(Closed) Wedding planning: what to do? where to start?

posted 3 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
45390 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

TheGridMonster:  I think the first step is an attitude adjustment- and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Rather than focussing on who WON”T be there at your wedding, focus on sharing the wonderful occasion with those who ARE there to celebrate with you.

With a wedding two years in the future, you will have come to terms with the recent losses in your family more than you have now. I am sure that your close family members who have passed would want you to enjoy your wedding, not be mourning their loss on that day.

A dinner in a restaurant would be a great idea. you could even have the ceremony in the same room to keep things simple. If you don’t get the suggestions you need here, post a query on the local Chowhounds Board for restaurants in your budget with a private room. Also check Urban Spoon and Yelp for reviews and recommendations.

You really don’t need a wedding planner. Just start pinning things and noting ideas that fit with your vision of the day.

Post # 3
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

TheGridMonster:  First of all, don’t hire a planner. By the sounds of it, if you do decide to have a wedding it will be small and planners can be pricey. Second, if you are only having about 50 people you can easily make it a small court house wedding and nice little dinner. Nothing has to be difficult about that.

I suggest coming up with your budget, list the things that are most important to you, and start calling around. If you don’t want the intimate ceremony for worries of it being an emotional burden, then I say you and your FI just go to the court house just the two of you and sign the papers and be done. Then invite close friends and family to dinner and celebrate that way.

You seem so distant with the idea of a traditional wedding so I say get hitched. Make it simple. It is about you two, so if the thought of it all stresses you out, just make it easier on yourself.

Post # 4
2460 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I can relate to your feelings about not wanting a wedding. My aunt and cousin passed away during the middle of our engagement, before we started any real planning, and it devastated me. I have a pretty small family as is and like you, felt like the day would be a reminder of who wasn’t there. It was a rough time for me and a big struggle. But my husband really wanted a wedding and thought that I might regret it one day if we eloped or just went to court. We ultimately had a 50 person wedding on a small ranch property and it was absolutely perfect. My husband had way more family than me, but I am so thankful for everyone who was there to support us because they really are my family too. 

You definitely don’t have to do all the things you mentioned (not wanting to buy a dress, get dolled up, have tons of pics taken, etc.), because it’s your wedding and you can make it what you want. Wear whatever dress you feel good in! You can do your make up yourself and have a friend take photos. But I just wanted to offer some perspective since I can understand how you’re feeling.


Post # 7
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I’d try to convince him to do a casual elopment for the actual ceremony.  Then if you want, you can have a big party for your friends/family that is as casual or fancy as you feel comfortable with. 

Post # 8
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

TheGridMonster:  Immediate family is understandable. That is what my sister did for her court house wedding too. It was still small enough and intimate enough.

You just need to do some research and weigh out the pros and cons of an elopement vs a wedding. Small weddings are still just as wonderful and don’t cost as much as you might think. But again, you sound like you DON’T want that, so keeping it minimal for the ceremony and then doing a really nice dinner sounds like a great idea for you.

Post # 9
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


TheGridMonster:  What if you went to the court house to get married, but then had a celebration shortly after. That way its a compromise, and maybe it wouldn’t feel like a “wedding” as much to you. I understand its hard to think of this day, especially with lost loved ones.

As for a venue, think of you and your FI’s favorite food. What would you both enjoy best, and what atmosphere do you enjoy? Try to get a mental imagine of what you would like, and search for that.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 10
1149 posts
Bumble bee

I like the idea of going to the courthouse and then celebrating with dinner at a private room in a restaurant. You also don’t have to wear a long, white dress. There are short white dresses, and plenty of beautiful colored dresses you could wear. You don’t HAVE to hire a photographer that wants to take posed pictures if that’s not something you want. I think you should check out some other sites that are less traditional (offbeat bride, a practical wedding, etc) to see other ideas. I know it’s hard to think about, but just keep in mind it’s you and your FI’s day, no one else’s!

Post # 11
83 posts
Worker bee

TheGridMonster:  haha love your gif, bbt rules! 🙂

I really get where you’re coming from, i got engaged about a month ago and realise i should probably be starting to think about getting married. My parents and grandparents and some other family have passed away and i just think a wedding with all of my fi’s large family there would be too painful.

I like doing my own thing and am happy with my own company, so although i have a couple of lifelong friends, that’s really about it :/ It doesnt bother me in the slightest though i can imagine how it would look, when there’s about ten people on my side of the church lol.

I would love to just elope or for us to get married in a tiny informal wedding, i hate the thought of anything stiff, posing for pictures..i know fi’s family would never get over us eloping though.

I think you should just go for a courthouse wedding then a meal or something. Sometimes the point of a wedding can be lost in the middle of all the organising. Best of luck, hope you get what you want 🙂

Post # 12
5462 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

Can totally relate to you since my only living relative passed away 2 months ago. Now it’s just little ole me… Luckily my FI doesn’t want a big wedding either and we decided to elope last year before we even got engaged. We are having a reception though when we get back home.

I like the idea of a pp to go to the courthouse and then somewhere nice for dinner. Sorry I don’t have more advice, but know that you are not alone. 

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