Post # 1
Our wedding is almost a year away and FI and I have come to an agreement that there will be no more talk of the wedding until the child custody issues I’m facing with the ex are completely settled.
I feel somewhat sad, frustrated, angry all in one big ball of emotion. My daughter’s father is not active in her life except when he sees her on every other major holiday and spring and summer vacation from school. Now that I’m engaged and most likely have to move out of state since future hubby is in the military, he is now the concerned father.
Has anyone gone through this? How do you keep strong?
Post # 3
I haven’t been there, but its heartbreaking. I’d say surround yourself with supportive friends and prayers… and maybe look at some wedding stuff from tiem to time just because its pretty and fun and when the time comes, you will be a beautiful bride putting together a great new family and hosting a wonderful party for loved ones.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, I really have no advice, my heart just goes out to you. (((hugs)))
Post # 5
I am so sorry. That is really disappointing for you and your fiance. I haven’t been through something similar, but I know people who have. Do you have a good support group, or could you get hooked up with one consisting of women who are going through similar legal battles? That might be helpful. Regardless, big hive hugs to you!!
Post # 6
Ugh my sister went through something like this. It turned out it was my nieces fathers mom that was pulling the strngs behind the scenes. honestly, the judge sees through their case clear as day, they’ll likely see through this one as well. Yes, joint custody is the moslt likely option, but you’re showing stability by entering a military family and being the primary caretaker. He might make it ugly (or do his damndest to try), but keep your stance and be sure the judge knows that you’ve shown your intent on fulfilling the best interests of your daughter by postponing the marriage to keep her there until this has been settled. Your intent is not to tear her away from her father, but you need to move on as well. Good luck and lots of hugs!
Post # 7
My ex seemed to start taking a more active role once I got engaged too. I have full legal and physical custody because he already showed his true colors to our judges, so he really didn’t have a leg to stand on when he tried making comments about my FH not being good enough for my daughters, etc. Hang in there, I know it’s not easy, I didn’t have to go through any custody stuff with mine or postpone, but eventaully he disappeared again (yeah!). Hold your ground, do what’s right for the kids, and any judge will see you have their best interest in mind and he’s just trying to stir the pot.
Post # 8
I don’t know what I would do without you ladies.
KellyV seems like your sister went through what I’m going through now. I have physical custody and want legal custody and have him ok removal from the state if and/or when we move. I even dropped the back child support owed and he still won’t sign…and I do believe it has something to do with someone behind the scenes.
Goodness, my heart hurts right now.
Post # 9
This is NORMAL. My x is no stellar dad, but he’s definitely being the controlling absent dad if that’s a description.
When issues like this arise, don’t leave the emotions alone. Talk to a counselor or call your church and see if there’s a single mom support group near you. And above all, HIRE A LAWYER!
Why? let the lawyer deal with the absentee daddy who wants suddenly to reign in control just because his ex wife is moving on with her life! Imho, my ex husband didn’t like it when I moved on despite him being remarried instantly after our divorce 5 years ago. It was about control mainly. HIM controlling or should I say attempting to control ME.
Let the attorney deal with this man and you and your FI work on becoming a family. Plus the courts see you two being married as more stability. Have to be honest. DON’T postpone on account of a ghost from the past trying to wreak some havoc.
Post # 10
I haven’t had to deal with custody issues as I haven’t had a child yet, but I have had to postpone a wedding. I know what you are going through with having the wind taken out of your sails. Keep you head up. It will happen one day and just know that you are not alone!
Post # 11
I am so sorry jaydee1125… I’ve never been in the situation before but I know how difficult this must be on top of everything else. Message me if you want to talk about it. *hugs*
Post # 12
I can not agree with Bellenga more… you need an advocate for your child, and an attorney is the one for the job… There are support systems in place if money is an issue, contact the bar association in your area to find help… it’s critical! When you get the person/people you need, you’ll feel less overwhelmed and in control again. Hang in there!
Post # 13
I’m so sorry to heat this. My ex also is not the most active father. I have long since gotten custody of my children and after that the visits started to lessen. Now, it is down to he has only picked them up twice this year. It seems to have worsen since I got engaged even though he remairried almost immediately. I knwo our situations are not similar, but I just wanted to say hang in there. I know how frustrating it can get with the ex. We never had any arguements about custody but he sure didn’t mind giving me an earful about filing child support with the atorrney general on him. My fiance has been great helping me though it. All you can really do is take it one day at a time and if the emotional aspect does get to be too much for you and/or the kids, definitely seek someone out that you can talk to, be it professional or non-professional.
Post # 14
I can not stress how much I appreciate you all. I do have an attorney and we sat down in June of this year to try to come to an agreement so we didn’t have to go through all the court proceedings, nonetheless he decided 2 weeks later that he was not going to sign the paperwork. So I’m getting everything I need in order to go forward with the next step. It’s just hard sometimes b/c I love my little girl so much that it makes me so angry that he would say I am not thinking of her happiness and that I’m going to mentally scar her.
My FI has been wonderful through all this and reassures me that I don’t have anything to fear. I just hope this is over soon and does not turn into something drawn out.