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We were ready to be engaged for a while but FI was still looking for a job. He wanted to be working when we made it official, so I knew he'd be asking once it happened...
In the meantime I researched prices of venues and started browsing wedding dress designs...
And I'm glad I did! I was ahead of the game when we got engaged and it made the process much easier. I got things booked right away.
we havent officially planned out wedding... but we know pretty much what is going to happen.. i feel like its best to get your ideas sorted beforehand, especially if you want a shorter engagement! less headache later! I would only tell people about your wedding planning if they will be supportive. you dont need that stress!
We visited a venue before we were officially engaged. I felt awkward the entire time, but it did help us get started in the wedding planning process. It ended up being out of our price range because of a change in circumstances, but it was still helpful. And we'd stay up at night talking about all kinds of wedding stuff. We'd come to some item that required a bit of debate that we couldn't resolve at the moment and we'd kid around - "C'mon! We have to have the entire wedding planned TONIGHT!!" It was fun, and much less stressful that actual wedding planning, with the final decisions and money and all that.
I'm not officially engaged yet, but I've been researching venues, trying to come up with a rough guest list, and some colors and a relative date. I feel like we might end up coming out well by doing this. This way we aren't as stressed when we are finally actually engaged. Since I will be just starting out my first professional job, and he will be in his last year of Engineering school.
Both of our families know our intent to get engaged and married, and eventhough my mom thought I was weird at first and told me to quit it until I was engaged, is actually supportive and agrees that this is a good idea for us. We have more time to budget and get our heads around something more sensible. Granted we haven't planned the whole thing or put down any deposits yet... have to leave something for when we are really engaged, eh? :)
I agree with ravenwait. Don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know. Some people are uncomfortable with things that are outside the "norm" and it's best not to have to worry about their judgement. If they are an integral part of your life, I could see explaining it to them. But otherwise, they don't need to know. My mom describes my relationship as assbackwards. But it took her years to accept the fact that I'm not the type of person to have traditionally ordered relationships. On the plus side, you won't have to worry about the stress of figuring things out once it's totally official.
YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE!
my FI and I did the same thing, mainly bc it took us so long to save the $ for the ring and we had a specific date/year/etc in mind. So weve been planning since july and i just got engaged this past weekend. before this past weekend, every time i would bring up my upcoming engagement, everyone would ask me "well, arent you already engaged?" UGH!
so what if we decide to do things in a different order than everyone else. i like being prepared. 
A friend and her now DH booked a venue before they were "officially" engaged. They knew when they were going to get married the following year and wanted to get things lined up while they were both in town. (They were both pursuing doctorates at different places and wanted to get married right after graduation).
Who cares if people don't get it? The only thing that matters is that you and your SO are happy.
I'm working on planning my wedding right now as well. We aren't offically engaged, but we have a tentative date set. We went to look at a Venue last Friday. My SO calls me crazy when I bring it up, but that's because he's feeling pressured. But during the Venue visit he was very helpful, offering opinions and such and really thinking about it. So as long as I keep my cool and don't bring it up eight times a day every single day I think he'll be okay. Not to mention he wants to be working like someone else mentioned before we get engaged. For us it's a good thing to do. This way, I don't have fifteen hands in my basket telling me how to plan our wedding. That way it will stay OUR wedding and not any one elses. I've actually enjoyed the planning, and I'm looking forward to the actual engagement, because with all this pre-planning, we can just start booking things, paying vendors off and just worry about the DIY projects!
You're not alone... My bf and I are not 'officially' engaged but I have set a wedding for next and have already started the planning process. I've told my sister and one of my closest friends about it and they were both supportive of me. My bf told me he wants to go all out with the proposal and it will be done before the end of the year. So I'm not rushing him. How I see the proposal is always the man's big moment while the wedding is ours so give him time, if you all are discussing and making wedding plans it will happen. Don't listen to what haters have to say because all they will do is hate.
You are DEFINITELY not alone. I went dress shopping with my BF/MoH before I got my ring and my FI, his BM and I even went to meet the caterer and venue coordinator before the ring came as well. When ppl looked or asked about my missing ring I just told them we sent it out for cleaning or to be sized. :o)
We were officially engaged on our 10 year anniversary. Obviously I had started to wedding plan way before that!! =)
We were planning a wedding without he asking me to marry him and without a ring. I considered myself engaged already. You're not crazy, you're practical.
To me, it's not your lack of a ring that's the issue - it's the lack of a proposal. If he hasn't officially proposed yet I would hold off on the major planning.
We've got everything pretty planned out. I only get 5 days off a year (I work at the post office and I am A non carrer employee) so it's get married Aug 18 2012 or Aug 18 2013 >.<
I could take tome off, but no more then 3 days at a time, and I plan to save my days off to use after my vacation so we can go on a mini honeymoon ^_^
Honestly, because of bad knot experences, I'm waiting until I'm offical until posting on the boards. WHen I do- It's going to be an explosive mess ^_^
We've been planning!
We're currently scoping out venues, I have the whole entire theme pretty much chosen and we have a good idea of what we want in a photog. A close friend is doing the cake, a family member doing the makeup and hair, another two family members singing in the ceremony, a family friend playing the music for the ceremony. We have a great idea for the first dance, I have a dress that I'm obsessed with, we have a lot of our wedding surprises planned out.
And we are not officially engaged.
I said something at work the other day and a coworker asked, "Where's your ring?" and I'm like, "At the store."
My SO and I both know we are getting engaged, but moving was more important than getting "officially" engaged so that's what we did. We're happy with our decision and everyone else can butt out.
@miss hellas:I got the ring after we were married... He also proposed after we were married.
Who needs to be normal, so long as you're happy.
I'm not engaged yet either, but I can't help but collect ideas and plan for it since we both know we want to be with each other.
I have a lot of things already figured out, though he's not involved in the process yet (though I've shown him a few things here and there).
I agree with what Evie19 said - it'll likely make the process much easier once things are actually "official".
Does your SO actively participate in the planning as well?
Definitely did some research before getting engaged! Looked at venues (online), thought about colors, dresses, BM dresses, general time of year....
But I only talked about it with one of my friends, I never told anyone else. Didn't actually go anywhere, just stuff online.
I think you're just taking it to the next level, which is fine if you know you're getting your ring/proposal!
a ring is not the exclusive path to engagement! i have known a few people who became engaged without a ring.
ive also seen quite a few bees here who have entered the realm of engagement without an elaborate proposal.
if you are both in agreement that you want to marry each other and are both active in the planning then id say you are more or less engaged anyway so forget about the haters and do what works for you :)
@bostongirl27:Agreed, my parents called each other boyfriend/girlfriend up until the day they got married!
@ellabee: Hah, my FI still calls me his girlfriend. He says he hates the way fiancee sounds. :)
OP, you're fine. I just wanted to add that the title of this thread made me laugh. :)
I just wrote on another board "no ring = no engagement" for me personally, but I totally admit we started booking tours for venues before he proposed. We also started looking for dresses before too...then I got all pissed and butt hurt he hadnt proposed yet so i stopped...but was so glad i had put in the legwork before hand! BUT I think it is wrong for people to put that snarkiness on you. and just plain mean. People assume too much. keep your chin up cause yes Ive been there:)
We're not officially engaged yet (he calls us "pre-engaged") but I've definitely gone to look at some venues and done some pre-planning as we want to get married before December 2012 but not in the summer so it's either February-April 2012 or September-November 2012 and our planning time will be limited.
People can be so rude about not believing someone is getting married unless they have a ring on their finger. My mother (who I love dearly but drives me batty sometimes) is one of those people. So I kept my mouth shut and only told my two closest friends about having picked out the ring and wedding planning talk until the proposal has taken place to avoid that. Just easier to not say anything (as hard as it can be) until the proposal is in place if you are sensitive about silly people and their insensitive remarks.
I'd only start planning if you know the official engagement period is soon-ish. Granted, I had what I think was a semi-unique experience, but BF and I were originally going to get married after we both finished undergrad. So my junior year, I started buying wedding mags, started an inspiration folder on my computer (it was 99% dresses and shoes), and tried to come up with theme and color ideas. Then it was pushed back several years. I threw out my wedding mags when I moved out of my college place, and recently deleted that folder since my tastes had changed.
Now, while I think it might be soon-ish? I'm trying to not really look at or think about anything wedding-related, since I don't know when he's actually going to do it. All I've decided at this point is 1) I'm going to aim for about 12-14 months after the official engagement (depending on venue availability) and 2) I want the theme to be whatever season that happens to be, so since I don't know if he'll do it in January or June, I need to wait.
I had two friends who booked their venues and ironed out a few other details before they officially had their rings. I know one of them booked her venue early because they live in a tiny, rural town and there are only two possible halls for receptions! So if they don't book a summer saturday almost two years in advance, it is very difficult to have a summer wedding.
@khf777: SO and I have been planning together, and he's been paying for pretty much everything up until this point (other than my dress)...I am aware he has a ring, but he tells me he wants to "officially" propose and do something nice. I don't think he'd be paying thousands of dollars for a wedding he won't be attending? lol...at least I would hope not...hahah :)
We know we are getting married - we've booked our venue, psid our deposits, everything is planned right up to the smallest of details...just haven't received my ring yet as we've had a death in the family, and I'm still finishing uni (3 weeks left to go!). I have a sneaky suspicion he's waiting till tomorrow night - our anniversary. so fingers crossed!!!
thanks for the support bees!!! these "normal" people have been driving me crazy!!! :)
@miss hellas:Well in that case I think you're sooo lucky - it's hard to get some men to do anything OTHER than propose, so to have a guy who's willing to plan with you (and pay!) is awesome. Like you said, he may want to do something really special when he proposes. Keep us posted and don't mind the doubters - if you and your man are on the same page that's all that matters!
Im not 'officially engaged' yet but we already set a date for our wedding and ive pretty much planned everything. Ive gone dress shopping with my mother and his mother. So i call him my Fiance because we are engaged.. just no ring.. so its not 'official.' I hate that people question that you are 'engaged' just cause you dont have the rock yet!
oh and.. hes been acting reeeallly weird the last week, i actually have a feeling that hes going to propose tomorrow!
I can totally relate to this. We didn't get engaged until our 9th anniversary but I was looking at places, dresses and color schemes for over a year before. We were talking about dates too. In fact he at one point was urging me to buy the dress I had been in love with for years.
So you are definitely not alone!
At one point, when I was frequenting The Knot, I mentioned that we weren't officially engaged, and that didn't go over so well.
We did alot of planning before the ring too and had the same comments as well. I even had someone say to my mother that "he's gunna leave her" well she is not invited to the wedding anymore lol Somethings we did were a bit crazy lol. But we did win our honeymoon before the ring haha
Yes with you ;) We had our wedding fully planned about 3 months into the relationship because we just knew :) Now all the plans are in motion :) It was very helpful actually to KNOW what we wanted so now we just put it in motion.
Best!
Yeah you're not alone - the SO and I know when we want our wedding to be and depending on whether I decide to study part-time or full-time, I'll either be writing my master's thesis or working on my Phd. For the sake of my future sanity, I'll slowly researching now.
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WARNING: DANGER BELOW - VENT!
Ok,
so we aren't what most people consider OFFICIAL! NO, i haven't got my ring yet - and YES, we've planned our wedding before our engagement - but that doesn't mean he doesn't love me, nor that he doesn't want to marry me!
I am so so over of trying to explain my situation to people that respond with things on the line of: "where's your ring? - what do you MEAN you don't have a ring yet?" why have you planned a wedding, when he hasn't even sealed the deal by proposing?" "does he even KNOW that you've planned a wedding?" *** cue confused, and somewhat greasy looks *** um, excuse me???!!!
* BIG...DEEP...BREATH *
bees, please tell me i'm not the only person who has planned a wedding before the engagement?
xox