(Closed) Wedding planning: should I just calm down?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

IMO, I’d wait until you have a ring.  There’s no harm in looking at places on your own time, but it seems like you’re going to have to bring to the table a compromise on location and date and advanced planning on your part may help.

 

I know that before we got engaged I had to stop myself from uttering a single thing to him about dresses, locations etc, even though I knew at some point in the next year he would propose (and he did).  It takes time.   

Post # 4
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would relax and enjoy the lead up to getting engaged.  That tension in the air is magical, and you might be MISSING IT worrying about locations right now.  You will find a location just fine once you’re engaged.  Relaaaaaaaaax. 

Post # 5
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Calm down. You have so much time. Even if he proposes tomorrow, you have so much time. πŸ™‚

I wanted to respond to this line: "He informed me that that’s exactly when he wants to get married and it should be about us and our lives, not my extended family." Your wedding is about you and your lives, and you are a person who comes with a family. You are not an island, or an orphan. Choosing a date that’s appropriate for your extended family is important if it’s important to you, and he should respect that. Many people have relatives who are teachers and so plan their weddings in the summer when they will have time off. You only need to be as accommodating as you want to be, but I don’t think the accommodation you’re asking for (one month earlier, and it’s still a summer month) is too much to ask for.

If it helps put it in perspective re: picking dates because of family members, we picked our date so that my cousins, who are musicians who travel most of the year, would be able to come. There were two weekends of the whole fall of 08 they weren’t traveling and could easily come, and so we chose one of those.

Your boyfriend/fiance is probably already feeling overwhelmed because it might seem like the floodgates are opening and he hasn’t even put a ring on your finger yet! I would just put this all on the backburner. Research, but don’t rush into decisions or overwhelm him with information or choices to make. It’s all going to work out.

Post # 6
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yeah, I’ve been there.  πŸ™‚  We started (seriously) talking about marriage in June 2007, the proposal didn’t come until New Year’s Eve, and we didn’t start officially planning the wedding until September 2008.  I think you should put wedding talk on the back burner for now.  This doesn’t mean you should stop wedding planning (I put quite a bit of time into wedding websites, blogs and magazines during that waiting period), but don’t worry about setting anything in stone until after the proposal.  The fact is that a lot of what you want in a wedding might very well change by the time you actually get a round to booking vendors and make concrete plans. 

I probably went through 5 or 6 different wedding scenarios between the time we started talking about weddings and the point we were actually ready to make some plans (everything from a formal New Year’s Eve wedding, to a morning ceremony and lunch reception at the public gardens, to a destination wedding/elopement).  It gave me time to imagine a variety of weddings and figure out what was really important to me and what I was willing to compromise on.  I think it also gave my fiance some time to prepare himself for wedding planning and decide what was really important to him.  This doesn’t mean I didn’t plan during our waiting period, but I didn’t make anything so concrete and solid in my mind that it couldn’t be changed. 

When you do get around to wedding planning, it’s all going to be about compromise.  Our wedding is SO different from everything I had imagined before we started planning.  However, we’ve sat down and discussed things every part of the way.  Some things are more important to him, some things are more important to me, and we’ve both had to make concessions on some things we didn’t really want to.  Overall, though, I’m really happy about how things have turned out.  And I’m really glad that my fiance is just as excited about the wedding as I am.  Compromising on certain elements sometimes felt like I was "giving up" everything so he could have his way, but now I think our wedding is very much a combination of our personalities.  It feels much more like "us" instead of "me."

Post # 7
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

CHK — I won’t tell you to "calm down" because I am getting married at the end of August in 2010, and someone recently told me to "calm down" and it offended me!  That’s just my personality… why wait until other people start booking photographers (and thus, risk having our fav photographer already booked on our date?) if we have all the time in the world to plan (20 months when we first started).  So don’t tell me to calm down!

Based on the responses to this post alone, you’re probably aware that lots of women go through this–the blogs, magazines, etc. (I had a spreadsheet, too, with dates, budgets, vendors, etc.), WELL in advance of actually planning their wedding.  It’s not like I am a wedding expert or anything, but I went through it and my close friend from work is going through it right now.  In fact, before my FI and I got engaged, we would make deals–let him watch Star Wars for the second time this month, and in exchange, I’ll have his undivided attention for wedding talk for one hour.  Ha! 

Anyway, with all that said, I would say try to really enjoy your "courtship," because you’ll never have this time again!  Summer is coming up, you’re in Bozeman (one of the greatest places on Earth, especially in summer!), you’re in a happy, committed relationship, and you’ve found the love of your life–you have so much to enjoy right now.  The engagement, the wedding, the marriage will all come.  Just think–right now you and your boyfriend are creating those memories and stories that you’ll tell your grandkids someday about "way back when, before [you] and grandpa were even married!"

 

Post # 8
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

p.s. where is the venue that you fell in love with (that doesn’t host events between Memorial Day and Labor Day)?

Post # 9
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The months prior to my engagement, my FI and I had talked about marriage but I didn’t think too much into it at the time. Once he proposed I went full force into wedding planning. Wait until your boyfriend proposes, and then beginning your planning. Timing could change for your wedding depending on when he finally does get the ring and propose. Don’t stress out yet. Enjoy this time with him, because wedding planning is a rollarcoaster ride.

Once you do get engaged you will have many more discussions about the time and venue, and it will mean more then. Right now it’s a bit of a dream, but you have that ring it’s reality.  

Post # 10
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

There will be plenty of time to stress over vendors, dates, invites and all the other things that come with planning a wedding!  While we all dream of our perfect wedding, if you really must plan on your own, collect ideas, do some research but don’t make it a "family" affair until its official.  Enjoy the time you have without the additional stress of wedding planning, you will regret it later if you don’t!

Trust me when the time is right everything will just fall into place and be perfect πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh I love Livingston!  And the Depot would be such a great place for a wedding!  My Fi and I just moved to CA after living for 4 years in Helena, and I still miss that whole drive from Helena to Billings.  It’s really beautiful.  And I miss Famous Dave’s in Bozeman.  Apparently, they don’t have them here.  πŸ™ 

It does say on the Depot website that the reason for the weird dates is because they have museum exhibits set up inside during the summer.  However, it also says you can rent outdoor space during the summer months, you just have to check for availability.  Is this an option for you?  If you are interested in the summer, you should be fine as long as you have a tent and maybe some fans for the afternoon time. 

Post # 13
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

CHK – awesome!  I love it!  I want to come to your wedding πŸ˜‰  The weather would still be really nice in mid-September (after labor day, when the venue becomes available again)… and then your family could come after harvest, and it would still be in the "season" that your BF seems to like. 

I am getting married in Billings (my hometown), and researched several vendors in Bozeman–the vendors in Bozeman are definitely more accessible online and seem to generally be more in line with what I am looking for.  Anyway, I have information (i.e., pricing quotes and packages that are not available on vendors’ websites) for caterers, photographers and bakers.  If you want me to forward you any of this, send me a message and I’d be happy to share it with you! 

Post # 15
Member
599 posts
Busy bee

Just a question but why do you need the ring to get engaged? I was the exact same way as you. Because I knew the ring was coming. And I had all this anxiety that I needed to start planning (when really I have tons of time). But it got to the point where I asked my fiance (then bf) why we couldn’t just get engaged and then get the ring when he could afford it. I have been with him for about 5 years and living with him for about 2 years so the ring really wasn’t going to change much other than I would have something pretty to stare at. It was my fiance, however, that was dead set against that and said he wanted to do this his way and suprise me. And I love that he did surprise me but I still think that a person can propose without a ring. Plus that way you can pick it out together.

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