Post # 1
WARNING: DANGER BELOW – VENT!
so we aren’t what most people consider OFFICIAL! NO, i haven’t got my ring yet – and YES, we’ve planned our wedding before our engagement – but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, nor that he doesn’t want to marry me!
I am so so over of trying to explain my situation to people that respond with things on the line of: “where’s your ring? – what do you MEAN you don’t have a ring yet?” why have you planned a wedding, when he hasn’t even sealed the deal by proposing?” “does he even KNOW that you’ve planned a wedding?” *** cue confused, and somewhat greasy looks *** um, excuse me???!!!
* BIG…DEEP…BREATH *
bees, please tell me i’m not the only person who has planned a wedding before the engagement?
Post # 3
We were ready to be engaged for a while but FI was still looking for a job. He wanted to be working when we made it official, so I knew he’d be asking once it happened…
In the meantime I researched prices of venues and started browsing wedding dress designs…
And I’m glad I did! I was ahead of the game when we got engaged and it made the process much easier. I got things booked right away.
Post # 4
we havent officially planned out wedding… but we know pretty much what is going to happen.. i feel like its best to get your ideas sorted beforehand, especially if you want a shorter engagement! less headache later! I would only tell people about your wedding planning if they will be supportive. you dont need that stress!
Post # 5
We visited a venue before we were officially engaged. I felt awkward the entire time, but it did help us get started in the wedding planning process. It ended up being out of our price range because of a change in circumstances, but it was still helpful. And we’d stay up at night talking about all kinds of wedding stuff. We’d come to some item that required a bit of debate that we couldn’t resolve at the moment and we’d kid around – “C’mon! We have to have the entire wedding planned TONIGHT!!” It was fun, and much less stressful that actual wedding planning, with the final decisions and money and all that.
Post # 6
I’m not officially engaged yet, but I’ve been researching venues, trying to come up with a rough guest list, and some colors and a relative date. I feel like we might end up coming out well by doing this. This way we aren’t as stressed when we are finally actually engaged. Since I will be just starting out my first professional job, and he will be in his last year of Engineering school.
Both of our families know our intent to get engaged and married, and eventhough my mom thought I was weird at first and told me to quit it until I was engaged, is actually supportive and agrees that this is a good idea for us. We have more time to budget and get our heads around something more sensible. Granted we haven’t planned the whole thing or put down any deposits yet… have to leave something for when we are really engaged, eh? 🙂
Post # 7
I agree with ravenwait. Don’t tell anyone that doesn’t need to know. Some people are uncomfortable with things that are outside the “norm” and it’s best not to have to worry about their judgement. If they are an integral part of your life, I could see explaining it to them. But otherwise, they don’t need to know. My mom describes my relationship as assbackwards. But it took her years to accept the fact that I’m not the type of person to have traditionally ordered relationships. On the plus side, you won’t have to worry about the stress of figuring things out once it’s totally official.
Post # 8
YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE!
my FI and I did the same thing, mainly bc it took us so long to save the $ for the ring and we had a specific date/year/etc in mind. So weve been planning since july and i just got engaged this past weekend. before this past weekend, every time i would bring up my upcoming engagement, everyone would ask me “well, arent you already engaged?” UGH!
so what if we decide to do things in a different order than everyone else. i like being prepared.
Post # 9
A friend and her now DH booked a venue before they were “officially” engaged. They knew when they were going to get married the following year and wanted to get things lined up while they were both in town. (They were both pursuing doctorates at different places and wanted to get married right after graduation).
Who cares if people don’t get it? The only thing that matters is that you and your SO are happy.
Post # 10
I’m working on planning my wedding right now as well. We aren’t offically engaged, but we have a tentative date set. We went to look at a Venue last Friday. My SO calls me crazy when I bring it up, but that’s because he’s feeling pressured. But during the Venue visit he was very helpful, offering opinions and such and really thinking about it. So as long as I keep my cool and don’t bring it up eight times a day every single day I think he’ll be okay. Not to mention he wants to be working like someone else mentioned before we get engaged. For us it’s a good thing to do. This way, I don’t have fifteen hands in my basket telling me how to plan our wedding. That way it will stay OUR wedding and not any one elses. I’ve actually enjoyed the planning, and I’m looking forward to the actual engagement, because with all this pre-planning, we can just start booking things, paying vendors off and just worry about the DIY projects!
Post # 11
You’re not alone… My bf and I are not ‘officially’ engaged but I have set a wedding for next and have already started the planning process. I’ve told my sister and one of my closest friends about it and they were both supportive of me. My bf told me he wants to go all out with the proposal and it will be done before the end of the year. So I’m not rushing him. How I see the proposal is always the man’s big moment while the wedding is ours so give him time, if you all are discussing and making wedding plans it will happen. Don’t listen to what haters have to say because all they will do is hate.
Post # 12
You are DEFINITELY not alone. I went dress shopping with my BF/MoH before I got my ring and my FI, his BM and I even went to meet the caterer and venue coordinator before the ring came as well. When ppl looked or asked about my missing ring I just told them we sent it out for cleaning or to be sized. :o)
Post # 13
We were officially engaged on our 10 year anniversary. Obviously I had started to wedding plan way before that!! =)
Post # 14
Do whatever makes you happy! 🙂
Post # 15
We were planning a wedding without he asking me to marry him and without a ring. I considered myself engaged already. You’re not crazy, you’re practical.
Post # 16
To me, it’s not your lack of a ring that’s the issue – it’s the lack of a proposal. If he hasn’t officially proposed yet I would hold off on the major planning.