Weddingbee boards

I want you to know that I've been an avid reader of the Bee Hive for a while, but today I had to create a profile and sign in just to respond to you honey. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have unfortunately experienced almost the same scenario here in the last 6 months and I'm going to tell you my story as briefly as possible in hopes that you will feel better about your own.

My fiance's daughter, Lil' Rose 15, came to us last year around this time and asked to move in. Long story short: the Baby Mama/Ex-wife has many different issues, that I will <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not put on display here, but basically she needed to work through some things in her life/relationships and in the process was dragging the child down with her. There was never any question as to whether or not we would take on this challenge, we had been together almost seven years, living together for 6 and her coming to live with us was always a possibility because we knew how things would be between them once she became a teenager. But with the new city, new school, new friends and suddenly a new family, yet no official marriage between her new parents and me never having a child of my own...I won't sugar coat it, there was major friction. Between me and Mr. Rose, between us and Lil' Rose, between Lil' Rose and the Baby Mama and especially between us and the Baby Mama. Don't misunderstand me, I love children, I want several and I love this child as if she were my own...but the Baby Mama and I have never been on real friendly terms--imo she realized a few years too late how good she had it and what a wonderful man/father my fiance was and she set it in her mind to destroy me way back then.

Of all the things that she has done to bust up our good relationship via her child, her actions this year are unforgivable. When we announced last December that we were engaged and getting married in the next year she became a crazed control freak ex. Again, I'll spare you the details. The short of it is: she stopped paying the child support agreed upon and papers that were ready to be signed and transferred were all but null and voided because she refused to go forward with any proceedings that weren't to her benefit, because she didn't understand the laws. She then hired an attorney that "hometowned" us because he knew the judge and together they drug out a simple motion to transfer for almost FIVE MONTHS. She kept this negative energy flowing with antagonizing hateful email, then she'd cool down act like she was going to get things done for Lil's Rose's benefit and then we wouldn't hear from her for weeks.

I was where you are now.

I made the tough decision to stop planning our wedding in April because it just didn't feel right or happy or fun anymore and I'm glad that I did, because I wasn't really focusing on either situation, in the right frame of mind, like I should have been. It's hard to devote your time, your energy and your conscious into planning a beautiful, important, special union between your fiance, you and your child, when so much of your energy is being sucked out of you by someone that is seemingly out to make your life a hell. I was not happy about postponing the planning and possibly even the wedding...in fact I was infuriated at points because I had waited for this day for so long. I found that I had to keep myself in check, reminding myself daily that I was not a selfish person, that it was all right to feel disappointed and even angry, but that I needed to be mindful of Lil' Rose's feelings as well and what she might be going through...of course she felt like it was all her fault.

Somewhere in June I started feeling that little tick-tock again. I stumbled upon the Bee Hive and started casually reading the posts every day, to at least get myself back in the "wedding having" mood. By the middle of July I had resolved to stop letting this woman have such control over my life...our life. I started researching and brainstorming and found that I was more motivated than ever to make this wedding happen this year. What better way to display our strength and unity throughout the hard times we had encountered this year than to be married despite it all. It seems that as soon as I changed my mindset and started looking at how much it would really take to make this wedding happen, everything fell into place.

Just three weeks ago the Baby Mama was inevitably forced to do what she should have done in the first place, because once it came time for a real hearing, the judge had to transfer the case regardless because Lil' Rose had been through a whole school year with us and once again it was her decision to do so, thus the Baby Mama's points were moot and ridiculous in the eyes of the law.

A week later later we found the perfect farmhouse/B&B venue and rented it out for the entire weekend that I had originally planned for our wedding in December--all for the cost of four hours at most other venues in this area--it was like it was meant to happen just as it did. It also let's me know that I'm on the right track in life. You know, sometimes you just don't realize how much you love someone until you go through something trying and while I have loved and fallen in love with Mr. Rose over and again throughout some difficult times in the last 7 years, this 8th year will always stand out, not just because we were married in it, but because it let me know that in our hearts we were always already there, at that altar saying I do.

No matter what you decide to do hon, remember to keep coming back to YOU and YOUR FAMILY and don't forget what brought you and your fiance to this moment, bad and good...it makes your relationships, marriage, family and life what it should be...this is your light in the darkest of hours. You and yours will get through this and be stronger for it...know that, feel it.

If you need to talk, feel free to message me.

Peace and Love friend!