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It's been a weird week for me. First I found out I'd need thousands in dental surgery (I don't have insurance). Then we bought the house (Yay!) but now we realize we'll need more money than we initially thought *which is actually a plus because having too many rooms to furnish is only a short term problem.
We've now postponed the wedding indefinitely. I don't know if we'll ever get to do the wedding I have dreamed of and worked so hard for. He said for our original date of next May we can probably afford 3-5k, not our initial 12. But he won't commit to that since we just bought the house and we don't know what can happen financially. I said let's just go to the courthouse and make it official then and he said "don't you think I already feel bad enough telling you we can't do your carnival wedding? I can't take it all away from us."
Did I mention thousands in dental surgery? And the surgery I had done Thursday still hurts like a mo-fo.
I'm so sad I can't even type anymore. I will most likely take a short break to clear my head. I love you ladies.
Aw, I'm so sorry it worked out this way. :( HUGS! Hope you can come back with a plan soon. And hope your dental surgery goes well!
Oh hon I'm so sorry! First of all--feel better! Dental problems are the absolute worst! Your health is the most important thing. And congrats on your house! That is an awesome thing. No one will blame you for postponing or scaling back. You could always do a civil ceremony then have a big carnival blowout later! Maybe a reception or even an anniversary party. It'll be ok, I promise! Your man sounds super sweet about it. You're a lucky girl. :)
We're here when you need us!!
A 3-5k wedding is doable! and you have lots of time, just re-budget!
:[ i'm sorry you're postponing... i hope you'll stay on the boards though! and mega congrats on the house, i'm so glad you got it!
@smileyd:it'd be different if I knew we'd have 3-5k by then. We just don't know. My dental surgery is going to be at least 8k.
Thank you guys. I haven't even told our family or bridal party yet.
Sorry to hear that :( I hope everything works out ok for you.
I should give Mr. A. tons of credit here. He is being as kind as possible to me tonight-even taking us and the kids away to his family's lake house for the weekend.
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you can't make the wedding work in the near future, what about a carnival-themed housewarming? You could use some of the same ideas, but not worry about feeding people more than snacky food.
Awww sweetie. (((((hugs))))) Why not do a court house quickie and then a family carnival celebration down the road? I love that he doesn't want to take the dream for you, what a sweetheart.
@SoontobeMrsA: I'm so sorry to hear that! :-( I was even a "follower" on your blog you posted. You have to do what's right financially, and I understand that, I'm so happy your FI is being supportive. I think if you guys went to the courthouse then did a reception in a few years it might work(???). We would have if FI had lost his job any earlier, unfortunately he lost his job 3 months before the wedding and it was too late to cancel everything. I'll be thinking about you!
Oh noes!!! So sorry hun! But your guy is so supportive and that is a wonderful thing and exactly what you need right now. You can always do a quickie courthouse thing and a carnival vow renewal! I also like the idea of the carnival house warming. Just make sure there are funnel cakes! :D
Many hugs!
Aww, I'm so sorry! We all know how excited you were. Does your new house have a backyard big enough to hold a scaled down carnival wedding?
@UpstateCait: No, our new house lot is small.
We can use his parents lake house in NH but it'll probably be summer of 2013 now.
oh noo.. I'm sorry to hear that! This could sound kind of bad, but does FI have insurance? Could you do the courthouse quickie to help out with that and still have your dream wedding as the 'official' one? Also, don't worry about furnishing the house right away.. it'll definitly take time. We have nothing but FI's hand me downs but it works for now. We've been in the house 8 months now, and just sort of got enough for the living room (tv stand, coffee table, rug, curtains and sofa/loveseat). We havent even gotten end tables yet.
Oh babe, I'm so so sorry for you and your FI. I know that you've been putting so much effort into plainning this and it sucks that you'll have to push it back. At lease you can use all that extra energy on making your new house and home. And hopefully you'll feel better soon too!
Just know that all the Bees are here to shower you with support whenever you need it!
@pinkshoes: Because my dental problem relates to an accident 15 years ago, it is considered pre-existing I guess. So getting insurance now won't help. My dentist is doing it all as slowly and cheaply as possible but it's gonna suck up our whole wedding fund.
I waited so long to get this last tooth fixed due to lack of insurance that I ended up having the tooth pulled and now look like hillbilly with a very visible hole in my mouth.
I just want to marry him.
Aww hun :( So sorry about this. Praying that everything works out xox
I am so sorry!!
Can you enter any contests? Feel free to PM me about them, I'll vote for you. :)
And a 3-5k wedding is totally possible. My mom through one in that range for her sister in San Francisco--most expensive city ever. So... you can do it!
<3
Sorry... that sucks. I mean, it's the responsible thing to do but that doesn't mean you can't be disappointed.
I had a small courthouse wedding myself. Like you, I just wanted to get married. You should get married at the courthouse, have a really lovely weekend away tgether and then start planning the vow renewal/Carnival bash!
Oh no!!! I hope your dental pain + problems get fixed soon! If you want to get married, why don't you have a courthouse wedding, and then maybe have the big carnival extravaganza for a 5 year anniversary party? I hope it all works out for you guys.
What's important is that you're together. An extra year or two won't change the way you feel about each other will it? No, so just wait and see. HUGS!
Can i be honest? i think spending $12,000 on a wedding when you don't have insurance and have just bought a house is not smart. You can have a gorgous wedding without spending that kind of money. And, as a homeowner now, you will surely end up with unexpected expenses at some point AND you need extra cash in the bank for emergencies, or heaven forbid if one of you is out of work (look at the way the home market is right now, full of short sales and forclosures from people who were not prepared). In fact, the housing market is a mess partially because people thought it was wise to spend more money than they could afford, and it sounds to me like you are looking to do that with the wedding.
I think that you need to start being a little more adult and a little more practical. Having a big splashy flashy wedding is nice, if you have lots of money. But if you don't, you need to do the grown up thing and scale back.
@menobride: that was kind of harsh. she is posting here because she IS either scaling back or postponing indefinitely. she is allowed to be sad about this seeing as they just realized that's what they have to do.
@SoontobeMrsA: big hugs! i am soooo sorry about this. i understand not wanting to do the courthouse thing because when you have your wedding you want it to be when you actually get married. so i guess you have to figure it out if you want to wait a few more years or do it the most inexpensive way possible. i think a lake house sounds incredible and if you are not paying for that venue, can't you do it really cheap? i went to a pot luck wedding once and it was one of the most fun weddings i had been to just because everyone knew how to party! also you could find ways to incorporate a carnival theme anywhere you go. one thing i will offer is that it might just be worth waiting to have that dream wedding. i have gone thru so many ups and down myself this year because of wedding costs. at one point i totally regretted planning and still i think if i could go back in time, i would wait another year or two so as not to be so financially strained. the main reason i could not is because our friends and family had already bought their non-refundable tickets to Jamaica. On one of my "emotional" posts about this, i had a bride tell me how she had been in the same situation, they waited FIVE years and then it was ALL totally worth it because she got to have her dream. so you just gotta figure out when and how to do this and whatever you decide, you will marry the man of your dreams AND have an awesome wedding. what's awesome about it is that you will be getting married! and pink can be incorporated into anything at a very low cost, so it will be pretty no matter what!
@menobride: I agree with purpleunicorn - It seemed like it was conveyed in the OP that she is being adult and scaling back. I felt that was a little bit of a harsh reply when she's upset about everything..if she didn't know she had to scale back, she wouldn't have bothered posting this here for support.
@SoontobeMrsA: I'm so sorry to hear this :( and I hope you're close to your 72 hours being up so you can enjoy a nice glass of wine! feel free to vent any time. not that this helps, but now you have extra time to plan, and your big day will be perfect and worth the wait. (I know that just sounded like total BS, and for that I'm sorry..I feel for ya!!)
I'm sorry :( Good luck with your surgeries, I hope they go well and I hope you have so much fun setting up your new house!
@menobride: It sounds like the OP is ALREADY doing the things you're saying she should do. She's perfectly aware of what she needs to be doing and is looking for a little support because she's feeling down.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have anything else to say that the others haven't already, but things will work out the way they're supposed to. I think that having a big fun anniversary party in a couple of years or a vow renewal would be awesome and give y'all time to get all this taken care of and some more money saved up.
So sorry to hear about this. Hopefully all will go well with your surgeries. It sounds like you're making a smart but difficult decision--sometimes when things don't go as planned, we have to do what we have to do. I hope it all works out well for you two and you will get the wedding you want at the time that's right for you.
@SoontobeMrsA: Awwwww....big hugs to one of my favorite bees!!! I'm disappointed for you, but you have to take care of business, so to speak. Please know that we'll be here when the time comes to continue the planning process (in whatever format you desire). Just remember, to focus on what's most important...love and good health!
P.S. Hope the pain goes away ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry you are having to go through this! Things always dont go as planned, and God has a better plan for yall! Everything wi work out! What about have something really small with just your daughter and yall and then having a big thing with friends and family once yall are more stabel?? Dont be gone for long! We will all miss you!
@menobride: They wouldnt have set their budget to 12 if they couldnt afford it, so I dont think that it is your place to tell her that 12 is too much for them to be spending if you dont know whats going on in their life. Obvisouly they could afford to spend that much before she found out she has to have mouth surgery. So its not your place to be telling her to grow up, when its you that needs to step back and look in the mirror.
Awww. That sucks. Really it does, that is why I am having a three year engagment. I mean I am more than lucky I live in Canada and I am insured, yay! But FI and I bought a condo last year that we are fixing up and there always seems to be something going wrong (most recently our stove is acting up). You'll get your dream wedding someday. I know you will.
I'm so sorry. That is just heartbreaking. :(
Can you compromise with a small wedding now & a bigger celebration/vow renewal with your awesome theme ideas once you're back with the saving again?
Oh Honey!!!! I'm so sorry!!! Wish I could make you feel better! ((HUGS))
Oh no :( I'm so sorry to hear that, I loved your carnival related posts! What are the things that you really want in a wedding? If all you really want (besides marrying the love of your life, of course) is, let's say, an awesome dress, then you can totally buy a fancy shmancy dress and rock it during a courthouse ceremony and maybe a very intimate dinner with a few family members. In any event, I'm really sorry to hear what happened, and, on another note, I hope that you don't hurt like a sunnafub*tch for too long after the surgery!
awww i'm sorry you're going through this! that really stinks :( the important part though is building your life together, so at least you have that!
Okay, you're going to think this is crazy, but I promise it's not ..... you should look into going to Thailand for your dental surgery.
Seriously. Look into it. Thailand has awesome dental services for amazing prices. Even after the flight costs, I promise you'll save money, and probably get exactly the same dental care. When I was living in Asia, we had business conferences there every winter, and I couldn't believe how many Americans and Europeans came just to have dental surgery done!
Aww, I'm sorry! I loved all your carnival ideas (and I secretly wish I had the guts to do it too) and you've always been so helpful. I hope you come back when everything settles down. I agree with PP about maybe doing a courthouse ceremony now and doing a carnival theme vow renewal or reception in the summer of 2013. Either way though, I hope it all works out for you. And like @ellabee: said, if you enter any contests, PM me and I'll vote for you :)
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