Post # 1
I am putting together our wedding program and would like to include the traditional thank you section.
I would like to specifically thank my parents for not only paying for everything, but for being great parents over the years and being good role models. Here is where the problem is…
Most programs thank both sets of parents together. FI’s parents have had a lot of problems over the years… they separated multiple times, there are problems with what I would call verbal abuse (screaming, namecalling, etc), they have had many money problems where their children (FI included) have to help them pay their mortgage, and I also feel that they have put our wedding on the back burner. FI’s brother is also getting married less than 2 months before us (started dating after us, got engaged after us, and then set a date before ours… which I have since come to terms with), but everything for their wedding has come before ours in terms of importance. FMIL had planned a bridal shower for me in their hometown and then decided to cancel it because it would be “too much work.” We also were going to have a second reception to incorporate all of their family members who either could not afford to travel to our wedding or we didn’t have room to invite (our guest list is already at 225), and FI and I were going to pay for this. FMIL canceled this because it was going to be “too much work.”
I would like to specifically thank my parents, but I don’t think I can do so without roping FI’s parents in. I don’t feel they have been good role models and I’m also hurt about how our wedding doesn’t seem to be as important as FI’s brother’s wedding.
How should I word this?
Post # 3
I personally would skip it or make it more of a general statement including both families, and send or write a letter to your parents individually,telling them what they mean to you.
Our daughter gave each of us a 3 page letter, that I cried all the way through reading. It means more to me than anything she’s ever done before, and it was so heartfelt and wonderful to read, I’ll cherish it always.
Would you be comfortable doing something like that?
Post # 4
I hear you so much. My parents = awesome. His parents = uh, not awesome.
I discussed this with my parents, and being as awesome as they are, said they would like to just not be highlighted. They prefer if we just say things like, “we want to thank our parents.” They even insisted we address the invites as “Bride and Groom, together with their parents,” even though my parents are paying for 90%, and his are contributing nothing but headaches. So first thing, talk to your parents, let them know how much you want to shower them with gratitude, but that you have a sticky situation.
Basically, we decided to go light on the praise at the wedding. I’m just going to do the very vague thank yous. I can’t do something really heartfelt about his parents, and expressing my true feelings about my parents will only highlight how much FI’s stink in comparison.
No thank you that you can compose will compare to having the moments you are going to share with them. Your deep love and gratitude will shine through.
Post # 5
Can you do a formal thank you with the …thank yous to guests, blah, blah, blah…
and then add
A Message from the Bride: I’d like to thank my parents for all their support and ….. ??
just an idea…
Post # 6
omg this was our problem too! his mom had never supported us, and has always hated me, and had at one point told me directly she wished he wouldn’t marry me. so our program said
we would like to thank those who have supported us through the years. without your love we wouldn’t be where we are today!
she has been a lot nicer since the wedding.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs not to include thanks in the program. That always seems weird to me, maybe do it in a toast instead if you want to thank them publicly? And I love the idea of a heartfelt letter. But if you really want to have it in the program, you pretty much have to thank both sets of parents. It’s not necessary to tell all your guests what you think of his parents vs your parents – they probably know/can tell anyway. If you have problems feeling genuine thankfulness towards Mr and Mrs Difficult, think of it this way: they gave birth to your FI, and either raised him well or gave him good genes to raise himself despite them, and they’re giving you a clear example of how not to be! You probably appreciate your parents even more now too!
Post # 8
I like the idea of just not including this section in the program. I am a very private person to begin with, so having a public thank you seems a bit strange to begin with. I do plan on making a toast to my parents for all of their help with the wedding.
@smyley: I really like the idea of a handwritten note. Did you daughter and son-in-law write the letter together or was it more just from your daughter to the both of you?
Post # 9
I feel like I’m you in another city, I’m going through almost the exact same situation (FI’s family, etc). spooky!
Post # 10
I think a toast is a better idea and the note. That way it’s not something that everyone can analyze. Or you could do something where you thank your parents and he thanks his in the program – then it wouldn’t seem weird if his was shorter.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I agree that leaving out the section altogether is the best idea. It would be pretty ungenerous to make guests raise their eyebrows at your FI’s parents because they didn’t get thanked or were separated from your parents. I really like the idea of a personal, private note.
Post # 12
He sent seperate thank you cards to his parents, and she wrote a letter from just her to each of us. They gave us a combined thank you gift at the rehearsal dinner with a card.
Post # 13
I like the way vistagirl wrote her thank you. If you want to do a toast at the wedding you could do that also. Then you could also choose a very special Thank you card with a handwritten note to your parents, to give with a gift, if you choose to do that. 🙂