Post # 1
Ok, I’m kinda torn here. I have a great appreciation for all things weddings; fashion, venues, flowers, themes, cakes… You get the idea.
So when one of my girlfriends from work got engaged, I was super excited for her and even more excited when she asked me to come look at dresses and flip through bridal magazines to help her start planning.
Then, a week or so later, after me and a couple of our other work friends have done various wedding related activities together with her, she casually brought up that she was not going to invite any of her friends from California (where we live) to the wedding. This naturally means none of us are invited. Despite this, she continues to talk wedding details and ask us to look at dresses with her, as if we were her BMs.
I haven’t asked any of the other girls how they feel about it, but I can’t help but feel a little hurt. I’m really trying not to take it personally, I know there are any number of reasons why she’s made this decision. I just kinda feel like its a little rude to ask people for help when planning your wedding when you aren’t even going to invite them.
My dilemma is that I love having the opportunty talk about and participate in wedding planning, something I am passionate about, but I’m hurt every time I’m reminded that I am not important enough to attend the wedding itself. :-/
Post # 3
I would stop going wiht this friend to do wedding stuff.
I would assume, as a bride myself, that I would only include poeple in wedding planing that I am inviting.
She is being selfish by asking you to take time out of your life to go and do wedding stuff and gush over her plans when you’re not even going to be able to partake in the day.
Are you sure she means all of you guys when she’s talking about the people in California? She might mean other than you guys, she’s not inviting anybody from Cali? It would be pretty rude for someone to say that to someone while doing wedding related stuff with them…
Post # 4
Are you sure you wouldn’t be invited? That’s beyond rude. If so, I would start making myself unavailable for anything wedding related.
Post # 5
It’s rude to discuss an event with people who are not invited to said event, whether it is a wedding or a dinner party. If someone tried to do that with me I would just change the topic of conversation or make it clear I’m not interested in talking about it.
Post # 6
I had this situation with a girl. It was so weird – she asked for all my advice and stuff and then…didn’t invite me to the engagement party or the wedding. It was really odd.
Post # 7
Sometimes there are budget concerns. Is it a destination wedding? If you don’t mind doing these things with her with no expectations in return what’s the problem. I love wedding stuff so I was happy to help people and look at dresses etc, discuss planning regardless of an invite. My high school friend who reconnected with at a wedding show helped us make out table cloths and came over and helped us with so many things without an expectation of being invited to our wedding. After we discussed it we decided that she had been so much more help to us in the wedding planning as she was in wedding mode herself planning hers, that we would invite her and her FI. She was shocked and thrilled. We told her that we would be there to do anything they needed for thier wedding knowing that thier venue was booked for 40 people and they had already over invited. So we knew we probably wouldn’t go. My friend ended up becoming one of our a BMs the night before the wedding!! as we had some serious issues with our bridal party. We let her know we understood that she did not have room for us at her wedding so we said we would still help with anything she needed as she had been so wonderful to us, just put us on the back up list 🙂 2-3 weeks before the wedding she called and invited us as some people couldn’t make it due to illness and some just didn’t RSVP at all. YAY!!! We went to her stunning wedding and were so thrilled.
So the moral of the story is… if you have the time and enjoy the activity and it’s out of the kindness of your heart then what does it matter if you are invited or not. If it becomes an expectation or demand from her then you have the right to be offended. She is reaching a milestone in her life and just wants to share in the excitement and probably appreciates all that you are doing to support her.