that with your whole to do list, and it’ll get a lot more manageable.
Post # 3
In the same boat, I could have wrote the below
” FI is FINALLY open to helping – he’s been completely useless throughout this whole thing but after me having multiple tantrums telling him how overwhelmed I am and how I can’t plan this, do my very demanding job, AND keep the household running, I think he is finally going to help me this weekend. But I bet you 5 million dollars that means for like 1 hour.”<br /><br />
Can you delegate? Seriously, Moms and MILs usually want to be able to help. Let them! I am making my mom and MIL in charge of certain things that I really dont care or want to be thinking about. Drink a bottle of wine, write down a list of what they can do, and just ask them.
Also make a list for you FI and just say ” can you please get this done by this date”
And yeah, wedding planning blows. Just look at it as a JOB for now and dont expect it to be enjoyable haha. Getting things done/accomplished and crossed off the list will help.
Post # 4
One of my friends recently got married and she had a lot of DIY projects. She felt the same way for a few months leading up to the wedding. She gathered her BMs and some friends (myself included), deligated tasks, and everything was organized and put together over a few weekends.
Don’t stress about the little things, prioritize, get the difficult/most time consuming items done and then move on to napkins and cups, etc. Good luck!
Post # 5
thanks ladies. nobody seems to understand. my dad and FI both say “i don’t understand why this is taking so long, if *I* was doing it, it woudl just be BAM done in 10 minutes”.
oh my god.
that is very good advice. It’s a good reminder that I really really REALLY have to do that if i’m going to stay sane. I do have one friend who’s makign the flyer for the after party. so that’s nice.
I got my mom going on the flowers some more. which basically she googled “wedding flower centerpieces” and emailed it to me. and i’m NOT KIDDING. thank you mom. that was very helpful. the problem with my mom is she’s kind of spacey and not a “get s.hit done” kind of person.
I think that’s a great tip to give FI deadlines. or make him do tasks while i’m doing other tasks. for example he has no SHOES to wear or tie. or vest. that could be a problem. especially the shoes.
I just have to suck it up and get through things somehow. It’s awful though. TRULY TRULY AWFUL.
Boxerlover – things don’t ever seem to get done. they just get more detailed! do you know what i mean? it’s never truly done. 🙁
Post # 6
I agree with PPs. Just prioritize your list, and then delegate. If you don’t care about the flowers, but your mom does, then let her handle it and trust that she’ll get it done. Especially if she’s the one who’s turned it into something so crazy.
I felt the same way in the months leading up to my wedding. I said “we should’ve eloped!” way too many times, and repeatedly told people I can’t wait for it to be over. But in the end, everything got done, the things that didn’t just didn’t matter anyway, and it was all worth it. Hang in there!
Post # 7
Priotize and hand off. If your mom is going to go crazy about the flowers and you just want “flowers in a vase” and your mom won’t blow your budget, hand it off to her. Our center pieces I handed off to my mom very early in the process as I know she LOVES crafty projects. She did a great job, found very nice things, and I was happy with the results, even if I didn’t really care about center peices other than having center pieces.
Look at your check list and if your FI has a sudden interest in ALL the music, hand it off. If your mom is very into the look of things, hand her the decorating. Then take a sip of wine and check in when you have the time.
Post # 8
i like your wine ideas. we just happen to have 6 open bottles at home from doing our tasting this week. only 6 hours til i’m home! 🙂
Post # 9
Gwendolyn88: Haha I feel your pain! It wont be over until its over unfortunatly. But you will be ok! All this stress will be over with in 3 weeks!!
Post # 10
actually it won’t. i’m having a second wedding on August 31st on the other coast.
silly me. 🙁